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Am I being a controlling parent?

(14 Posts)
user1491406448 Wed 05-Apr-17 16:54:48

My other half continues to say I'm a controlling parent and he is struggling to live with it. My little girl is 23 month, she is my first child.

One recent incident was regarding childcare....

I work part-time over a 2 week rota. Every other week I worK a long weekend Friday to Monday then the Thursday and Friday.

When I work on week days my lg is at Nursery which she loves then on the alternative weekends my partner (her dad) looks after her as he works Monday to Friday. It's been working pretty well and it's meant since I've started back to work he has had more one-on-one time with her.

I work 45 mins away from home so the commute is added on to my day. This means that I generally don't get home until 6.15pm and my lg wind down starts around 6pm with bedtime being 7pm.

Anyway... recently, my partner has had a couple of occasions when he's been invited away with the lads for weekends and some of them have fell on weekends I've been working. Although I haven't said "no you can't go" I am not comfortable leaving my lg all weekend even with grandparents while I work so far away and with partner being away also. Plus I don't think it's fair to put on grandparents just because he wants a jolly holiday with the lads. If it was on a weekend I was off work I would have any issue with it.

Do I sound petty and controlling? I just like to know where my lg is and who she's with. And I feel more settled at work knowing she's either in Nursery or with her daddy.

Any feedback welcome x x

Misspilly88 Wed 05-Apr-17 16:57:14

I don't think so. I definitely wouldn't leave my 2.5 yo with grandparents for whole weekends unless it was a one off. I'm sure plenty would but you're not alone. In my marriage, my husband would only go if I was not working (if we had the same set up) .

Ohyesiam Wed 05-Apr-17 17:06:46

Depends on of you trust your patents, and if they are up to it.
In my life that set up wouldn't work for me . I'd want a young child with either parent.

Gillian1980 Wed 05-Apr-17 19:18:20

No your not being unreasonable.

He can enjoy those things on weekends when you're not at work, it's not as though your stopping him.

He's a parent now and should prioritise that. We all miss out on stuff and sacrifice stuff for our kids, but do what we can when we can and appreciate it when that's possible.

Coconut0il Wed 05-Apr-17 21:17:13

Sounds like your being completely fair to me. He has to realise that if there's a clash between a social event and looking after your child you need to stay home!

waterrat Fri 07-Apr-17 19:06:49

I would think like you.

TheUpsideDown Fri 07-Apr-17 19:20:46

I don't find it controlling. Its just doung whats best for your DD.

I'd be the same as you. I couldn't trust either set of grandparents to look after my DS for that amount of time. Or any other member of family. If they have hkm for just a night I'm getting constant phonecalls and texts. There's been no young children on either side of our families for a good number of years before DS came along, so they're all out of practice and panic easily.

DS's welfare comes before weekends away with the lads/girls. My DH would agree too. I was recently invoted yo a weekend away to Barcelona for a birthday... I didn't go as DH had already been booked to work away.

Its not controlling, its just what yoj have to do when you have young kids

TheUpsideDown Fri 07-Apr-17 19:22:31

*doing
*him
*invited
*to
*you
(so many typo's, sorry!)

cornflakegirl Fri 07-Apr-17 19:23:24

Plenty of people do leave very small children with grandparents for a weekend. If he's happy and the grandparents are happy, why do you get the deciding vote? That does sound a little controlling.

willconcern Fri 07-Apr-17 19:27:01

Depends how often it happens I think, and how much you trust your parents. My DCs were strying with my parents for weekends by 2.5. In fact, we want to the US for 10 days when the eldest was 18 months.

I don'the jnderstand why on MN, there are so many people who won't leave their DCs with competant grandparents. Grand parents have usually brought up theor own children successfully after all. I think it is good for both child & grandparents to be able to develop a relationship independent of parents. In fact, I think it'should controlling not to enable this.

Booboostwo Fri 07-Apr-17 20:43:02

It depends on the DC. My DD at that age would have struggled with a few hours, never mind a whole weekend, my DS would be fine.

Also it would be OK as a one off. If a special event has come up and there are no other dates, it's nice of the grandparents to help. But if it is a regular event than your DH is offloading your DS!

Aquamarine1029 Sat 08-Apr-17 16:34:05

You're not being controlling. Your partner is acting like a spoilt brat. You two have a BABY now, and how does he think it's fair to dump the baby off at the grandparents so that HE can have a fun weekend?! He needs a swift kick in the ass. Children come first, end of story. Maybe he should have thought about that before he became a father.

DonPatch Mon 10-Apr-17 16:21:40

What are you uncomfortable with? If the grandparents are happy with it and if they agree, I don't see the problem. I assume your little one is happy when with them. If he was constantly out then maybe, but otherwise not and being 45 minutes away isn't a long time if you need to get back

2014newme Mon 10-Apr-17 16:23:38

How often are these weekends?

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