Yes or no?

[user1491403410]

So my ex has our kids every other weekend. Though he still lives with his mum and dad and they pretty much do everything for my kids on those weekends. It's also 120 miles away so my kids travel this every other weekend.

He maybe rings twice a week and asks how they are. I feel this is because he feels he has to to 'be a dad' not because he wants too.

Maintenance wise I have to say he probably does give me slightly more than he should do. Though I have to remind him every time it's due. It's always a few days to a week late.


He has text me this morning with 3 dates over summer he cannot have the kids as his playing football. Do I kick off about this? Should I just let it go? I'm at a point where I just feel I should just let him do what he wants. He's extremely lazy and doesn't really have any 'umph' about him and I know if I argued with him he would just back down.

One of my children has special needs so I really do have a lot to deal with on my own. I wish he loved our kids like I do :-(

[ElspethFlashman]

How do they travel there? Cos I'd be inclined to just send them anyway as a grandparent weekend.

[user1491403410]

We meet at a service station half way. I could do this, I usually meet my ex father in law on a Friday anyway but I don't know if he would drop back off on the Sundays

[JaxingJump]

Don't let your opinion of him cloud your judgement of him as a father. And be careful not to let the kids know you think he just doesn't really love them.

But I would try to cooperate with him for their sake. Does he want to switch to some other weekends or some weekdays if he's off in the summer? He's used to not seeing them for 2 weeks at a time so is maybe fine with the longer gaps with him missing 3 weekends but that doesn't mean he doesn't love them.

[JaxingJump]

*it doesn't mean he does either! But it's not helpful to anyone to focus on that.

[TheCakes]

I'm pretty honest with my kids about their dad. I don't bitch but I state facts, so in your instance, I'd just tell them plans have changed because dad's playing football. It's up to you if you rearrange or let them have a grandparent weekend (I would, for the break). But if you are honest with them, they are realistic in their expectations of him.

[MycatsaPirate]

Has he offered to swap those dates for other ones?

It's fair enough that he has other things going on in his life, but he can shuffle stuff about surely?

I wouldn't kick off about it, I would ask him what dates he would now prefer to have the dc and perhaps have an entire week to make up for the missed weekends.

[debbs77]

I'd do it, I'm sure there would be times when you need to swap. He sounds much better than many

[user1491403410]

We cannot swop weekends - sorry should of made that clear. He works on the Saturday and plays football on the Sunday he doesn't have the kids so unfortunately swooping is not an option. There have been many times I've needed to swop but been told no :-( and just to clarify he won't be making the time up because his other commitments on the weekend he has free. So he would go a month without seeing them.

What pisses me off is that he's fine with that. When he's been given the dates of his matches he hasn't thought 'oh I can't do 3 of these because I have my kids'

He's thought 'can't have the kids those weekends' instead

[Gillian1980]

I would be honest about your disappointment but would avoid specifically saying yes or no - it should be his decision, not seeking your permission which then let's him off the hook.

Something like "it's pretty disappointing that you're prioritising footy above the dc, especially when you only see them every 2 weeks. But its your decision to make, not mine"

Can he take some annual leave from work at some point over the summer to have them then?

[Wishiwasmoiradingle2017]

Tell him you will have some extra cash those week ends so you can do something with the dc. ..... He will be saving from spending on them - this way they get a day out with you instead - on him!!