Unreasonable behaviour?

[user14809873]

I think I know the answer to this but I'll ask anyway! One of my oldest friends has a daughter a year older than mine. My daughter is not allowed to hold the baby (her little sister) on her own because we feel she's too young & it's just not safe. Earlier today, we saw the friend & her daughter. Daughter was desperate to hold the baby, I said no, not on her own because she's too young & my daughter doesn't (unless we help her/hold her together) but I'd sit her next to her (& keep hold of her) which I did. Both girls played with the baby with some toys but I kept hold of her. The girl repeatedly asked if she could hold the baby because she was older than my daughter. Each time I said no & that the rule was the same for her as for my own child because I wanted the baby to be safe.
I asked my friend to hold the baby while I went to the toilet. I came back & guess who was holding the baby?! On her own! I'd made it very clear what the rules were. She looked at me (the child) & said 'my mum says I can hold the baby even if you don't'. Then kept saying to my daughter 'I held the baby & you're not allowed'
I remained calm, said the baby needed feeding, fed & then we left! I didn't say anything as don't like confrontation but I am seething! My daughter (quite rightly!) asked why her friend is allowed to hold the baby but she isn't!!!!!!
This isn't the first time this has happened but before its been toys or similar involved! Not my baby!!!
What should I do? Avoid? Say something? I'm so wound up!!

[AssassinatedBeauty]

So the mum (your friend) was prepared to deliberately ignore your wishes as soon as you were out of the way for a short time? I'd be really cross about this. It would probably make me back off the friendship a bit, and maybe suggest meeting up in the evenings without the children instead.

[phoenixtherabbit]

How old is her daughter?

Regardless id be annoyed at the friend for ignoring your rules.

[Aquamarine1029]

That cow is no friend of yours, I assure you. The audacity of that woman is appalling. I'd be done with that relationship.

[mikado1]

I'm annoyed for you and she clearly didn't back what you were repeatedly saying at the time either. I hope you told your daughter your friend should not have allowed this.

[BandeauSally]

She was bang out of order.

What age are all the children/babies?

[user14809873]

Thank you!
Baby is 4 months, older sister 4.
Other child 5.
I did explain this to my daughter (that it wasn't ok) as she kept questioning it! If we do ever see them again (not planning to) then she'll probably repeat it!
My friend commented that she is 'obedient'. She's not a bloody dog, she just knows how to behave (most of the time!!!)

[BandeauSally]

TBH I think it's fine for a 4 year old to hold a baby. You wedge her up on the sofa, arm on the arm rest, you sit right beside and set baby into her arms. You would be right there. You just make sure she knows to never ever lift the baby herself.

[dglv]

Get rid of the friend! She's disrespected your trust and household rules!

Or send her a message/call and explain how you felt about the situation and ask why she did that?

Although I can't get my head around that, also feeling sorry for your daughter that her friend was teasing her about it! I'd steer clear of the mother and daughter if I were you

[user14809873]

She does hold the baby if we are right there with her but usually works best if baby is next to/arm round her as she fidgets (& she knows not to pick her up). I'm just very conscious of her not being treated like a dolly!

[user14809873]

I'm not impressed with the teasing either, in fact I'm almost as angry about that. It is time to call an end to the friendship I think. I've avoided meet ups because the child is often mean to my daughter, breaks or hides her toys (once she hid her gloworm which is how she gets to sleep), when we found it, she sobbed & told me the child had hidden it because she was a baby & shouldn't have it anymore....the mum just says 'that's kids for you'
Unfortunately my daughter idolises her! Whatever we say, she just says 'it's ok, I don't mind as she's my friend'.
I need to teach her not to be a pushover (like her mother!)

[dglv]

Bless her!
I had a friend like that when I was younger and I let them walk all over me not even realising it even in adulthood I manage to get into situations !!
But I hope you manage to find a way out for both you and your daughter!!

[Emma2803]

That was really out of order of your "friend". I would have been furious also, totally disrespectful and broke your rules. Her little girl sounds like a spoilt brat who gets whatever she wants.
I would have been very tempted to say "no sweetie, you are not allowed to hold the baby on your own and it was naughty of your mummy to give her to you when she knows I don't allow it." take the baby off her and leave and let her deal with the tantrum that followed!!

(I may not have been brave enough to say this in real life but I do drop the odd passive aggressive comment loudly to my ds when the mil is doing something I don't approve off like too many biscuits or letting him play with ornaments!!)

[Ohyesiam]

Your friend was out of order, and I wouldn't want my dd to have a"friend " who teases her.
But.... Four is plenty old enough to hold a baby. Mine are at 2 year intervals, and they all
held their little siblings from the day they were born. Surely if she sat well back in an arm chair dd1 could manage it?