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Did your toddler ever forgive you for having another baby?!

(31 Posts)
Heatherbell1978 Mon 17-Apr-17 21:51:59

DS is 2.5 and DD is 7 weeks. DS has coped really quite well with the arrival of his sister although lately he's started acting up when she cries (which is a lot...sigh) and asking for his dummy all the time etc; mainly attention seeking things. But as I'm bf and DD is really quite demanding, DH spends most time with DS. I spend as much time as I can with him and we've done a few mummy and son activities this weekend but he now asks for daddy all the time and not me. I had the 2 of them today and it was a horrendous day thanks to DD screaming constantly and I'm really worried DS is starting to hate me as I'm always on edge and although I know the advice is to go to the toddler first, it's not easy when DD is in such a state.
Does it get better?

NataliaOsipova Mon 17-Apr-17 21:54:46

It does. A lot. Fast forward 18 months and with a bit of luck the two of them will play together while you and your DH sit down with a nice drink. When they are old enough to interact and amuse each other it is much easier to have two than just the one. At least I think so!

BackforGood Mon 17-Apr-17 22:00:39

"Forgive you" sounds a really strange turn of phrase.
Maybe it's a combination of your hormones and your tiredness, but I just think that's a really odd thing to say.

It's natural that a toddler wants to test the boundaries a little and ensure they get some attention when there is suddenly a new little being on the scene - even more so if they are particularly demanding. However, they soon adjust, and will, in a very short time, have no memory of it ever being just the 3 of you.

AnyFucker Mon 17-Apr-17 22:03:20

Small children acquire siblings every day of the week. They get over it.

What a strange post. Forgiveness ? Blimey.

DimpleDumpling Mon 17-Apr-17 22:03:50

Hahaha, my cousins are 7 years apart and now 31 and 25, and the oldest still harps on like her younger sister was the worst thing that he opened in her life!

Twinkletowedelephant Mon 17-Apr-17 22:04:58

Dd refused to acknowledge her brothers (twins) they were collectively known as the mummy the brothers are crying.... For around 18 months

She's was 2.8 when they were born, wasn't remotely interested in them untill they could walk and talk. She then renamed them big man and wee man

8 years later she seems to have accepted them ;)

acornsandnuts Mon 17-Apr-17 22:08:21

Do you not have siblings? It seems a bizarre question as the world is full of brothers and sisters not seething at their parents.

Chattycat78 Mon 17-Apr-17 22:09:06

I get it OP. I have a 2 (and 3 months) year old ds and a 10 month old ds. 2 year old is daddy obsessed and has been since ds2 came along. TBH I've been starting to wonder if I'm doing something wrong with him. I guess I had to give a lot to the baby In the early days (feeding etc) so ds1 got really fed up and went to daddy and it's just continued. It's hard to know how to pull it back but I'm hoping it can be done!

Clinging onto hope of them playing together one day.....!!!

Sweetpotatoaddict Mon 17-Apr-17 22:10:07

It gets better quickly, my toddler adores his little sister (10 months) although they had their first fight over a wooden spoon today!
There are absolutely heart melting moments, like finding toddler on floor with her on his lap reading story ( not sure how he managed it).
It is tough in the early days, do what feels right and it will be the right thing flowers

Nottalotta Mon 17-Apr-17 22:11:58

I've got 21months and 8 weeks. Ds1 dies go to dad more, because although I did everything with him before, his dad has had to pull his finger out and do more now, such as getting him up and giving milk, breakfast etc. Bathtime.

I have found a really good routine helps, then me a toddler know what's what and I'm hoping toddler will come to learn that if I can get baby to sleep, he gets some mummy time. I go to a playgroup, which babu either sleeps through or other mums are always keen to have a cuddle so I get to play with ds1. I have baby in a bouncy chair so I can periodically bounce him with my foot while playing with toddler.

It is hard though, I am bf too and ds2 has reflux. His medication seems to be taking effect now which mean I can actually put him down. I had a few weeks of a clingy teething toddler and a sicky refluxy baby that I couldn't put down.

Ds1 loves ds2 though and doesn't seem to have connected his arrival with less attention from me. I think once baby is more interactive it will be even better.

Ellieboolou27 Mon 17-Apr-17 22:13:05

I'm assuming op used the word forgive in a jokey way, I think it's quite funny anyway smile
Op my now 4.5 yo is finally starting to accept her sibling, took 18 months though, there is light but it was loooooong tunnel for me and dd1.

AppleMagic Mon 17-Apr-17 22:18:12

My 5 year old cried today when I told her she wouldn't be allowed to marry her 3 year old brother when they grow up. She can't imagine living without him.

Lowdoorinthewal1 Mon 17-Apr-17 22:24:22

Do you not have siblings? It seems a bizarre question as the world is full of brothers and sisters not seething at their parents.

And I think the world is also dotted with siblings who never bonded and maybe some who blamed their parents.

I don't think my sister ever got over me arriving and she was 8 at the time. I think she blamed our mother too and their relationship never recovered fully.

I am only having one child.

purplehonesty Mon 17-Apr-17 22:45:43

Oh yes.
Ds was 3 when dd arrived

He loves her - he cried tonight because she wouldn't have a sleepover in his room. They are 7 and 4 now and altho they do sometimes fight they really are best friends.

frenchknitting Tue 18-Apr-17 09:49:13

Don't know why people are picking on the OPs wording. Clearly she meant that she is feeling guilty about the impact that her second child is having on the first's life, and is looking for some reassurance. It's not AIBU.

OP - my DC2 is a week younger, and DC1 just a bit older. I know exactly what you mean. It's hard to say "not now" for the hundredth time in a day because you are bf, to a child who is used to your undivided attention. I also feel like I'm constantly shouting "no, gentle", "don't squeeze his head!" Etc, when all he is doing is showing affection.

I'm trying to see the increased closeness between DC1 and DH as a positive thing. I'm also trying to make sure that the time I do get to concentrate on him is as "quality" as poss. And trying to stick to his routine. I think that's all that you can do - we just need to hope that their sibling relationship enhance their lives, and when breastfeeding gets less frequent things will get easier​... That's what I'm telling myself anyway.

Plus, some of the less sympathetic replies probably prove just how ridiculous our worries will seem a few months down the line.

Nectarines Tue 18-Apr-17 11:13:31

I've got the same age gap as you and I remember feeling the same way. I felt like I'd ruined my daughters life, I had no time to spend with her etc etc.

Now the baby is 14 months and the pair of them are the best of friends. They adore each other. It gets easier. The feelings will change. Don't worry!

Congratulations on your new arrival!

Heatherbell1978 Tue 18-Apr-17 16:44:29

Erm the title was meant as tongue in cheek (hence the ?!). I don't literally think my toddler will be looking for an apology, he's just not too happy right now with a screaming baby in the house!

hudyerwheesht Tue 18-Apr-17 17:03:08

Of course the title was tongue in cheek, don't know why people are picking on that?

Anyway, it will get easier, it's not a continuous improvement though - there will probably be times when they can't be together for more than 5 minutes but in general over time they will grow closer. It's an adjustment, that's all. For everyone else,too, not just the older sibling.

Even now, my DS who is 13 this year gets on really well (most of the time) with his 9 year old sister. I do remember the times when they fought a lot though and the guilt,etc that others have mentioned.
Hang in there!

Mamabear12 Tue 18-Apr-17 19:16:18

I think everyone is different, but in my case my kids play so well together and my DD doesn't really know life differently. Mine are 20 months apart and I was lucky not much jealousy when baby arrived, but on occasion my DD will say she is jealous (5 now). But they love and play together all the time. I am very happy with the age gap and I know they are too. I am sure if you ask any child if they want a sibling they would say yes. Mine both want another sibling. So I'm sure this will pass. Its hard in the beginning w a small gap.

EmpressOfTheSpartacusOceans Tue 18-Apr-17 19:25:22

I am sure if you ask any child if they want a sibling they would say yes.

No. I'm the oldest of three & would have been perfectly happy growing up as an only child.

Now, though, I wouldn't be without my siblings or my niece & nephew. My DSis & I are especially close. So even if they don't get on as children, things could improve later.

UndersecretaryofWhimsy Tue 18-Apr-17 19:31:17

I am sure if you ask any child if they want a sibling they would say yes.

No one appears to have given my DS this memo... he never switched off his 'No!' answer to 'Would you like a little brother or sister?' Unfortunately, I lost my pregnancy so he has been afforded a brief respite.

I get it OP. My son is very close to me and I fully expect a major bout of sulking if/when a DC2 arrives. I famously acted like a complete cow after the arrival of my younger sister. (Tbh, we did play together as kids but were never close and aren't now. I didn't hold it against my parents though.)

AJMcF Tue 18-Apr-17 19:36:48

OP, I have the same age gap as you. My DD's are now 3 & 1.

DD1 really struggled when DD2 was born. She would try to take DD2 off my chest when I was feeding. She would tell me she needed the loo as she knew I would feed baby and take her. She also lost her hair because of the stress of having a new sibling. Our GP said this is extreme, but having a sibling was just awful for her.

Now however, they are best friends. When we look at photos of just DD1, DH and I she asks 'where DD2 is'.
She honestly can't remember a time without her. DD2 is walking now and DD1 is her idol. She follows her everywhere. DD2 also whacked DD1 on the head with a remote control today. When I scolded DD2, DD1 scolded me and told me she is just a baby.

I think in years to come they will be thick as thieves and the moments when I catch them holding hands in the back of the car make my heart skip a beat

It honestly will get easier, but the first few months are hard on the little ones.

farfarawayfromhome Tue 18-Apr-17 19:38:03

I am sure if you ask any child if they want a sibling they would say yes

Not me! I'm an only child and always loved it. Never wanted a sibling. My DH loathes his brother and they haven't spoken for 20 years! We don't all hanker for siblings...

CheepAndOrm Tue 18-Apr-17 19:44:14

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

5moreminutes Tue 18-Apr-17 19:49:36

I know a lot of people hate the sling suggestion and not everyone gets on with them, but...

A sling was the answer for me. DS was born when DD had just turned 2, and as soon as I could walk after my c section he essentially took up residence in a Moby wrap, and I continued as far as possible with DD the same way as when Id been pregnant and just had her. She did play up while I breast fed (climbing mostly and shouting at me that she was being naughty in the hope I'd put him down and put her on the naughty step - in the end I had to ignore the naughty behaviour despite my heart racing as she kept off the back of the sofa, and praise the good including asking her to help by fetching things etc to give her chances to be good and be praised - that old chestnut but it works on 2 year olds).

Ds1 was in the sling for hours per day until he was big enough to sit on his own and was my most chilled baby, and he and DD were inseparable from when he started crawling until she turned 9 or so (when DD's interests changed gradually and ds2 was getting old enough to be a substitute playmate for ds1).

I think the key is all babies need is to be clean and warm enough and fed and safe whereas toddlers need focused attention - a sling or wrap helps you do both if you can get on with one.

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