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How to 'train' DH to do the night feeds...(5 Posts)
As my username suggests Im just about at the end of my tether and my energies and I need some creative suggestions about how to encourage DH into a more active and less passive role during the night time.
DS (7mths) is in his cot in his room and is generally a good sleeper but more recently with teething has been having a bit of a time with it at night. He's still BF first thing in the morning and last thing at night but bottle fed with formula otherwise, and is feeding well on solids too.
DH is currently snoring away and has been for most of the night. I've been up 4 times since midnight already and have slept no more than about an hour each time. Usually, DS will settle quite easily back down after a quick cuddle and a stroke and possibly a quick hunt for the dummy. Very rarely in the nighttime does he need a feed and even if he does go to the breast he dozes off very quickly afterwards, so I suspect it's more for comfort than actual nourishment. Sadly I find it much harder to get back to sleep after I have been woken up.
To give him his credit, DH does get up and deal with DS sometimes.....by attempting to settle him for about 5 seconds and then picking him up and bringing him through to me saying "he needs a feed" (when he doesn't). DS is then dumped into my arms and DH then gets back into bed and starts snoring again. DS then dozes off in my arms without a feed, leaving me sitting upright, babe in arms, wide awake with DH fast asleep next to me.
I then get up and put DS back into his cot and all is fine and then I try and get back into bed, only to find that not only has DH shifted over to take over the whole bed and there's about 2 inches left for me to get in, but he's got the raging fucking horn and is trying to paw and grope me. In the end I just got out of bed, and came down to the spare room to try and sleep.
I am so cross that he won't/can't be a bit more sensitive to my lack of sleep and the fact that I really can't do all these night "feeds" (awakenings) on my own. I work pretty much full time as well and need to be up by 5.30am each morning. I can't make up the sleep during the day. He works from home and once or twice a week works away from home and gets to sleep in a hotel for a night or two
I suppose I need to train him as nicely as possible as to what I need him to do in the nighttime so that we can all be functioning adults in the morning. This will probably involve:
- telling him not to wake me unless the child is ill when it's his turn to attend to an awakening
- telling him not to even think about pawing and groping me in the slightest when I've been up and have then come back to bed
- agreeing that for 1/2 pre-agreed nights a week when he's not away for work that I will be in the spare room and will not be woken unless DS is puking blood or something
- making sure that if DS really does need a feed there is a bottle of formula by his cot which DH ought to use instead of waking me up
Any other suggestions?
At 7 months your baby doesn't need night feeds. Could you work on a plan together to sort that instead? And define the way you will re-settle that builds positive sleep associations...Then neither of you had to get up!
As for the pawing and groping, I would tell him to fuck off and snack his hand away!! Gross
You go away to a hotel for two or three night running (just to sleep if you like, you can be around in the day if you prefer). He will HAVE to figure out how he is going to parent at night then! After that, you can have a sensible conversation about how you are going to handle it all.
Just tell him but make it really, really clear that you are too tired for sex and his current behaviour is why. If it was me I'd put the cot by his side of the bed and bugger off to the spare bedroom!
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