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Two under two.. Going a bit mad

(31 Posts)
NorthLondonmum83 Thu 11-May-17 16:45:20

At home 2.5 days a week with 7 week old and 23 month old, feel as though I'm trapped in hell tbh. Hate myself for admitting that I'm just not enjoying a minute of this. Absolutely love spending time with the toddler, ditto the baby - but can't cope with days when I have the both of them! The baby needs to be held an awful lot, fair enough, and the toddler is incredibly difficult and jealous. Have brought forward my return to work date already and feeling as though I'll regret it...does it get easier? Can't help but feel like an utter failure

Iloveanimals Thu 11-May-17 17:18:34

Aww I'm sorry you feel like this. Have you got any friends with kids you can meet up with during the week?

Chattycat78 Thu 11-May-17 17:34:24

....see my post!!! (Toddler and a baby, is it meant to be this hard?)!!

Yeah it's well hard. 17 month gap here. There are no words! Get a sling. Get out of the house if you can. flowers

waterrat Thu 11-May-17 17:46:03

The first year with two children was one of the worst of my life!

It's shit - nver the energy for either of them - but you know what - YES it absolutely gets easier! I can promise you that - all the usual baby milestones which you remember from last time - but what I forgot when I felt down was that the toddler also has milestones to hit - as your older ones language improves/ as you get to a stage where you aren't as tired etc.

to be honest I never loved having both of them and felt enormous relief when the older one started pre school at 3 - it literally transformed my days - (and he had been doing 2 days with the childminder before that) - it just meant I knew he had a great morning - I collected him and didn't feel so stressed out or obsessed with how to fill the day.

Now I have a 5 and 3 year old and they are the best of friends - the 5 yr old makes me laugh and the 3 year old is just so sweet - don't forget that the first six months or so with a baby are hard anyway! you are exhausted - it's natural that you dont' want to look after both at once.

I would just get as much help as possible and try to remind yourself that in the long run it will work out and you will have two kids close together who can play and entertain each other.

Ecureuil Thu 11-May-17 17:49:45

I had 19 months between mine and no childcare for DC1 so was on my own with them 5 (long) days a week. The first 6 months were hell. An absolute blur. Neither of them slept a wink either, and DD1 dropped her nap just before DD2 was born.
Hang on in there, it gets easier.

PragmaticWench Thu 11-May-17 17:50:56

It was hands down the worst HELL of my entire life having a reflux baby and 22 month old DD. I remember sitting on the kitchen floor sobbing and wondering if I'd prefer to be dead. I honestly hated every long day and long night.

Now they are 2.5 and 4 and they are so much fun! Mostly...

The only way through is to realise you can't do everything, just get through each hour and nap whenever you get a chance.

Neverwantedthis Thu 11-May-17 17:55:54

I did 3 under 2 - don't remember much of it but we got through. Disney junior was my friend

Chattycat78 Thu 11-May-17 18:17:12

Loving the stories of it getting better! Here's hoping...!!!

Ecureuil Thu 11-May-17 19:05:07

Mine are 3.5 and nearly 2 now and apart from the bickering/refusing to share with each other it's a breeze! wink

ontono3 Thu 11-May-17 19:24:23

I have a 3 yr old and a 9 month old I'm pregnant again there's only going to be 17 months between the youngest I'm absolutely dreading it good thing is my son is in full time school.

SaorAlbaGuBrath Thu 11-May-17 19:27:11

11 month gap with our youngest two and I'm not going to lie, I barely remember the first year let alone how I coped. They're now both 3 (until DDs birthday next month) and it's getting easier. Hang in there OP.

Minirocky Thu 11-May-17 19:33:35

I remember feeling the same!
19 months between them and dd2 had cmpa and reflux.
First year is a blur, now they're four and 2.5 ish it is getting better every day and it has been worth it I can say with hindsight. Keep on in there you're doing great I'm sure!

Newname20 Thu 11-May-17 19:36:00

I have a 17 month gap between my two. first year was horrendous, not helped by us moving to a different area of the country where we knew no one when dd2 was 5 months. It got better and they have been fantastic at playing together and keeping themselves occupied since dd2 was about 18months. They are now 7 and 8 and are best friends, if i had to choose again i would definitely have a small age gap, it is worth it in the end!

Wisteria1979 Thu 11-May-17 19:46:20

chatty - read your OP on the other thread and then lost it. Try different styles of toddler groups. In noisy busy ones mine always turned into a rather boisterous one, the naughtiest around by far. Accidentally one day happened upon a church open morning (mixture, so old, young and in the middle, not a toddler group per say more of a community get together with a Lego and craft corner) and my toddler sat quietly playing for ages. I even had a cup of tea. He clearly thrived in a quieter environment so worth testing different things.
op - it will get easier..... If you are lucky enough to have an easy baby make the most of the days it's just the two of you and do what you enjoy doing. As it gets nicer and warmer it will be easier to spend more time outside which helps.
It's still early on but structure to the day will come and that helps. In a few weeks hopefully you may be able to work towards synchronised naps. When my youngest was around 6 months (16m gap) they both slept for just over an hour after lunch, which allows for a desperate sofa slump to recharge.

NSEA Thu 11-May-17 19:46:51

I was like this. I counted the hours my gusband would come home from work and looked forward to days I had company. Then one day I suddenly realised I had stopped doing that and just got on with it. It was around ghe 6 month mark with my second one. Which I suppose feels an age away but around fhis time everyone gets better sleep and solids are introduced so meal times are easier etc.

Chattycat78 Thu 11-May-17 19:54:39

Thanks wisteria - great idea. I've been going to the same toddler groups thinking id make friends. It hasn't happened.sad partly because I'm so busy running around like an idiot after the toddler! Will definitely try something else.

TwatteryFlowers Thu 11-May-17 19:58:33

2 under 2 was hell on earth and ds, my eldest, wasn't jealous or anything; in fact he loved his baby sister. I can't even really remember why it was so difficult. Dd had reflux and cried a lot but otherwise there wasn't anything that should have caused so much stress. I was/am bad at coping.

They're 6&4 now and are really close. They do everything together and ds is a lovely big brother. Things are much easier now - they both sleep through the night (ds is even starting to have a lie-in on a weekend shock ), they are more independent and a lot less demanding on me, my body or my time and they are both at school/full time childcare so I'm not stuck with them 24/7.

We are in chicken pox hell at the moment but it is so much easier. flowers

TheEagle Thu 11-May-17 20:09:15

Keep on going, it does get easier.

My DS1 was 18.5 months when my twins were born.

First year/year and a half was a crazy blur of sleeplessness, too much Peppa Pig and a feeling like I was going to lose my mind.

They're 3.5 and 2 now, it's still hard but I get a good night's sleep and it definitely feels like easier days are coming.

Mine are all boys and are either hugging each other or shoving each other. It's so much easier to get out and about with the 3 of them now.

Be sure to have plenty of good coffee in the house and a plenty of opportunities to hand them over to someone else for a couple of hours flowers

professorvape Fri 12-May-17 01:00:07

14 month age gap here, DC now 7&8. My DEEPEST sympathies. You're in the middle of what I call 'the blur years'. It's bloody hard going, but keep going - you'll get so much payoff when they start playing together. You will come out the other end of it. Things that helped me:

1. Being super organised (sounds so easy grin). I stand by this though. It may feel like it's more energy than you can muster, but I really found that a determined effort spent being militant paid off enormously in saving time and stress overall. So PJs set out for the evening every morning, set alarm to get up and try to have a shower before kids wake, change bag always stocked, meal plan etc.

2. Spend time going to several playgroups until you find a couple you like. Go to said playgroups.

3. Get out of the house ever day.

4. CBeebies is your friend. No guilt. It's necessary for survival.

5. Get as much sleep as you can grab.

Keep going!

HughLauriesStubble Fri 12-May-17 01:14:19

12 month age gap between my first 2 and now I have a 3.3 yo, 2.3 yo and 8 week old shock

Military precision organisation and a good routine are the key.

Get out of the house every day both for your own sanity and to tire the toddler out.

Playgroups are great as you get other adult interaction while your little ones get to burn off some energy.

If there are things you find difficult to do because your older dc wants attention (housework, shopping etc), try and involve them and make a game out of it.

It gets easier! grin

NorthLondonmum83 Fri 12-May-17 13:07:45

Gosh thanks all for the lovely messages and advice! Have just managed to orchestrate a double nap and already world feels like a better place. The toddler groups do really help when he's not at nursery - I feel as though I'm slightly staring into the abyss of July and August when everything stops for summer - the weather had better improve!

MrsELM21 Fri 12-May-17 13:15:21

I had the same age gap as you (well 22 months) bloody hideous!!

But only hideous for a short period and now amazing!! They play together, they entertain each other and they are each other's best friends, in honesty it's going to be a tough year but it gets so much better, hang on in there, utilise childcare and get out of the house at every possible opportunity winebrewcake

MrsELM21 Fri 12-May-17 13:17:17

How funny, is not read the other threads before posting, this is clearly a very common thing!! And also good to see that there are loads of people reinforcing that it definitely gets better!!

TessTube Fri 12-May-17 13:19:21

You'll be back at work by then, I take some leave and work 2 days per week in the hols - that helps!!

TessTube Fri 12-May-17 13:22:02

OMG Betfred - £5 free bet for betting on the Eurovision Song Contest.


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