Gentle parenting toddler(9 Posts)
Hi, I've a six week old DD & a three year old ds. DS is in full time childcare & I'm on maternity leave with DD. DH working full time. In the past two weeks, DS's behavior has deteriorated. I use gentle discipline techniques (basically acknowledging & validating his feelings) & it's worked so well. His behavior has been really, really good. He's a lovely kid, affectionate, kind, polite, fun & just generally lovely to be around. Great eater & sleeper & very few tantrums.
During the last two weeks his behavior has deteriorated & he's started tantrums over a sorts. I understand that his world has changed now his sister is here and am trying to be as patient as possible but wanting him to understand that bad behavior has consequences.
In the grand scheme of things, he's not too bad but he's not himself.
Can anyone share any tips or pointers on how to deal with this? I'm breastfeeding so nit possible to leave the baby for prolonged periods.
My heart aches for him. He is also maintaining his usual food behavior in creche, so they tell me although did have a wee accident there yesterday which was very unusual, but indicates he's distressed?
Any advice welcome. Thanks in advance.
Hi SassyPants you could check out some of the posts/podcasts on www.janetlansbury.com/ about the topic of changes in toddlers life. G
Your DS is trying to get to grips with a big change in his life (a new sibling). I don't think now would be the time to change the way you parent him. I would continue to do what you're doing and ride it out. Sorry, probably not what you wanted to hear! I feel awful watching my DS go through a challenging patch but I have to remind myself that its more about me than about him (because I feel uncomfortable watching him struggle!).
Thanks Clara, I definitely intend to continue to gentle parent him, sorry, I should have made that clear, I'm just at a loss as to how to respond to his tantrums at times. I will check out those podcasts, thanks so much.
With the introduction of baby, his routine will have changed. This element of unpredictability can unsettle a toddler.
I find a great way to avoid tantrums at all is to give obvious predictability. Constant "Now we are... next we will be... Then..." conversations.
...Now I need to feed baby, then you can finish watching Paw Patrol and when that has finished we will turn the television off and get in the car. OK?...
... Ive finished feeding baby. You can watch the end of this Paw Patrol while I change Baby's nappy and then into the car to go shopping. OK?...
... Paw Patrol has finished, into the car to go shopping now. Afterwards we can go to the park. OK?...
You get the idea. It is quite forced and false language to begin with. But it becomes second nature with practice
This predictability prevents tantrums because you can anticipate them. For example if you know switchingvthe TV off might be an issue, offer plenty of warning so the child knows what's coming and when. If you know leaving the park will be a flashpoint, give predictability as to when it happens (swings now, then you can have one more go on the slide and then home time. OK?).
How much one to one time do you have with him? I notice my older childs behaviour cam be dependant on whats happening with the baby If the baby is going through a tough time ds1 tends to act up at the lack of attention so I need to not only gave him attention but actually says lets leavr ds2 with daddy and we can go out together. Its actually one of the reasons I gave up bf ds2 couldn't latch well the feed top up pump was meaning I had no time with ds1 then I found myself resenting the baby. I'm not advising you to give up though just I know how hard it is being tied to a baby for feeding when your other child needs you too.
Tantrums should be ignored. When he does have one, tell him nicely that you will love to speak to him when he calms down, but acting out like that isn't allowed. Then sit nearby or in another room (close enough to monitor him, obviously), and wait for him to settle down and come to you. Tantrums are a way for little ones to gain attention or get what they want, and if you cave into that the tantrums will continue. I'm sure this stage will pass before you know it.
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