Is it true that you're more chilled out with your 2nd baby?(41 Posts)
When DS was born (he's now 3) the first few months were horrendous for lots of reasons and I had some very low moments quite frequently.
I'm now 24 weeks pregnant with DC2 and my excitement is a little bit overcloyded by the resurfacing memories of his touch I found it when DS was born and getting anxious about having to cope with it again.
I have spoke to a few people who have mainly said, "It's different with your second though, you're much more relaxed" and I can't tell if it's just a platitude to try and ease my worries as opposed to it actually bring true.
Did anyone else struggle with their first but then have a completely different experience with their second?
Yes. Not necessarily "chilled" more "too-fucking-knackered-for-all-the-useless-shit"
And I knew dd2 would be my last so it's been easy, and actually fun, to just roll with a lot of it.
I'm so much more relaxed with ds2. I don't obssess over baby books or keep track of milestones (I know roughly where he should be at but I don't think oh this week he must be able to do xyz). I'm more relaxed about eating habits especially as ds1 spoon fed him a yoghurt at 3 months while I wasn't looking!! Also if I was dealing with ds1, if ds2 started to cry he had to wait 5 mins, with ds1 id snatch him up at the first whimper.
In part because you have your first to look after so you don't have so much time to stress, you're also more knackered so you don't care so much
not a bad thing
But also because you know that things change and they do grow out of whatever stage they're at. People tell you this with your first but you actually believe it with your second.
Finally you know what you're doing - the first is proof you can look after a baby so again less stress.
It's insane at times but I really did find it better.
Yes, the second one is much easier. You've been through it before so you know what you're doing. DS1 wasn't the easiest of babies so I was worried about having DS2, but it was fine. I was much more relaxed and DS2 had a much easier personality which helped too.
Definitely. I used to read parenting books obsessively with DS1. I worried if I was doing the right thing or if he was hitting his mile stones etc.
With DS2 I just enjoyed him being little and didn't worry as much because I'd already done it. If that makes sense.
Oh I'm so glad to read these stories. We're trying for number 2 and number 1, while delightful at 2 and a half, was a nightmare baby and we were nervous wrecks.
I'd love the chance to do a second babyhood and feel like I know what I'm doing and don't have to panic.
No, I wouldn't say so. It depends on the baby. Dd2 was harder work with feeding and sleeping so I had to try harder. She was also very sicky!
DS was just months of constant stress & panic, DD was just a joy, once you've finally got it into your head that they don't die if you leave them crying for more than a minute etc it's a breeze!!
Yes. DD is 8 weeks and is a much more challenging baby than DS (now 2.5) but I'm finding it so much easier regardless. I struggled to find time to have a pee with DS but now on the days it's just me and DD I'm
actually a bit bored. I struggled to get to sleep between feeds at night with DS and felt horrendous as a result but I swear I'm feeding in my sleep this time around and falling to sleep instantly so actually feel less tired.
Way more relaxed. Dc2 was a bit of a bugger for sleep in comparison witb dc1 bit as soon as they were old enough to roll onto their tummy to sleep (and back again) they slept perfectly and still do.
My own sense of wellbeing was much better with dc2. If they cried they had to wait til I could get to them. If they needed cuddling to sleep they got it. If we went out for the day they just had to sleep wherever we were or on my lap or whatever. I wasnt so particular about feed times or blw or anytning like that.
Yes, so much easier second time round for all the reasons people have already mentioned.
In my case the birth was much easier/quicker (which is often the case apparently) so I felt much less tired from the outset.
Having an older sibling that you have to run around after (and will hopefully also provide entertainment for your new baby) means you don't have time to worry about all the things you spent ages thinking about first time round.
I think you perhaps learn to pick your battles more wisely simply because you have no option, which in turn leads to you being more relaxed.
For instance DD only ever ate home cooked and organic (if possible) food until she went to nursery at 11 months which I gradually relaxed over the years. Last week DS tipped cat biscuits all over the floor, found a cheerio attached to his pyjama bottoms whilst we were cleaning up and I didn't bat an eye lid.
Damn missed out the part about him eating said Cheerio.
It's a yes from me too.
Going from 0-1 was horrendous for me. Such a nerve racking and anxious time for me.
Dc2 arrived when dc1 was 2.4. I loved my second mat leave. I kept dc1 in nursery for a few sessions to keep her routine. I actually found it mostly easier on the days they were both home as I had company from the older and we already had a routine sorted. From about 6 months they started interacting with one another and dc1 has prevented many potential meltdowns of dc2 unintentionally by just talking to/ tickling him.
I think dc2 was more chilled in part because I was and he had to wait a bit for my attention.
Sorry but I have found number two much harder . With dc1 there was lots of lovely me and him time , cuddles in bed in the morning etc. Getting out of the house was fairly steaightforwRd , and I spent time with friends and their babies having coffee and cake. Second time round there is a three year old at home too, who needs breakfast in the morning, who faffs about when leaving the house, who doesn't want to go for coffee!!! I'd still mentally prepare yourself now for a tough first six months and make sure you have plenty of support. Will dc1 be in nursery?
Yes, you're more chilled about the shit that doesn't matter, but you're more tuned in to the things that do (health issues, for example). You can relax because you know what you're doing, and you're more confident in everything.
I was much more relaxed. I knew how to change nappies, bottle feed, cuddle a crying demon child... I even managed to breast feed second time around because I was calm enough to ask for help and not embarrassed to admit it wasn't working.
DC2 didn't sleep any better and the first few months were just as shit (sorry!) but I was happier knowing that it would pass. And it did.
Yup! 10 year age gap anyway, but gosh I really enjoyed it. He was an easier baby for starters but I was def more relaxed with a "this too shall pass" and "they grow so quickly" mindset.
I think there is a magic in what you experience with your first as you learn what it's like to be a mother and nothing ever replaces that, but I just calmed the fuck down with DS2.
I'd sort of agree with Joinourclub. DD1 is nearly 2 and DD2 is 12 weeks so it's tough going! But DD2 by herself is easier than DD1 was. I think it helps that she's a bit more chill as babies go but also that I'm not obsessing over every little thing like I did with DD1.
So happy to read this! 34 weeks with second and bricking it.
Hello - I found the first year with DD2 really hard and now know others who felt the same (much the same as joinourclub). It may have been age gap (3.5 years between) or other stuff going on at the time. In general I think it best not to expect too much either way. It could be fine, it might be hard, but either way, make sure you have good support or seek it out if you need it. A few years on and it's great and the two of them are a delight to watch (as well as infuriating!). But i do look back on the first year of having 2 as a bit of a blur of emotion and transition. (I was quite relaxed with DD1 though! Go figure!)
Yep. And by the time you get to number six, you're practically horizontal! Good luck, best thing in the world
Join the discussion
Please login first.