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Struggling. Difficult baby.

(14 Posts)
Basketofwool Sun 14-May-17 20:11:58

My DS is 10 months. He is such a serious baby. Doesn't smile much and barely laughs. I think he's properly giggled maybe twice in his life. And he hates being held. I can't have him on my hip, he pushes away and leans outwards. Doesn't ever want a cuddle. I'm allowed to hold him but only if he's facing outwards. He's impatient, noisy, shrieks all the time and just generally doesn't chill out. I can't take him anywhere cos he is that noisy baby that everyone stares at.

He's my first baby and I feel like this whole parenting thing is tough enough but I don't seem to get any of the rewards that are promised - lovely cuddles, smiles, giggles etc.

Just wanted to vent really, and wondering whether anyone else had a similar baby who became a cute and lovable child??!

DuckWaddle Sun 14-May-17 20:18:59

Yes, I did. My first child was so difficult and I found it so hard. I really feel for you. I felt like a complete failure and I missed out on all the gorgeous, baby stage. It was by far the hardest time for me. My dd has been a gorgeous toddler though and is so loving and caring now. I've no idea what was happening when she was a baby but there is hope, I promise.
I know how isolating and relentless it can be. On the plus side all the toddler tantrums etc seem easy by comparison!! My second child was a chilled, happy baby. So I realised it wasn't due to me the 1st time. I sadly realised what is missed out on the first time.
I hope you get lots of help and support.

Whatsername17 Sun 14-May-17 20:19:30

My dd was a screamy nightmare until she was 7 months. Then she was a challenging toddler and now she's a strong willed but awesome 5yo. Don't let the fact that he is a shouty baby stop you from going places. What does he like doing? You are only a couple of months away from walking. You might find that changes everything. I used to find reading stories really helped when dd was a pain. She would prefer her daddy over me and stories were my way in.

EveryoneTalkAboutPopMusic Sun 14-May-17 20:20:49

How are things like his feeding and sleeping? When you say he shrieks when you are out, is he crying or just being noisy? You say he's not chilled, how chilled are you when you are with him? The last question isn't a criticism at all, it's just that from your post you seem like you are struggling and perhaps feeling a bit uptight, which he will pick up on.

miniloco Sun 14-May-17 20:38:05

Yup I had 1 of those! Used to have a meltdown whenever we went out, didn't particularly like cuddles and didn't like being carried in a sling (but screamed when I left the room hmm), just generally a massive grump. She's a smiley happy giggly 2 year old now! I remember how frustrating it was but it definitely doesn't mean they'll be that way forever.

Basketofwool Sun 14-May-17 20:46:47

duck and whats thank you, that is reassuring. I do feel like I'm missing out, and really hoping that if we have another I can enjoy the experience a little more.

everyone He's not crying, just noisy, although the volume and frequency increases if he's bored/tired/wants something.
He sleeps well - about three hours naps a day and 11 hours at night. Eats pretty well. I do wonder about a possible intolerance as he suffers from constipation.

You might have a point about how relaxed I am. I try and be smiley and calm, my personality is quiet and calm, but its very possible he can sense my tension.

RNBrie Sun 14-May-17 20:56:43

My third dc is like this. She's 11 months old and just such hard work. Nothing to do with me being relaxed, she's my third and I couldn't be more relaxed!!

I guess it's easier for me because I know it's not me. She's just nothing like my first two, she seems very frustrated with her life, she can't talk or run around and I keep telling myself she'll be easier when she can do those things but I suspect she will always be frustrated until she's able to properly keep up with her siblings.

Go out, no one minds a chatty (shrikey) baby. I take plenty of things for her to do - her favourite activity is taking things out of something and putting them back in so I give her a toy bag with bits in. I also take a lot of snacks - raisins in their box keep her entertained (quiet) for ages, blueberries and breadsticks.

Also - I think cuddling is a developmental thing. Babies don't really give cuddles, they are either happy being held close or they aren't and I don't think it's that unusual for curious babies to want to see out. Cuddling comes a bit later so don't take it personally!!

Basketofwool Sun 14-May-17 21:09:42

It's interesting that you have all mentioned girls, I definitely blamed some of his character on him being a boy!

brie good advice. I'm gradually learning all the things I need to take out to keep him occupied.
He has just learnt to crawl which has helped a bit. I suspect once he is fully mobile and talking he might chill out a bit. Fingers crossed that doesn't take too long!

BettyOBarley Sun 14-May-17 21:15:51

I definitely think it could be a frustration of not being able to move as he sounds very similar to my DS who is almost 8 months. DS is actually a very happy, very smiley baby but I can't hold, cuddle, sit with him as it's like trying to wrestle with an angry octopus. He wrenches my hair, pushes, nips, tries to buckaroo off my knee, gets bored with any activity/toy after about a minute or two - it's exhausting!
I do think hope once they're mobile maybe they will relax a little??!

And funnily enough I wondered if it was a boy thing!

blue2014 Sun 14-May-17 21:33:44

I've no advice really but wanted to reassure you to still come along to things. I go to a few things where there is a loud or grumpy or crying baby. Doesn't bother me at all, in fact - they're often the ones I'm most fond of smile

Basketofwool Sun 14-May-17 21:37:03

betty that all sounds very familiar! He wants to grab everything but it all gets dropped on the floor within 20 seconds.
My MIL very sweetly promises these are signs of intelligence! 😂
He doesn't even want to be held/cuddled when he's poorly.

Popskipiekin Sun 14-May-17 21:42:54

My Dnephew was like this. Serious non-smiley and "difficult" baby. SiL is super relaxed and happy - but having this as her first baby really stressed her out - and she had a hard time comparing to my DS1 who was easy and happy. DN is much more chilled now and extremely happy toddler. Conversely I now have DS2 who is very serious and not nearly as "rewarding" as DS1 - he will only smile for his brother, and grudgingly at that, so the days at home just the two of us are very long and frustrating - but I'm sure he'll cheer up soon, and yours will too.

EveryoneTalkAboutPopMusic Sun 14-May-17 22:12:25

Agree with the other posters. Please don't stay at home because he's noisy and if people look, that's just human nature.

It's interesting that you mention an intolerance. I've got CMPA and I'm a right grumpy sod when I'm having a reaction.

ruby242 Mon 15-May-17 15:02:36

My now almost 2 year old sounds similar at that age. Very noisy schreeching and appeared to not like cuddles (even when hurt). He now gives me the most lovely cuddles and has stopped the noisy screams! He's so much happier so have hope! Your little one might also prefer to face away from you as he wants to see what's happening in the world 😀

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