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Partner and i mixing our children(6 Posts)
I've been with my partner over a year now. I am divorced with 2 dc (8 and 10) and he's been spilt with his ds's mum for 4 years (they aren't divorced yet.) His ds is 6.
He has his ds every other weekend as he lives an hours drive away with her mum. My dc go to their dads every other weekend but we have opposite weekends when we have our children. We were hoping to arrange it to swap weekends over so dp and I get a weekend with all the kids together and a weekend we can spend together but haven't done this yet.
Things are going very well in our relationship and we are both happy.
My worry is the kids because my dc are what I would call old 8 and 10 year olds (if that makes sense) and into their computers and games like that etc and quite independent whereas his ds is what I would call a young 6 year old. He is an adorable little boy but seems miles younger when you compare them all.
We haven't had the kids together since Christmas. Yesterday we all went out for the day which was lovely, all the kids got on and played well together. My dp and his ds stayed at mine overnight and it all went really well. Then this morning my dc were playing on their computers in the dining room (I was in the lounge) and my dp came in and in said he was going to go home with his ds. I asked if something was wrong and he said he went into the dining room and his ds was sat watching my ds play his computer and looked bored. He then went on to say he remembers when he was little and he was "shoved" round his grandmas by his mum and he was bored watching other people "do stuff."
I feel quite worried about this now. The kids all played and interacted yesterday on the day out so today my dc were just having a little downtime with their computer games. It wasn't going to be all day. His ds doesn't play computer games at his mums and doesn't really know how to play them.
How do I deal with this? I'm worried now if we swap over weekends i'm going to be paranoid about my dc going on their computer games.
Maybe it's because it's not his son's home and he doesn't have his own stuff there? That's what I would take from your boyfriend's experience. It's always awkward to make yourself at home in someone else's house if they're just chilling. It's really something you need your own stuff for.
My good friends have two sets of kids; one set are 12 and 10 and the other set are 5/6. They have one weekend with all and one weekend with none (and a mixture in the week) and it works really well. The bigs have really taken the littlies under their wings and they do lots of things together. They also sometimes do separate things. I wouldn't worry about their ages at all.
What would the 6yo have been doing if he'd been at home. If Lego or something, could you make sure there's some at your house the next time?
Did he bring his own stuff with him? If not could 8 yo lend him some of his toys? It may encourage them to play together or not and the dss will play with his dad or by himself. Either is fine.
Your BF needs to plan for situations like this one.
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