Advanced search

What's for lunch today? Take inspiration from Mumsnetters' tried-and-tested recipes in our Top Bananas! cookbook - now under £10

Find out more

Should I end this friendship AIBU

(9 Posts)
ffab Sat 13-May-17 16:22:39

A friend has a one year old and has just had a new baby. She asked me to babysit when her oldest was four months old. We agreed she would be back at 1am. She came back at 2.30am with no apology. The next time she asked me to babysit I reminded her that I had a meeting at 1pm and she needed to be back by 12.30pm. She came back at 12.45pm so I was late for my meeting, again no apology.

I declined the next time she asked me to babysit. She has since asked again and I pointed out that her lateness the last two times means I don't want to babysit again. She did (eventually) apologise for her lateness but then said. "Now that's out of the way can you babysit again sometime." I said I'd think about it and she responded with "Don't you want a relationship with X" (her son).

I was utterly taken aback. She seems to think it's a privilege for me to look after him, where I see it as an (unpaid) favour for a friend. My children are grown up so there will never be any reciprocity.

I haven't known her that long and since she became a parent her world revolves around her children. This is, of course, as it should be but she seems to think I should feel the same way about them as she does, which is ludicrous.

She claims that I am the only person she trusts to look after her son which I think is emotional blackmail. She and her husband are going through a very bad patch so whenever I see her she is usually complaining about him and to be frank it is getting very boring.

I've tried to let her down gently by declining social invitations etc but she is still asking me to get back to her on whether I would be willing to babysit in the future! She clearly can't take the hint. Should I spell it out that I don't want to continue the friendship or just keep ignoring her in the hope that she will eventually get it?

EveryoneTalkAboutPopMusic Sat 13-May-17 16:30:14

I'd not respond but then I'm a coward blush

beanabonce Sat 13-May-17 16:41:54

I have been in a very similar situation op. I hate confrontation so it took a lot for me to say something, and it actually ended up with us falling out. A few months passed and she came to me apologising. I guess the break made her realise that she was taking the piss. But anyway id suggest meeting with her without any children and making a point of reminding her of that you aren't the runaround babysitter! (And no I don't babysit her kids all the time anymore!)

QuiteLikely5 Sat 13-May-17 16:45:06

She was trying to make you feel guilty when she said that, I think.

Anyway she took advantage of you and now she is going to have to pay for it!

I really don't blame you for walking away! She is taking you for granted

Gillian1980 Sat 13-May-17 18:29:57

I would either keep fobbing her off and hope she gets the message, or tell her that the friendship feels very one-sided and that makes you feel upset.

She isn't seeing things from your perspective at all.

lottieandmia Sat 13-May-17 18:31:47

Yanbu. Her behaviour shows a lack of respect for you. You've given her enough chances.

ThinkOfAWittyNameLater Sat 13-May-17 18:34:23

I'd tell her you don't plan to babysit again. That will probably end the relationship for you.

She sounds like a taker. The sooner you get rid, the better. Well done for spotting is so soon btw!

Aquamarine1029 Mon 15-May-17 04:46:03

Say no and keep saying no every time she asks. You do not owe this woman anything. You are NOT their caregiver. Don't feel guilty for one second.

ArsenalsPlayingAtHome Mon 15-May-17 04:59:26

YANBU. I would let the friendship fizzle out, which it will do, and pretty quickly once she realises you aren't up for babysitting anymore.

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, watch threads, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now »

Already registered? Log in with: