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Feeling lonely and disconnected! Mum of three year old.

(7 Posts)
Cherryblossom36 Fri 21-Apr-17 23:59:28

Hello,
I'm Mum to my almost three year old toddler. I work three days a week and on the other days we do lots of nice things such as going to art groups or toddler groups. I can't work out whether I am putting pressure on myself to make sure that my toddler has friends to play with every day. When I go to these groups I feel scared that I come across as lonely and needy (which I probably am to some extent) so I think I probably come over as aloof and unfriendly. I really don't feel like I really connect with people anymore. My husband and I joined an NCT group but three years down the line I don't really feel part of that even though some of the other people still meet up. I feel like when they meet up and don't invite me again quite lonely. Is this normal? Before I had my Tadler I had loads of friends! Be lovely to hear your stories. Thank you xx

TippetyTapWriter Sat 22-Apr-17 11:39:39

Just wanted to say you're not alone! I'm full time mum to a two year old and it's the loneliest I've ever been. I'm very shy and not generally great at making friends but at least when I was working full time I was around people all day. I've been going to baby and toddler groups for nearly two years and still not made a single mum friend other than a few people I say hello to! I tend to blame myself but I do think it's an unnatural situation really to expect to make friends with people just because they've had kids at the same time, and it's hard to talk properly while supervising and running after a toddler. Not sure what the answer is just wanted to say I think lots of people feel the same way! I've recently got the app Mush. It's nerve-wracking to use but I'm going to give it a go and see how it goes... !

imsodizzy Sat 22-Apr-17 11:44:18

I'm shy and struggle in social situations, I push myself because I don't want my dc to suffer but I feel lonely too so you're not alone. Theres a good app called mummy social, people in your area can post meet ups where anyone is free to attend, I prefer it to Mush but they're both good apps.

CaipirinhasAllRound Sat 22-Apr-17 19:17:30

I think you just have to bite the bullet and ask someone for their number and then arrange a play date or coffee. Some of these relationships fizzle out as you realise you aren't going to be friends but you might make some good friends this way.

purpleme12 Sun 23-Apr-17 00:12:38

It's really hard. I feel like the only life i have now is things my little girl likes to do, she's 3 and i don't have a life after that so don't feel there's much to me anymore. How sad. I don't feel important as a person anymore. So that doesn't help. Personally i haven't even found a lot of people I've met who are open to meeting up. And i think this contributed to making me feel crap as i didn't think it would be this way.

ExplodedCloud Sun 23-Apr-17 00:20:40

I volunteered to help at a community toddler group. They bit my hand off! It really helped my anxiety to turn up early to help and have a reason to chat to new people or people who looked awkward.
I have Aspegers (HF ASD) which makes me awfully anxious in social environments.

alittlehelp Sun 23-Apr-17 21:15:55

I am in a similar position. I take my 2 year old to groups etc but although I force myself to be friendly and chat to people (am a natural introvert so it doesn't come easily) it never gets beyond that stage to actually becoming friends. I did feel rubbish about it for a while, but now I've stopped putting pressure on myself. The way I see it my toddler still gets the benefits of interacting with other kids at these things even if they haven't done much for my own social life! Is it worth reconnecting with the friends you had from your 'old life' before you had your child, if you're feeling a bit lonely? That's what I've done. I think lots of people feel like this really, you're not alone! x

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