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DD frequently left out of playdates and parties(4 Posts)
Before I start I am not the kind of mum who thinks of my DD as God's gift. She has her faults, is quite shy and sometimes socially awkward but is also very caring, funny and a sweet little 7yr old.
She seems to have a good circle of friends in school, always seem excited to see each other, hugging and dancing around like 7 yr old girls do. The parents are also friendly, we're not best mates exactly but we chat regularly.
We often invite friends back for tea and a play, I arrange get togethers in parks or cinema and make sure all friends are accommodated in parties as hate to leave anyone out.
Problem is during the past 6 months not one other parent has returned the favour. She is left out of playdates, not invited to parties etc and to be honest it is getting me down as much as her.
I try my best to make her realise that other mums are busy working sometimes and parties are often restricted in numbers, but it is always her left out everytime and it's hard to keep explaining why X Y and Z are going home with her best mate that evening or went to the party on the weekend.
I'm at a loss what to do. I am breaking my heart for her and wonder if I'm doing the right thing by always trying to include her friends in our plans and making the effort. I can see it is knocking her confidence and it's only by being close to her sister and having activities outside of school that is keeping her cheery. She's a brave little cookie but has her limits!
Has anyone else been in this situation or can offer advice?
Ask the teacher if there are any problems in school between her and the other DCs. If there are, ask the school to lead games or have a circle time on friendship.
If there aren't any issues, then pull back on playdates with schoolmates and focus on building friendships with children outwith school.
The other school parents may be friends and manipulating the DCs' friendships.
I would also try to pick out a nice mother from the group (perhaps with the teacher's help). I would try to get to know the mother a little bit, and if she seemed friendly I would explain what is going on and ask her for help. Depending on the situation, it is possible that another parent could be very sympathetic and make a huge difference. Obviously, I would only do this if it felt right and not too awkward, but your daughter is still young enough that it makes sense for parents to be very involved.
It's possible that the other parents are cliquey and exclusive, but it is also possible that they are just a little thoughtless.
I think that the issue you are experiencing might be the compression of party numbers. I would say that dd is probably in everyone's top 6-8 list of friends, which when there are 15 girls makes her fairly popular. Unfortunately most families seem in her class to say 'pick your 5 best friends to go bowling/ the cinema/ swimming/ have a sleepover etc.' and I can totally see that small parties are lovely, but that doesn't help dd who never quite makes the cut. I just keep on entertaining for her sake. I watch her at school and I see that she does have friends. I encourage friendships beyond school and hand out invites through forced smiles to her friends each year.
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