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Argh! Help me deal with 4yr old ds being horrid

(11 Posts)
ChampagneTastes Thu 13-Apr-17 08:14:08

He really is and I just don't know what to do about it. An example from this morning. We get up quite happily, chat about what to gave for breakfast then I say "I'm off to the loo, have a think about what you want and tell me when I come back". He follows me and says he wants to talk to me. I say "that's fine but just wait until I've finished". He stomps upstairs saying "Idon-t want to talk to you any more".

He came back a few minutes later saying he was going to turn the radio off and when asked why he said because it would upset me. I asked why he wanted to upset me abd he said because I didn't make him breakfast! He's stomped off again now.

This is just one example but the pattern is that something doesn't go EXACTLY the way he wants; he becomes furious with us; he does things to hurt/upset us. He can be set off by things that HE has done which he then blames us for.

We are very gentle, non-shouty parents and would like to stay that way but this us becoming unbearable. We had to leave my parents house yesterday because of his behaviour.

ChampagneTastes Thu 13-Apr-17 08:17:12

Apologies for dodgy typing, on my phone.

UPDATE he has just come back down and said "Mummy I'm hungry". I asked if there was anything he wanted to say to me and he ran back upstairs. <sigh> I was really looking forward to this holiday.

RhinestoneCowgirl Thu 13-Apr-17 08:22:33

My lovely mild gentle DS became suddenly horrible around the age of four. It was a trying time!

The only thing you can do is plug away being consistent, don't get sucked into trying to jolly him out of it. Remain calm.

He's now nearly and generally lovely again (although we're getting glimpses of puberty related mood swings)

ChampagneTastes Thu 13-Apr-17 08:27:20

Well I'm glad it's not just me! I have taken to telling him clearly if he's behaving badly and then walking away in order to avoid feeding the beast. We generally talk about things but in this mood he just won't - everything is my fault and he's "bored of me".

Anditstartsagain Thu 13-Apr-17 09:03:59

I would give a time out or something like that for behaving this way. Hes being rude mean and disobidient. You dont need to shout or be harsh to keep control there is no way i would let my child stomp off when ive asked a question and deliberatly try to upset me.

ChampagneTastes Thu 13-Apr-17 12:58:17

I'm not a great believer in time outs. If he won't stay there it becomes a match of strength and if he does he's just stewing on the injustice of it all. He is told that what he is doing is unacceptable and there are consequences but at the moment only small things like no Paw Patrol.

Anditstartsagain Thu 13-Apr-17 17:13:42

Thats the point of the time out to show him you are in charge not him and he can stew all he likes he still isn't allowed to do it. If what your doing isnt working then step it up bigger consiquences and don't get into discussions about it. I'm all for gental parenting I dont shout hit name call punish but at the same time they know it's a two way street they need to treat me how they want me to treat them.

ChampagneTastes Thu 13-Apr-17 22:10:51

So when he gets up from time out and I put him back and he gets up and fights it.... what? I wrestle him to the ground? Teach him that I'm bigger and stronger? Not really feeling the higher moral ground there.

Today has been better in some ways. We've had sulks but he's responded to instructions ("if you try to hurt me I will have to put you in your bedroom") and although the sulks have lasted a long time, they've been cuddly and on my lap for the most part.

I think he's not very well (possibly hayfever?) as well as having an epic hormone burst. But it's still not quite right.

Allthebubbles Thu 13-Apr-17 22:21:45

I know this only relates to part of your post but I've come to the conclusion that giving choice at breakfast often doesn't work well. I think they can be too hungry and just need something and then maybe a choice.

MrsELM21 Thu 13-Apr-17 22:22:02

They don't call them the fucky fours for nothing! They are hard work!

Anditstartsagain Fri 14-Apr-17 16:50:17

No you stay calm put him back again and again without losing your cool without getting angry without pushing or grabbing, if they scream let them it might take a while but they will understand eventually not that you are bigger and stronger but you are in charge and they need to listen to you.

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