2 year old not listening

[bigredboat]

I was pulled to one side by dd's key worker at nursery today to be told they've noticed she's not listening to them a lot of the time, saying 'no' a lot and not doing as she's asked. She lost her garden time as a consequence today and they were letting me know they're trying to nip it in the bud and will be a bit firmer with her.

I feel like the subtext of the conversation was 'we need to be firmer at home' which on reflection wouldn't be a bad idea, I think we have been a bit soft.

I do try and do natural consequences e.g. 'Be gentle with that toy or I'll take it away' or 'if you won't get in your car seat we can't go to x's house'. She does listen sometimes it's just when she doesn't want to do something it's a battle to get her to do it ifyswim, what strategies does everyone else use?

[highinthesky]

She's just being a normal 2yo and asserting her will.

Your job is to help her associate cause and effect. If there is no negotiation, and no backing down she'll soon realise that mummy means business.

Give her limited choices where you can though. As in "we're going for a walk, would you like to wear your red shoes or blue ones?". Or "we're going to visit nanny in the care, would you like to sing X or Y on the way?".

The walk / journey is the fixed element of the discussion, the shoes / song is the choice.

[StewieGMum]

A nursery using garden time as a punishment for a 2 year old who isn't listening is utterly ridiculous. If she were 12 maybe but a 2 year old will not understand why she's being punished like this. I'd be looking at a new nursery - one that has a passing acquaintance with child development

[bigredboat]

highinthesky I have done that to a certain extent, I will try and be a bit more consistent with it. She is quite switched on and knows when I'm trying a tactic to get her to do something she doesn't want as she says 'stop talking mummy!'

[bigredboat]

*stewiegmum I don't think they left her staring out the window at all the kids who did go out, she went to the baby room to play. She only moved up to the toddler room at the end of January so I think she's still getting used to the different expectations. I am generally happy with the nursery though.

[highinthesky]

'stop talking mummy!'

Its when they say "no more mummy" that you reach for the

[chloechloe]

The way your post was written it sounded like she was being punished at nursery which I would not be happy about at that age.

I find with my DD who has just turned 2 that she wants to assert her will more if I insist too much. So if she refuses to do something (eg put her shoes on), rather than keep telling her, I get on with something else or pretend I don't care, at which point she often does what I've asked. It's as if she has to feel it's her decision to do something. Or else I say "do you want to put your shoes on yourself or do you want me to help you?"

If we need to do something she won't be too happy about (e.g. Leave the park) then I try to give her some prior warning and an incentive ("let's have one more go on the slide then we get the buggy and go home to daddy").

I also give her choices where possible - e.g. 2 different shoes / coats / breakfasts to choose from.

[BertieBotts]

Consequences if they must be used for a 2yo need to be immediate. Losing garden time is completely pointless, especially if they just put her in another room at the time!

I think this nursery sound very strange and like they have very high expectations of very little children. 2yos are seriously not expected to be able to follow directions. You guide them into what you want and prevent anything you don't. End of.

[Atenco]

Another one who doesn't see the sense in removing garden time from a toddler's day as a punishment.