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Adoption or name change

(9 Posts)
anxiousbuthappy Tue 09-May-17 22:14:31

I have a child who I've raised alone since birth. Birth father/sperm donor disappeared when I was pregnant. Haven't heard from him since & wouldn't know where to find him or how to contact him - apart from a brief call to tell me he didn't want a child with me (during pregnancy) & told me when baby was older, to explain that he didn't want child or me, I've heard nothing from him in years.

Fast forward several years, new (not so new now) relationship, wedding booked & another child. Calls him Dad. It just happened, we didn't suggest or push it.

I want my hubby to be to have parental responsibility & both children to officially be his - do we have to be married for this to happen? Considering going down the adoption route but don't know what it entails. Has anyone done this? A friend has just suggested name change by deed poll.
I want it to be official. I've read up on it, tried to make contact with social services to try & start the process (no response).

What do I need to do? Anyone been in our situation & able to offer advice. Thanks in advance

EveryoneTalkAboutPopMusic Tue 09-May-17 22:45:59

Is he on the birth certificate?

anxiousbuthappy Tue 09-May-17 22:55:50


Crikeyblimey Tue 09-May-17 22:59:56

For step parent adoption, you have to temporarily relinquish PR (which seems bonkers) too.

How old is the child? It may make a difference to your decision. Name change wouldn't give you dp parental responsibility.

Best thing is to ask the local authority for advice.

EveryoneTalkAboutPopMusic Tue 09-May-17 23:04:50

Should be straightforward then. Have a read of this.

Torenova84 Tue 09-May-17 23:26:55

i dont know how it worked when i was a child - similar situation to yourself. i remember my mum just changing my name at the doctors and school after she got married, i dont think it was ever done my deed poll. I think when it came to my passport my doctor had to write a letter to say that i was who i was and had known me as such and such for so many years. once the first passport got sorted theres been no issue since and i have a different surname on my birth certificate.

My mum asked me when i was a little older if i wanted it to be "official" and have my dad adopt me but it didnt matter to me as he was my dad and dint need a piece of paper, but i totally understand where your coming from in regards to parental rights. i have no idea how it worked for us from that point of view.

KatyN Wed 10-May-17 08:09:02

I think adoption would cover you if you were to die. Some friends of mine did adoption and name change. They announced it at their wedding. It was rather lovely.

I'm not going to mention the archers!!

EveryoneTalkAboutPopMusic Wed 10-May-17 08:11:43

'm not going to mention the archers grin

Somerville Wed 10-May-17 08:15:45

You can apply to share PR with him as soon as you're married. It's very straightforward and quick.
Adoption takes much longer, and some local authorities are much more supportive than others. In my LA they dislike SP adoptions where the couple hasn't first sorted PR: they want to see an enduring commitment between all members of the family, and marriage and PR are the best ways of doing so.

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