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Two neighbours excluding my daughter

(17 Posts)
LolaBre Mon 29-May-17 12:51:11

We live in the countryside. My next door neighbours gdd is out most weekends and my dd, a neighbours child up the road and the gdd have hung out on and off for years. There can be fights but we let them sort it out themselves. They can all be nasty/mean sometimes. I am aware that neither my dd nor the other two girls are angels at times.

The next door neighbours have recently gone up to the other neighbours to complain about our dd straight after the girls had a fight. The upshot is that they wont allow their gdd to play with our dd anymore. The other neighbours have now decided that when the next door neighbours gdd is there with their dd that our dd is not allowed visit and visa versa. Which wont really work because when the nextdoor neighbours gdd calls on them she's there for the day, my dd would just call in the afternoon for a bit so the other girl will already be there and my dd would therefore be not allowed to call be the imposed rules. The children are not getting a chance to work it out. It feels that the next door neighbours have successfully excluded my dd from local friendships and the neigbours up a few houses are backing them.

My dd is very upset as she liked to call up the road and enjoyed these friendships. We have advised her not to call for the next while. Time can be a great healer, though it may be a long summer. We will organize for some of her school friends to visit. I do find it very hard to even recognise/speak to these neighbours. What would you do?

VintagePerfumista Mon 29-May-17 12:58:01

How old are they that they are fighting all the time? confused

It sounds like typical 3's a crowd stuff.

Not much you can do though, if the other girls don't want to play with your daughter because of the fighting, unfortunately that's their prerogative.

If your d has been told she's not to go round, then you need to stop her going round.

You can't force your daughter on people!

What's the nature of the fighting?

rollonthesummer Mon 29-May-17 12:59:35

What happened in this recent argument? How old are they?

msgrinch Mon 29-May-17 13:00:15

I think its for the best if they're fighting. You cant make people want to play with your daugter. Stop forcing the issue and arrange for other children to come a play. Your neighbours child isn't interested in being a 3 anymore.

SilverGiraffe7 Mon 29-May-17 13:04:16

That's entirely their choice, however unfortunate for you DD. I would, however, encourage other friendships and I wouldn't allow DD to play with neighbours DD at all - to not let her over when the other girl is over but expect her to play when their DD isn't otherwise busy isn't on.

unapaloma Mon 29-May-17 13:08:11

Plan some nice days out and take along a friend from school. Find her things to do (bake a cake with you? Craft projects?).
It will either pass or it will stay this way, as others have said, you can't make them play with her. I would be a bit concerned to know what she allegedly did, if they have played happily for years without any 'banning'; presumably the neighbours believe it was something quite significant. What does your DD say happened between them?

Lweji Mon 29-May-17 13:11:48

There can be fights but we let them sort it out themselves. They can all be nasty/mean sometimes. I am aware that neither my dd nor the other two girls are angels at times

Reading between the lines it looks like you don't discipline your DD when she's nasty/mean, even though you're aware of her behaviour, and the others have got fed up.

mynotsoperfectlife Mon 29-May-17 13:13:03

How old are they?

BarbarianMum Mon 29-May-17 13:13:03

I agree w Silver. If neighbours dd doesn't want to play with your dd then that's her choice but she doesn't get to keep her as a reserve option. Invite some of your dd's friends from school over and forget about these 2 girls.

LolaBre Mon 29-May-17 13:28:28

Thanks for suggestions.
The fights are occasional kids fights. Nothing crazy.
She will have her friends over from school. She wont be calling up again where she is not wanted.
The thing I find hard is it's the adults from another family that are backing the exclusion. If it were just the children that would be a lot easier to take.

Lweji Mon 29-May-17 13:33:09

But do you know what happened more recently?

What is usual kids fights?
Have you asked the neighbours what's this all about?

Either she's being mean to the others or they're being mean to her. Either way they're probably best apart.

TheHoneyBadger Mon 29-May-17 13:47:29

Surely you know what happened this time? It sounds like you can see that in this case one set of adults have laid down a firm boundary against playing with your daughter and the other have backed up their boundary. Therefore I'm sure you must have enquired as to what happened to cause them to make such a firm stand when they never have before.

Presumably you haven't just assumed they're suddenly being unreasonable for no reason rather than find out what has happened to make them behave so uncharacteristically?

Has it occurred to you your dd may have really crossed a line?

LolaBre Mon 29-May-17 13:57:27

Ok, they were talking about pets that

LolaBre Mon 29-May-17 14:01:04

Oops accidentally pressed button... They were talking about pets that had died and my dd and other girl were going on about various names... the other felt the two girls werent letting her in on conversation and went home in tears... Maybe they were talking over her...

Lweji Mon 29-May-17 14:06:27

And your DD is the excluded one?
Have you seen the three together? What happens?

TheHoneyBadger Mon 29-May-17 15:30:50

have you asked your neighbours about this or just your child?

Aquamarine1029 Tue 30-May-17 16:13:53

I find all this fighting nonsense really bizarre and worrisome. Are you sure it's not your daughter being a bully or instigator? Not just one neighbour doesn't want her around, but others as well. Maybe you should ask the other adults for their viewpoint.

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