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Introducing new baby to ex-communicated in-laws

(5 Posts)
MelvinThePenguin Fri 12-May-17 15:51:06

I have a bit of a dilemma that's been keeping me awake. Just what I need on top of the backache, sharp kicks and constant trips to the loo which are afflicting me currently!

I'm expecting our second child any day now (39 weeks) and I'm still undecided about how to handle my in-laws when baby arrives.

To cut a long story short, I haven't had any contact with my mother and father-in-law for 18 months. My husband and I agree that this is best all round because the strained relationship I have with them just stresses me out in a big way and causes a knock on impact on our own home life. I will spare you the detail, but he also agrees that it is their unreasonable behaviour which has led to this position.

The dilemma is that I don't want to prevent my in-laws from having a relationship with their grandchildren. My husband takes our 2 year old to see them semi-regularly and to be honest they don't show a great deal of interest in upping this. I also avoid talking about them at all around my daughter, to limit the impact my feelings have on her.

So what do I do about a new baby?

I will be aiming to be home from hospital ASAP after delivery and breastfeeding for as long as I can stand it (admittedly only managed a few weeks last time). They are not welcome in my home, but I obviously can't be separated from baby for any lengthy period.

My options seem to be to accept that there will be a delay in them meeting grandchild no.2, which my husband is expecting but which makes me sad, or to risk my own mental health by allowing them into 'my space' for this occasion.

I know that might sound a bit dramatic, but I did actually seek counselling over some of the things they said to me.

As far as I know, my in-laws haven't broached the topic at all, which in itself is odd to me.

I just don't know what to do for the best...

Mombie2016 Fri 12-May-17 15:52:50

Bollocks to them I say. Mums mental health and wellbeing is absolute priority at this time.

AppleMagic Fri 12-May-17 15:54:35

Accept the delay. A tiny baby won't remember the visit anyway and it sounds like your in-laws don't deserve much consideration.

Highlove Fri 12-May-17 15:56:42

As the PP says, fuck 'em. Your baby won't know or care if it doesn't meet them for a few months and it won't impact any possible long-term relationship. Really - put yourself first here.

MelvinThePenguin Fri 12-May-17 16:39:55

Thanks all. You're right. What's best for me is best for my newborn.

I wish I didn't have such an overactive conscience!

Thank goodness they somehow managed to raise such a thoughtful and understanding son.

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