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I want another baby , partner dosnt

(9 Posts)
Juliet88 Sat 13-May-17 18:42:52

Hi just wanted people's thoughts
I have been with my partner 3 years , we are engaged and have a 2 year old son together . My partner has a 6 year old girl from a previous relationship and we have her 3 days a week.
We have talked about having another baby when our son is around 3 years old and of course if we are in a better finansel situation.
Today my partner told me he dosnt want anymore , he has two kids and that's enough!
Don't get me wrong I love his little girl as if she was my own but I have only had one ! I don't know if that makes sense to anyone ?
I am upset that he has just changed his mind and would just like people's thoughts please x

EveryoneTalkAboutPopMusic Sat 13-May-17 19:07:58

Have you asked him why he's changed his mind. Is the wedding booked?

Juliet88 Sat 13-May-17 19:24:53

No we havnt booked the wedding , we still need to save for it.

PurpleDaisies Sat 13-May-17 19:27:36

I think unfortunately if he doesn't want another baby that's it. You've got a thought decision to make if you do want more. It's a shame he's changed his mind but at least you know now.

PurpleDaisies Sat 13-May-17 19:29:24

Sorry, my post sounds really cold reading it back! It must be awful for you to find out that he's changed his mind about another baby and I hope you've got some real life support around you (friend or family member) to help you decide how to go forward. flowers

gamerchick Sat 13-May-17 19:32:47

Unfortunately the one who doesn't trumps the one who does. What you need to decide is whether it's a deal breaker or not.

Don't get married until you've made peace with it though.

Starlight2345 Sat 13-May-17 19:35:11

I would want to know why..Is it the money? Is it he feels he simply doesn't want anymore? it could be a million reasons..

I can say though as a mum of an only child . I never thought I would only have one but love it..

Maybe you need to look at why you want the second one too.

Writerwannabe83 Sun 14-May-17 21:05:23

Hi OP

It's a really difficult situation to be in and you have my sympathies.

When DH and I had our DS (he's just turned three) we always said we'd only have one for a few reasons but when DS reached 15 months old I started to crave another but DH was adamant we were sticking with one. We used to talk about it a lot and because it was me who had moved the goal posts I felt I had no choice but to accept his decision. It really upset me though and every month, sometimes every few weeks, I would be bringing up the subject again, desperate to change his mind.

Not long before DS turned two (so about 9 months after I first spoke to DH about having another baby) something really upsetting happened at work (involving a child's death) and I went home and cried my eyes out to DH and really explained to him how much having another child meant to me. He said that his reasons for not wanting one weren't as strong as my reasons for wanting one and because he could now really see how much it meant to me he agreed to TTC. It took about 10 cycles to get a BFP but I'm now 26 weeks pregnant with Baby #2 and we are both over the moon.

I agree that you need to ask exactly why he's changed his mind. He's moved the goal posts so he owes you an explanation. He is obviously well within his rights to change his mind, nobody should have a child they don't want but he needs to be honest with you about where this has come from and then you need to decide upon your next steps.

If my DH had been 100% adamant that another child wasn't on the cards I wouldn't have left him and I wouldn't have resented him for it because it was me, not him, that had changed our plans by asking for another. If we had been in your situation, both in agreement for a second child and then him changing his mind, I think I would struggle to get past that if having more than one child was something really important to me.

Juliet88 Sun 14-May-17 21:55:06

Thank you Writerwannabe83
Thank you for sharing your story and congrates on baby no# 2
I will have to sit down with him and have a good chat and see where we go from there

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