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Baby always wants held

(52 Posts)
Cantthinkofaname123 Tue 13-Jun-17 20:38:42

Hi hoping someone out there has some good advice as I'm at my wits end. I have an almost 5 week old DD who constantly wants held. I'm a single parent so I don't get a break. Literally cannot remember the last time I washed my hair.

Been trying to settle her now for over 2 hours, she finally fell asleep so laid her down and started to run a bath. Naturally she instantly woke up (this happens 9 times out of 10 when I finally get to make myself something to eat). Also she can't sleep without her dummy but she can't keep the dummy in her mouth either so wakes up every time it falls out which is every couple of minutes.

I've got a 5 year old as well and feel as if she's being pushed to the side as I'm just constantly stuck to the couch with the baby. I have good support from my mum and ex mil but both work full time so aren't always around. My mum came round today and I managed to tidy up and get washing etc done but she's off work not well at the moment so couldn't stay for long and I don't want to have to depend on her help anyway.

She's fell asleep on me while I'm typing this but I know as soon as I put her down she will wake up and then it starts all over again (bath is obviously out of the question I'm hoping I manage to grab a quick shower). I've thought about getting a baby carrier but she was a couple of weeks earlier and not even 7lb yet so unsure if she'd be too small?

I hope I don't come across as whiny I absolutely adore her and am grateful to have 2 beautiful girls but being on my own with 2 is so much harder than I expected. I don't even know really what advice I'm looking for I just had to let my frustration out. I guess it would be good to hear from any other singles parents and how they cope.

moahcoocumbahs Tue 13-Jun-17 20:39:51

Yep, you need to just carry her. Dd was just under 5lb when she came home and went straight in a stretchy wrap. It gets better!

Believeitornot Tue 13-Jun-17 20:41:39

I carried my second in a sling for the first 3 months. I genuinely had forgotten just how much newborns needed me 😆

For a shower, I used to swaddle dd and bring her in the bathroom in the Moses basket.

MelinaMercury Tue 13-Jun-17 20:43:27

My youngest was like this too, by 6 weeks I had reverted to a sling and wish I'd started sooner! It meant that I could spend time with my 6 year old and just go about my day as normal.

As for showering etc we got a take along swing which was the only place she would settle for 10 minutes so it was a godsend!

FatLittleWombat Tue 13-Jun-17 20:44:22

Have you tried swaddling her? Or putting her in the bouncer which you can bounce with your foot while eating?
Slings are brilliant, many makes are suitable from birth. Doesn't help when you want a shower though!
It's tough with two, I hope it gets easier for you soon. Do you have any help at all?

chumpchange Tue 13-Jun-17 20:44:23

I had one of those so I feel your pain.

No practical advice but I just wanted to say that you don't sound whiny. You can love your children to bits but still want to be able to wash your hair or eat a meal two-handed once in a while. flowers

TheABC Tue 13-Jun-17 20:51:13

Definitely a sling. When she is a bit bigger, she can go in the shower with you, but for now it's a case of gritting your teeth and listening to the screams. Big hugs - this too will pass. I felt guilty about neglecting DS when DD was born - turns out he was quite happy to eat some yogurt and watch TV whilst I was settling her (he wistfully asked me this evening "does baby need cuddletime now?"). Could you do a quiet activity with DD, whilst feeding the baby, such as reading, drawing or dominos?

Cantthinkofaname123 Tue 13-Jun-17 20:54:48

Oh wow quick responses! I'm going to try and quickly reply not being rude but managed to get her off me and jumped in the bath while it's still warm grin. I can hear her stirring though....

Yes she's swaddled but fights her way out it!! She's too small for her bouncer at the moment her head just flops down and she looks uncomfortable but my mum manages to settle her in it today. Of course as soon as she left and I sat down with lunch she woke up.

Fatwombat yes my mum is a great help but she works so don't like to rely on her too much although she helps anyway even if I do protest. I also have help from ex mil but she does 6 night shifts in a row so there's a long period where I don't see her and again I don't want to rely on her too much. Again luckily she also doesn't take no for an answer.

Thanks everyone for your lovely replies I was a bit worried about being flamed. I think a sling is definitely the answer I'm going to look into that if anyone has any recommendations?

Cantthinkofaname123 Tue 13-Jun-17 20:57:59

ABC yes quite honestly I think it bother me than 5yo I think she's quite happy playing on her tablet and eating :D I try to do some one on one activities with her when I get the chance but she gets bored (always has done even before baby) and wanders off to play with her barbies. So I suppose I'm quite lucky in that she's independent and likes imaginary play on her own. I just naturally feel guilty when I'm probably more bothered than she is!

Eclecticmama Tue 13-Jun-17 21:00:55

Definitely get yourself to to a sling library to try out a few. I liked my pampoozle soft wrap but different people like different ones.

Rockspin Tue 13-Jun-17 21:04:02

Get yourself to a sliing library, try a stretchy wrap/ring sling first! Absolute god send grin

Cantthinkofaname123 Tue 13-Jun-17 21:05:54

Oh thanks for that I've never even heard of a sling library. Just looked it up and there's a meet up nearby next Friday I'll definitely be going along to that!

Cantthinkofaname123 Tue 13-Jun-17 21:06:42

Brilliant looking forward to going to this. Shame it wasn't sooner.

voobylooby Tue 13-Jun-17 21:06:52

Could your 5 year old give baby a cuddle while you get things done occasionally?

user1489434024 Tue 13-Jun-17 21:08:14

Get in the bath with baby x it won't be as hot as you'd like but still a bath x

Sorry you feel like this. It's so hard. But it does get easier x

SweepTheHalls Tue 13-Jun-17 21:17:12

Soft stretchy sling like a Close Caboo. Life saver smile

Cantthinkofaname123 Tue 13-Jun-17 21:17:45

Vooby she does try but she gets upset when the baby cries and quote honestly she's very clumsy so I don't really like leaving her alone in a room with her unless she's in her pram.

user I've thought about that as she loves when I give her a bath but a bit worried about getting out with her on my own in case I slipped or dropped her. I'd really love to try that though.

Thanks everyone for your responses I've read and appreciate every post. Hope I'm not coming across as rude I'm just trying to reply quickly and my brain isn't quite fully functioning at the moment grin

Lou573 Tue 13-Jun-17 21:37:00

I had one of those babies - you can use a close Caboo from 5lb. Mine insisted on being walked around while being carried - I think i spent 6 months pacing my house. Definitely a sling, at least you can get things done then, and then i think it's just a matter of getting through this bit really!

Waddlelikeapenguin Tue 13-Jun-17 21:43:53

Sling definitely (i like short wraps, very versatile & just as good for a toddler as a NB) & take baby in shower with you (or bath but i like my bath hotter than i want my NB to be grin). It works well so long as you have towels & clothes ready.

Hang in there, this too shall pass flowers

GraceGrape Tue 13-Jun-17 21:47:13

Apart from a sling, the only thing that settled my velcro baby was one of those electric swinging chairs, although I know some babies don't like them. I'm afraid she's still quite clingy age 5!

Cantthinkofaname123 Tue 13-Jun-17 21:55:28

Lou at least that way I'd be keeping fit rather than stuck to the couch grin

Penguin It didn't even occur to me that I could take the baby in the shower with me. I'd be worried about water going in her eyes. Sounds stupid what's the best way to do it? Honestly I'm not completely dumb just suffering baby brain and lack of sleep haha!

Grace I have thought about getting one of them it's something to keep in mind I'm willing to try anything.

sherazade Tue 13-Jun-17 21:58:32

Second the sling , I had a baby like that
I borrowed a 'close caboo' from a sling library which was a godsend .
It's a stretchy wrap so all snugly for them but it's pre- tied so took me less than a minute to get him in and no faffing around . Used it for around 11 weeks then used a connecta and a manduca .
He'd have a feed and then go into it leaving me totally hands free to do the washing , make a cup of tea or attend to my other children it was bloody fab .

Cantthinkofaname123 Tue 13-Jun-17 22:00:21

I've just had a look at the close caboo it looks excellent. I'm going to wait until I've been to the sling library before I make my mind up.

Cantthinkofaname123 Tue 13-Jun-17 22:01:14

Sherazade would you recommend hiring it rather than buying one? Don't want to buy one if I'm only going to get a few weeks use out it.

Cantthinkofaname123 Tue 13-Jun-17 22:04:16

Was looking at this one as well. Would anyone who has experience of slings mind having a look and telling me what they think of the look of it or if I'd be better with the close caboo?

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