Moving a toddler abroad

[penguinpurple]

We have one dc and expecting dc2. Dh would like to work in Germany for a few months during my mat leave. Dc1 will be about 2 when/if we go. I'm in 2 minds. Obviously it is an exciting opportunity we might not get again. On the other hand it might just be really unsettling for dc1. She really follows routines, is happy at nursery, likes the swimming pool, library, playground, going to the shop etc. Also from my point of view I don't speak German, don't have friends there. Am already pretty nervous about coping with new baby as finding the toddler stage harder than newborn - tantrums stress me out so much and think we were relatively lucky with dc1 as she slept relatively well - what if next baby is a nightmare and she gets totally stressed out by the move and turns into tantrumming toddler from hell.
Would be interested to hear if anyone else has done something similar and how it went.

[teaandbiscuitsforme]

We moved for DH's job when DD was 16 months and I was 5 months pregnant. We're here for up to 2 years though, I don't think I would have done it for a couple of months so for me it would depend on whether it was long enough to make it worthwhile. It's a lot of upheaval, especially for little ones.

[waterrat]

Sounds stressful but depends on what your daily life would be like. When I had a newborn and toddler I needed my friends and a solid routine for the toddler.

My 2 yr old really needed to have normal day to day life when the second one was born. He got unsettled naturally by the new baby and it was very helpful to have his normal stuff kike childminder parks friends etc.

Also who would you be with when your husband was at work? It's lonely and hard work enough looming after little ones without such a move. I wouldn't do it unless it was longer term so you were actually starting a new life.

[Caterina99]

Your toddler would most likely be fine, but I'd worry about YOU. It sounds very isolating trapped with small children somewhere where you don't know anyone and dont speak the language.

I live abroad (US) and have been here for a few years. My DS is 22 months. Last year at 13/14 months we went back to the UK for over 6 weeks and stayed with family. He was happy enough as his general routine was the same. Meals, naps, trips to the park, playing in the garden, soft play etc. he didn't seem to mind the different location at all. But an older child, with the upheaval of a new baby might find it harder.

[Paninotogo]

A few months is just a long holiday, I would do it. Small children are very portable and very flexible.

[waterrat]

It's only a holiday if your partner is also not working !

[penguinpurple]

Thank you for the opinions. I think we will end up doing it (provided it all works out with dh's job) somewhat against my better judgement.
Like waterrat says I don't think it is going to feel much like a holiday for me!
Anyway my mum is keen to come for a good chunk of time which will be helpful and hopefully dh will be able to reduce his hours and go less than full time and it's not for a really long time even if it is horrendous!
I am quite stressed at the thought of moving, how to pack enough stuff and keep thinking of all the things we will need, cot, high chair, pram etc. Could work out pretty expensive!
On the other hand don't think I can deny dh the opportunity as he has been keen to get this sort of experience for years but because of my work has never come off. Also thinking positive it will be an interesting experience for all of us.

[Scotinoz]

We relocated overseas when the children were 2 and 13mths. Granted, we moved back to the UK but not near family (they're 4hrs drive away). It's hard, but ok. I suppose we'd moved a few times as singles/a couple and had no family support where we were so it's maybe a bit different.

Our youngest wasn't fazed by moving, and the eldest mostly just found it all to be a bit adventure. We've had a bit of ups and downs in terms of the eldest missing friends and generally having her routine unsettled, but nothing major.

In practical terms of settling in a new place, you just have to be a bit confident. Chat to random people, seek out ex-pat groups etc etc.