I have name-changed for this, as I am really ashamed that i'm clearly failing my son in some way and I don't know how to solve the problem
My son is four, and will be starting school in September, but i'm really struggling with his behaviour.
We love him to pieces, but to be honest, he has always been very challenging! Mostly this has been things like bad sleeping, refusal to listen, temper etc, but unfortunately he seems to have a violent streak, and I have no idea what to do about it. It started really young, before he even really seemed to know what he was doing (around 15 months). He would push and hit and throw things at people. For a while I stopped taking him to groups and things, because it was becoming really awkward and I was conscious that we were getting a bit of a reputation. We really tried to get on top of it and encourage nice behaviour, and constantly talked about feelings and the importance of being kind etc. Once he hit about three and a half, he seemed to get a lot better, he had been on a sort of behaviour plan at pre-school for children with social issues, and they decided to take him off this as he had improved so much, which was great! However, over the last couple of months, things seem to have nose-dived, and he's doing awful things. I have had to sign three incident forms lately, two because he put his hands around another childs throat as if to strangle them, and another today because he punched a child in the face. I am so upset. He is four years old, so while he is young, he is more than old enough to understand that what he is doing is wrong. I don't understand where he has learned the behaviour from, he is from a very loving family, and there is absolutely no violence of any kind in our home, my husband and I never even argue let alone fight! He only ever watches age-appropriate television, and we only read age appropriate books with him. We have a lot of pets, (most of which were around before him so he has grown up with them) so we have always encouraged gentle, kind behaviour and talked about not hurting the animals etc. We've tried so many things, behaviour charts, marble jars, taking toys away if he's been unkind, rewarding good behaviour and ignoring bad, but nothing bothers him, he just doesn't care. I told him today that after the incident at preschool today, he's not allowed to watch anything on the TV tomorrow, and he just said 'I don't care, i'll watch it the next day instead.' He is an only child (this is not by design, we have been trying for another child for almost two years with no luck) in a family where there are no children at all, so he is used to a lot of adoration and attention from adults, and is often spoiled because everyone dotes on him as the only child for 26 years. I know this isn't helpful for him, and I have asked that people don't spoil him so much, but it falls on deaf ears! Not that it's anyone elses fault, this is clearly more deep-rooted than him just being a bit spoiled, but I just have no idea what to do about it?
I am really embarrassed and ashamed that I can't get on top of this. It's so incredibly important that he doesn't hurt other children. I feel like writing to all of the parents to apologise because I feel so awful that their children keep getting hurt at the hands of my son. They must all think we're an awful family.
I've got to go in to preschool for a meeting tomorrow, and I have no idea what i'm going to say other than admit that actually, I have no idea how to handle this, i'm way out of my depth.
Just to add- I am pretty certain that there are no SEN or anything, in case anyone believes that might be the cause of his behaviour.
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Violent child- I don't know what to do :-(
38 replies
one2three4five · 27/04/2017 00:11
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