A Request For Help

[user1491574165]

Dear All,

I write as someone extremely fond of a person who was abandoned by her husband some 4 years ago, when her little girls were 2 and 4 (now 5 and 7). He said he could not cope with her any more.

By way of introduction, my name is Andrew, I am 55 years old, I do not have my own children, and am desperate to try to help this person.

A series of events occurred more recently which led to her moving back in with her parents, for the sake of her mental health. Despite this, she is pressured by them, and finds it hard. She appears to have become their housekeeper, as well as having to look after the girls and maintain her own health.

The father sees the grlz at his convenience.

She speaks of not being able to look after her girls adequately, that she struggles daily, and feels under pressure. At a recent family get together, she felt bad about the - seemingly effortless - way that one sister managed her child, and beats herself up for not being able to afford extra's for her children. This led to a meltdown, and she went AWOL for a day.

I sense that she feels she is both a bad parent, despite all evidence to the contrary manifested by the grlz,. She has spoken of having to contemplate giving them up into social care, as she feels unable to cope, says she occasionally snaps at them and struggles on a daily basis.

I try to reassure her by saying that most parents go through times when they wish they didn't have their children, that it IS a struggle, and that what she feels is not unnatural at all, nor is what she claims to be bad parenting that unusual. She is trying to do so much on her own, due to her circumstances.

However, as I don't have children of my own, but would run through a brick wall for her, my words are not seen as being totally impartial, especially as I am very fond of her grlz too, and, in view of my circs, I do not speak from an informed pov.

Readers, please can you help me? If what I have told her is rubbish, put me right. If some of it has resonance with you, please tell me, so I can pass this on.

Any and all thoughts or contributions on this would be very, very gratefully received.

Thank you.

A.

[Trb17]

I didn't want to read and run and I have no real advice to offer, but perhaps she needs to speak to her GP as she's obviously so under enormous pressure and needs more support.

[mimiholls]

It is of course normal to struggle but it sounds like things are really on top of her. I would second if she can see her gp or health visitor, it sounds like she could be depressed? She obviously desperately needs some more support too- is there anyone who can help her more with the kids? It sounds like she would be better off out of her parents if they are an added burden.