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What to do when brother / SIL 'forget' your DC's birthday?

(10 Posts)
WowThatsDifferent Sun 28-May-17 19:36:36

Not quite sure how to handle this one... my brother, who has three girls, hasn't acknowledged my toddler DS's 2nd birthday. Now, sexist as it is, he's really busy and it's his SAH wife who usually handles all the gift buying in their family. We always send gifts to the kids for birthdays and Christmases - we're family! But they've not sent a card, text, gift anything for my 2yo and it's been over a month know since his birthday. TBH They're a bit rubbish at things like this - no thank you cards, often forget parents/siblings birthdays (but never their own kids' friends!) but am surprised about not marking a little one's big day as everyone always remembers theirs. I did put a photo of him on Facebook with his balloon, and my SIL wrote Happy Birthday X! So they know it's been and gone. So it's her daughter's 7th birthday in a few weeks and I'm wondering what to do... I definitely want to mark her birthday as a) it's important to do and b) not her fault her parents forgot/are too busy. My husband says I should get my toddler (well, me) to make something 'cute' and personal to send, aka don't spend the usual, don't go to too much effort but still mark it. I think I should make a point of texting her to ask what she'd like, as I'd usually do, partly in a bid to make her feel guilty I guess?! But also cos I don't want to be mean to a little girl. What do you think??

00100001 Sun 28-May-17 19:38:55

Do what you would normally do for the 7Yo

Then just ask your brother why they didn't send a card?

stiffstink Sun 28-May-17 19:42:45

I'd let them off for one year and carry on as normal with presents for their kids, but if it happens next year I would presume that they've decided not to exchange presents any more - this is usually decided by the family who has older kids once their adult siblings start having kids too and they realise nieces and nephews can be expensive <bitter>

WutheringFrights Sun 28-May-17 19:43:10

Do you love your niece - then get her the gift you think she deserves not some passive aggressive 'gift' from your toddler.
I am a terrible card sender and gift giver - I have 6 nieces and forget at least one of them a year but i'd be heartbroken if I thought their parents would hold it against my children.
There are some people in this work who are excellent organisers, excellent gift buyers and just all round good eggs and then there are the others of us who have actually a shitload of stuff going on and sometimes forget stuff....
It doesn't mean I love my nieces any less.

EweAreHere Sun 28-May-17 19:43:15

Why don't you just ask them if they'd prefer to just exchange birthday cards for the children, and maybe do presents just at Christmas?

YoureNotASausage Sun 28-May-17 19:44:36

Just do what you usually do for your niece. For the sake of £10-20, there's no need for it to be tit for tat. I think some people are not really into remembering birthdays and organising gifts etc, and it might upset you, but I'd just let it go. Do they spend time with your DS? That's far more important.

daisypond Sun 28-May-17 19:54:45

Do what you normally do for the 7yo. Some people just aren't that bothered about birthdays and aren't going to remember, get organised in time or think it's that important. It doesn't make them bad people. It's just not high on their agenda. Your SIL replied with happy birthday on Facebook, so they have acknowledged it. Maybe they're embarrassed to realise they've forgotten and now think it's too late to do anything about it. Of course they're going to be more aware of their kids' friends birthdays - their kids will be going to local birthday parties that won't need cards and presents posting - I'm assuming you don't live in the same town as your B and SIL.

littletwofeet Sun 28-May-17 20:05:25

Have you any other DC, have DB/SIL remembered their birthdays?

Who bought for your DS last year? Maybe if SIL does all present buying normally, your DB thought she had sorted it and SIL thought as it's your DB family, he would have sorted it.

I would buy for your DN as usual but I would say to your DB that obviously your DS doesn't know this year but he will start to notice as he gets older and that you're a bit hurt for him that they didn't get him anything.

WowThatsDifferent Sun 28-May-17 23:01:36

Thanks everyone - yes it probably was a blip, and hey, it doesn't really matter in the scheme of things. Will buy as usual and see what happens... thanks! Xxx

Designerenvy Sun 28-May-17 23:06:44

I have this withy in laws. I.never forget their kids at Christmas or birthdays but my kids don't get anything in return and it's not like they can't afford it. I still buy them gifts cos it's not the kids fault that their parents are tight fisted / ignorant and lack family values!

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