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Classic mother in law quotes...What's yours?!

(616 Posts)
manuka Sun 11-Mar-07 16:06:59

Mine has just said this beauty - [with reference to 8month old dd who had woken from nap and was grizzling, clearly not going to go back to sleep] "Why don't you just leave her until she's screaming her head off?" !!! I thought that was a real corker and had to share that with you all!!!
She had in fact pooed herself and got stuck in a crazy position in her cot so on reflection I'm glad I didn't follow mil's advice.

littlefrenchonion Wed 13-May-15 10:38:04

DH (then DP) and I saying goodbye to PIL at the airport as we were about to go backpacking to India for 3 months:

MIL: "Ohh! Look at all the paki's going on their holidays!"

At Christmas, after handing me two advent calendars, one cheap and cheerful, the other quite lavish:

"This one (the lavish one) is not for you, it's for my boy, ok? You aren't to eat it!"

About 8 years ago on being introduced to MIL and co: "You need to know, if you fall pregnant, you are to tell us immediately, you won't be having an abortion, you'll be giving the baby to us". My face must have been a picture!

The phrase that currently sends me into a silent seething rage is: "Where's my baby? Let me hold my baby!" (DD is 12 days old).

Oh I really can't stand her.

LemonLovely Mon 02-Jun-14 20:25:46


LadyBoleyn Thu 29-Aug-13 03:05:18

My DH has got her checked out for any mental illness or cancers but she is all clean so she is just a nasty bitter twisted old BITCH!!!!

LadyBoleyn Thu 29-Aug-13 03:00:37

Hay guys sorry is might be long as my MIL is a nightmare....ok my DH and I have been married for two years and his mother was fine with me until dec 2012 Mil and Fil had used some of there air points to send me and DH on a small holiday it was very thoughtful of them as they could have used the points for themselves so we went on the trip and we where delighted to discover i was pregnant again ( i had lost our daughter at six month invetro two years before we married) and I started to think something was up with my MIL as she would ring every hour on the hour to ask what we where doing "have you been to the beach?" "Have you tried that restaurant?" It was intrusive but I let it go I think she was just trying to make sure we were having a good time we stayed there for four days and when we got back all hell broke loose in my personal life I had to go out of town for four days for work and when I got back my father told me that my sister (18 yrs old)was in the ICU in hospital and the doctors had just told him to start the arrangement for her funeral my partners where devastated! so I when to stay with them for a week and a half mind you it was getting close to Christmas so I ran my mothers house for her as she did not leave my sisters side until she pulled thought thanks to god! Now three days before Christmas DH told me that my MIL expected "personal" gifts so I went out and brought (from the both of us) my FIL a few books that he wanted $150.00 and my MIL $200.00 worth of cooking oils so Christmas Day comes around and I started to bleed I was having another miscarriage I was crushed mum helped a lot hugs and what not so I made it thought the day but when we got to my inlaws house my MIL corned me demanding why I not called her or written to her to thank her for the holiday? I said that I had been very busy with my life and my business but we both enjoyed the holiday very much she just would not shut up about how much I had disappointed her she even got her bitchy daughters to add there two cents worth when my DH stated "can you leave LadyBoleyn alone we have just lost another baby for gods sake!" She states "oh my god! I'm so sorry for you MY son this bitch is murdering your children!" " turns to me "put a fuc*king sock in your crying you murderer!" She then turned back to DH "I'm the only one who can give you kids!" I was shocked as her daughter started to laugh and point at me! That was the Christmas from hell a few months after that she called my DH to see if he was still alive for fear I had killed him "like the b*tch had done to YOUR babies!" She had called the police and everything stating that I had killed his children and was scared for his life the police can around to our house demanding to know where the bodies where I had to call my doctor (thank god she is a kind lady) to tell them what ACTUALLY happened the police then sent me a gift basket to say sorry! Lol sorry that took so long! Wow that feels better! Oh and they didn't think the gifts I gave them where "personal " enough and what did they get me? A pair of socks from the dollar store! Lol there are so much more but I think I might run out of room soon lol

superbabysmummy Fri 23-Aug-13 23:51:25

This is a corker, haven't read all messages on thread but of the ones I have, I know some of you will relate!

Not MIL but an Aunt talking about my now 25yo cousin... "Completely potty trained by 5 months".

She was aghast that 9.5 month old DD still needed a nappy change - WTF!

lotsofcheese Fri 23-Aug-13 21:50:55

My MIL is a real gem. Here's a few of her classics:

"Women with young children work for foreign holidays & fancy cars". Yeah right, I drive a clapped-out piece of shit which we can't afford to replace. Even with me working confused

"Pre-prepared vegetables are wrong. It doesn't take a minute to peel & chop a carrot". Fuck off!

"You are pathetic, just pathetic" to my unwell 2 year old. Bitch.

slenderman Fri 23-Aug-13 21:47:55

dh said he wished he had a dog to take out for a walk, mil said 'you can take slenderman'

when i said i was tired, told me i didn't know the meaning of the word.

Notsoyummymummy1 Fri 23-Aug-13 21:43:19

After we announced my pregnancy to MIL she said "but I thought you were saving for a kitchen?!" Literally that was the first thing she said!

Soundofraindrops84 Thu 22-Aug-13 22:11:19

Dp, mil, mil husband, dps grandmother and great aunt and I out for a meal and had 10 week old ds with us. I was having dessert and mil turns round and says "go and stick his dummy in the cream and put it in his mouth and see what his face goes like"
She repeated twice after dp and I both ignored the comment!

I was mortified as you'd expect shock angry

happydaze77 Thu 22-Aug-13 21:28:28

crabbiepattie what is it about MILs and wanting us to bottle feed? Jealousy perhaps? They want to get their mits on our babies!

Pixielady83 Thu 22-Aug-13 19:21:59

Some of these are hysterical and some are downright awful!

My MIL has improved but some classics include:

upon the birth of a (much longed for) DD: 'oh well maybe you'll have a boy next time'. Said TWICE in the first week!

She once tried to correct me on what month DD was born.

After we resorted to ff after a terrible fortnight of trying and failing to establish bf and DD losing a scary amount of weight: 'well that's not going to help matters is it'

The worst was when DF now DH waiting for the offer to be accepted on our house 'I don't know what you're worried about, it's not your money is it'.


exoticfruits Thu 22-Aug-13 19:05:56

I find it very odd that it is only the mother's of boys who have peculiar sayings. Why are mothers of girls immune? My mother has just as funny quotes as my MIL- most would.

Jammee Thu 22-Aug-13 18:49:11

I did not realise this thread existed! This is made for me. I truly dislike my MiL.

I was holding by 7m/o DD when she arrived at our house. Without saying hello to me she stretched out her arms to grab my DD and said emphatically, "Come to Mummy."
I shot her a filthy look and made sure not to let go of my DD.

crabbiepattie Thu 22-Aug-13 18:36:26

Said to MIL on the phone whilst still in hospital after having DTGs that the midwife had advised me to put the girls on a bottle beause of my inverted nipples and numerous attempts at latching on failing...

"Oh good!"

SarahLou78 Wed 21-Aug-13 19:54:13

Brilliant - I thought I was the only one with a mother in law like that!

Mine constantly mocks my decision not to feed ds sugary crap until he is bigger and knows what he's missing out on (he is 11 and a half months).

I could post 100s of comments but will stick with the latest one. During a visit to their house with a very active, full on ds she said to me "you SHOULD be really slim chasing him round all day like that". Im only a size 12!

justanuthermanicmumsday Tue 20-Aug-13 22:27:52

When I lose my rag and raise my voice with the kids or husband mil says " should a lady speak like this? She should have a soft gentle voice" . That really makes me mad so I shout louder up the stairs and methinks she needs to take the plane home and live with like minded idiots.

baggyb Tue 20-Aug-13 22:17:23

When we told my MIL that we've been referred to the assisted conception unit and the "when are you making me a grandma" comments had to stop she replied "Ooh, that means we can put a cot in the spare room", no, actually, for the moment it means the exact opposite...

DIddled Tue 20-Aug-13 22:09:14

From my mother in law (May God rest her Soul) on meeting me for the first time- 'ooh you have lovely teeth-are they your own'?

It could only get better from then. It did, and I loved her to bits!!!

perplexedpirate Tue 20-Aug-13 22:03:21

On my wedding day: 'Why are you worried about a career?! You're married with a baby now!'.

shil0846 Tue 20-Aug-13 21:51:58

I love this thread; it has helped put my MIL into perspective. Recent quotes:

"You keep taking him away from me". When DS was 6 weeks old and needed BFing.

"I gave my 2 Calpole all the time. You should give it to him [DS aged 8 months and sitting playing happily on his mat] just in case." Just in case of what???

Holding DS out to me and saying in snooty disgusted tone: "This child is smelly". Well go and change him then and give me a break!!!

On being told we had bought a stair-gate for our top floor flat: "I didn't need a stair-gate, I taught my 2 to go up and down stairs when they were 6 months old". Yeah right!

Out of no-where, patting my arm and saying "don't worry, you'll lose it [the baby weight]".

On me saying DS wouldn't eat his lunch: "He always eats his food when Grandma feeds him". She's only bothered to feed him once and that was yogurt which he always eats.

CalamityJ Tue 09-Jul-13 20:21:01

My MIL is thoughtless rather than mean but whenever she comes round she criticises something about the house. Lawn needs cutting - well yes but we have a 3 month old, DH is looking for a new job and we're a bit busy really. She says "right, let's get the lawn mower out then". I tell her I've never mown a lawn in my life and I'm not about to start today when I'm in the middle of BFing my DD! She says "nor have I but it can't be that hard" (she's a size 8 and in her 70s!) She then phoned her gardener to make him come round and do it for us. Which she paid for to be fair (although we didn't know this till we went to pay at the end). Today she criticised the hanging basket she's done for us muttering under her breath that she hopes that'll rescue it (rooted around in our bin for a plastic bottle when there's a watering can outside the back door...) I specifically watered it yesterday so she wouldn't criticise it!!!!! She insists I should top up with formula before bed to get her to sleep through every night instead of most nights (why?? I can cope with 1 night feed in 7 nights!) She bought 3-6 month clothes even though when she asked I said 6-9 as we already have loads. I know I should be grateful but why ask?? I know none of mine are as bad as some on this thread but no one likes to be criticised or ignored and that's what she does a great job of. She's also incredibly racist which does my nut in (DM reader of course!). She patted my tummy the other day and said "it's nearly gone hasn't it?" Which might sound nice but DON'T TOUCH MY TUMMY! I didn't like her doing it when I was pregnant but I sort of picked my battles and left it. She baby sat DD and instead of keeping her in her room to comfort her when she woke up she brought her down stairs with all the lights on and the TV blaring! Bless my DD she was falling asleep with a bottle (of EBM despite MIL's best efforts) in her mouth in front of the TV! And the final one "don't worry about me I'll make myself a cuppa". Yep, just herself while I BFd DD. So glad I don't have anyone else on this thread's MIL but I think they are a special breed of insensitivity!

Giraffinalaugh Tue 09-Jul-13 11:59:48

Happyfirsttimemummy do we have the same mil? Golden ones from mine...

When we told her i was pregnant (she already has 6 gc) "oh no.. well its early days.. something might still happen" "you're not really maternal are you"

"He doesnt have tounge tie you're holding the bottle wrong"

She also txt my dh saying that she thought i wad deliberately leaving ds in a hot room (21º) anf that our ds was precious and needs proper care.

As if!!

Xihha Mon 08-Jul-13 18:22:11

my mil comes out with some great ones, my favourite 2 lately are:

having heard I'd asked my mum for some advice about dd starting primary school in September 'Oh I wouldn't listen to your mother's advice, she's got absolutely no experience with children' (I'm one of 8 kids and mum has worked with primary school age children all her adult life)

having come round half way through lunch 'oh i see you haven't washed up yet' (id only stopped eating to open the door!)

Mockingcurl Fri 05-Jul-13 22:48:47

My mil when my third son was one day old " oh but you've got to have another one and get it right next time. I like girls, they're very special".

honeytea Fri 05-Jul-13 22:40:29

My mother is also bonkers, she says I must praise ds every time he poos as it is the only thing he creates at the moment and we should help him feel proud of his poos.

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