What's for lunch today? Take inspiration from Mumsnetters' tried-and-tested recipes in our Top Bananas! cookbook - now under £10Find out more
How do you 'tell off' a 16 month old?(16 Posts)
Im after some advice, I have a very loving, sweet natured 10mo DS who has a very big personality. He isn't naughty but has always had a short attention span so we have to keep him busy.
The last 2 weeks he has really found himself. He is saying no to everything and rather than before where he'd turn his head away to his food when he had had enough, he is throwing the bowl / spoon / cup etc.
He has also started slapping me around the face when he gets excited or we are playing a game he is enjoying.
The problem is my instant reaction is to loudly shout "ah! No!" But he will laugh and then copy me repeatedly and try and hit me again or throw his dinner or his cup etc.
I have read about just ignoring them but then this doesn't feel like I'm disciplining him but my current method seems to just be a game to him!
You absolutely dont discipline a child that young. Just keep saying no and stay calm. He is playing not being naughty. You just have to keep demonstrating that it's not allowed but stay calm and forget about disciplining he isn't doing anything wrong ..his behaviour is completely normal and playful for his age.
Thanks waterrat. When I say no he just copies me though and try and repeats what he was doing. Eg. Will just slap me again and then say "noo"
And will carry on and on. I don't want to tell him off of i shouldn't I'm just not sure the best way to go about it. Nursery tell me he is always a delight I would hate for that to change
When he hits you, stroke his hand and say "gentle, we like gentle"
Honestly ignoring bad behaviour but a boring 'no' then moving away or distracting in to something else is by far the quickest way to get a change in behaviour.
If he slaps, th,e move or put him down so he can't do it again.
If he hits the bowl/spoon away, just take it away and take him out of his high hair with no fuss, maybe say in a boring voice 'we don't throw the bowl'. If you give it back to him/make a big reaction it turns it into a game.
If he hits your face playing, I would probably give him an alternative like saying 'stroke mummy - that's lovely' maybe get his hand and stroke you. Give him a big reaction/lots of praise if he does it. If he carries on hitting, put him down/walk away. Don't make a big fuss.
Or you can distract-'ooooh, let's look at this book-oh there's a big dog in it....' etc. So you're completely ignoring the hitting and moving him on to something else.
At that age, you want to ignore the bad behaviour as much as you can and go over the top praise on the good.
He'll enjoy a reaction good or bad-so you making a big deal shouting loudly 'no' will be fun/funny/a great game to him and is in a way encouraging that behaviour as he's getting loads of attention from it.
He's experimenting with cause and effect, he realises that throwing his bowl on the floor gets "no!" So he keeps doing it to check if it happens all the time, same with the slapping.
At this age food on the floor comes with the territory, just put a tiny amount on his tray so there's not much to throw.
He will grow out of this phase so it's a case of distracting and managing a situation until he's a bit older. He's still a baby.
Interesting thread. Sorry to jump on the band wagon - what do you do if they are biting you with excitement at this age and then laughing at you when you say 'ow, no that hurts,we don't bite'
For biting I put him down and leave the room for a minute. He hates that and very rarely bites, although that could be coincidence. I breastfeed so can't put up with biting!
Thank you, yes he would hate it if I left room for a minute. I can't even go into the bathroom alone anymore without a protest!😂
He throws the bowl - "the bowl is used for eating, I see you have thrown it so I can see you're not hungry so I'll take it away" (maybe not so long winded!). If he moans then ask him if he's hungry and put the bowl back. Repeat...
He slaps you in excitement- put him down and tell him he hurt you. "Hands are for playing with or using to do things". ie point out what they are for not what they are not for.
Try "how to talk so kids will listen..." book.
Remember, he's not being naughty.
Redirect his inappropriate behaviour to something appropriate and provide boundaries.
So for hitting out of excitement, as others said, try changing it to stroking, or you can teach him to do a high five or clap instead and then keep your instruction very simple 'Not mummy's face. High five? High five! Yeah!' If you can catch his arm to interrupt or offer the high 5 before he even goes for the face even better as you're sort of rewriting his impulsive actions.
Again with eating try teaching him some kind of signal he can give when he wants to get down. The bowl throwing is fun plus it likely gets him the result he wants. Small amounts of food at a time and supervision when it gets close to the time he might be finishing so you can intervene. And make a game of tgrowing a ball in the garden or similar.
The key at this age is to replace unwanted behaviours or provide an appropriate context for them, because he won't be able to do that himself, meaning that even if he could understand he was supposed to stop doing something (which he won't directly) he wouldn't have the impulse control to actually stop.
I have an 18month old. Some books that gave tips we find useful are 'no bad kids' and 'how to talk so toddlers will listen'
I'm in similar position op, 17 mo has started slapping / punching (really hard ) and pinching my arm while feeding. It's really difficult not to react as it is painful, but it's true that he loves the reaction. Yesterday I ignored him ( actually had a quiet little cry to myself for a minute, long day) and when I came back to him he was much nicer, being gentle and stroking my arm nicely. Let's hope they grow out of it quickly.
Join the discussion
Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, watch threads, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.Register now »
Already registered? Log in with:
Please login first.