Exhausted

[user1492876497]

Does anyone just have a day where they feel rubbish? How do you pull yourself out of a rut?

I feel shattered and almost numb. I am a full time teacher and mum to a 1 year old. I just feel really exhausted by life. I do not get a minute to myself – as soon as my DD is asleep I have to do work. Before I had my LO I used to go into work for 7 and out by 6.30 which was a long day but I never ever brought work home except for Sunday mornings. It was so structured and I had time to be me.
Now I have to do the nursery drop and never even get r breakfast for myself before I leave. I get into work minutes before I need to go to registration and have to leave for nursery pick up at 5.15. I feel like everything I do for my daughter is just not enugh. I have no energy to play with her, I had used the TV to babysit her r so I can try and clean the house which is disgusting. I burnt dinner today and have no other food in as I forgot to do the online shop so he had back up Ella’s meal. I have such nice ideas for how to spend the weekend but when it comes I am just tired it feels like a struggle. I feel so guilty all the time. 

My husband works away at times and when he is here he is no help. I have spoken to him and told him how I struggle but he does not seem to care. I have suggested giving up my responsibilities at work and he told me we cannot afford to! I have literally cried to move closer to my family for support and he refuses to do so – he does not speak to my family and wants to limit time with our daughter (I think – he has never actually said this but after we were married he changed in personality which my parents commented on and he had a heated discussion with them and hasn’t spoken to them since). Since we married he has changed a lot and I don’t quite know what to do with it – I don’t know how he hid his darker side for so long. When I do really push him to help I just know there will be an argument of some sort to follow.

I just don’t know what to do, I feel like I am going to drop someday soon of exhaustion. I do not take care of myself at all, unhealthy dinners (gaining weight which is making me even more sad), no chance to exercise – barely a chance to shower without having to play peek – a –boo to entertain LO. I feel rubbish in all my clothes and quite lonely a lot of the time.

How do you all cope? How do you work full time, make healthy dinners, have clean or at least tidy homes and ensure you have groceries in, laundry done?

Do you get any time to yourself?

[purpleme12]

I feel like I've got nothing left to give at the minute. I don't have anyone to make me feel special. Want some time to myself but it's not going to happen. Feel like she demands so much of me

[TeaCakeLiterature]

Hi,
I know exactly what you mean as I'm a teacher too. It's mad and I don't think it's possible to do this job well and be a good mum...if anyone can I look forward to them sharing their secret!!

So many people I know are leaving teaching, taking pay cuts because then they can be happier, healthier and a better parent and you cannot put a price on that.

[DomesticAnarchist]

I wrote a reply, after skim-reading your post, but I've read it again and deleted my reply.

Your work/life balance is difficult to get right in your profession. Right now, it sounds like you might need to take some time off, while your DD is in childcare to collect yourself again. Don't feel guilty about this.

But the real issue is your DP. You need relationship advice separate to work/life advice, I think.

He needs to be giving you time to recover at weekends (or whenever he's home). As in, he needs to let you sleep, look after his child and cook & clean (as you manage to do the rest of the time). I don't know how you can achieve this. Try posting in Relationships for better advice?

[Twentyten2010]

Do you think you'd feel better with more time to yourself? Time to unwind and chill? Maybe time to stay late a few times a week and for DH to do the nursery pick ups? If so, I'd say you've got a DH problem, not a work problem or a spare time problem.

Would life be easier if you left him and moved closer to your parents?

What would happen if you just left him with your DD and went out for the day one weekend?

[user1492876497]

Thanks so much for the reponses. It does help to hear others find the balance tricky with teaching and bring a mum. I agree TeaCakeLiterature that I do think it is impossible to do a good job at both jobs. It makes you feel so rubbish about both. I also have additional responsibilities and it is getting simply impossible to juggle everything.

Domestic A I had not thought of time off as I am not sick and un the run up to exams I just couldn't do that to my students or department. It does actually sound like the only way I might get a minute to myself. I will try posting in relationships.

Twentyten2010 I do consider staying up late but I never can - I am just too tired. I have even had him get passive about how I never sit with him as I am always so tired. I left them once a couple of months ago to meet a friend for lunch and he called me to come home as DD was crying and he was hungry and couldn't get a chance to make his lunch.

In an ideal world I would leave him but hell would follow from his side! Reading this back to does seem like I need to post in relationships.

Thanks all!

[teaandbiscuitsforme]

I agree about posting in relationships.

But on a practical level, is your DD in nursery during the holidays or is she term time only? If she's in nursery when you're at home, you need to batch cook and stock up as many freezers as you can with meals, soups, healthy snacks etc.

Also, get a cleaner. If you're both working, I'd really try to find the money for at least a few hours a week. Then you should just need to keep on top of washing (not easy I know!!) and do a light clean.

I'm a teacher and my husband works away but I was lucky enough to be able to go part time. Teaching full time and being a mum is tough!

[bakingaddict]

It's your DH that's the problem. Sounds like you need some marriage guidance counselling. At this point don't think of going part-time as you will want maximal earning potential should you split. I woul discuss with him about doing more and moving closer to your parents and if he's not happy with that then suggest to him splitting up is the only way forward if he can't find solutions to your predicament. Your doing everything now so what's the difference

[Rockandrollwithit]

DH definitely needs to do more. I am a full time teacher with a 2 year old and another one on the way. DH and I share childcare pick ups so three days a week I have the option of staying late to finish work, meaning I get a bit of relaxing time at home once DS has gone to bed.

We also share housework, cooking and cleaning. It would not be possible otherwise. If I'm having a particularly stressful period at work, he'll step up and take over more things at home and I do the same for him.

And I also think there's nothing wrong with a bit of TV babysitting every now and again. It sounds like you are holding yourself to very high standards OP and that's part of the reason you are feeling this way.