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15yo dd still sucks dummy!! I'm mortified

(46 Posts)
Cloudsarebright Wed 05-Apr-17 15:36:12

Have name changed for this as feel like a shit mum.

Basically she never really gave it up as when we tried to ween her off it at 6mo we were living with dm who refused to put up with dd's tantrums in the night and would sneakily give it back.

This carried on all throughout dd's childhood as we only stopped living with dm when dd was 9. I've always tried to take it but dd would just buy new ones if we took them.

When dd was around 11 I switched approach and would get really angry at her when she would suck her dummy. She actually managed to fool us she'd stopped around 12yo whilst she was would sneakily suck at night/alone.

She's a vv cool teen, goes out on the weekend, is in with the cool kids at school who all drink, some smoke etc and would never let any of her friends find out. I'm trying to convince her to stop but she says it's not worth it and isn't causing anyone any harm (she's miraculously avoided braces!) and has even got to the point where she snapped and told me to 'mind my own fucking business'!

Sorry for the long post, just wanted to explain. Looking for advice and reassurance that I'm not a shit mum (although reckon I am!). Any ideas on how I can get her to quit?

Bubblysqueak Wed 05-Apr-17 15:38:21

If her teeth are fine and no speech problems why does she need to stop ?

Soubriquet Wed 05-Apr-17 15:38:51

Eh leave her to it

She's 15 and old enough to decide if she wants a babies dummy or not

IHaveOtherNames Wed 05-Apr-17 15:38:57

Your 15 year old drinks, smokes, and basically tells you to fuck off. I think the dummy is the least of your worries tbh.

Cloudsarebright Wed 05-Apr-17 15:40:01

She doesn't drink or smoke! (As far as I know...) just in with that crowd

Crazyvaperlady Wed 05-Apr-17 15:44:31

If my 15yr old told me to "mind my own fucking business" I imagine I'd have the police phoned on me for slapping her face/rinsing her filthy mouth out with soap! With regards to the dummy, not much you can do and, as she's refused to give it up, it's clearly something she needs for a bit of comfort so I'd let it go. I'd definitely tackle the COMPLETE lack of respect though.

bearandwolf Wed 05-Apr-17 15:44:51

Fwiw I sucked my thumb until I was 17 and then I got a bf and magically stopped haha. Maybe this might happen to your dd. I was totally addicted to it and the comfort it brought me. Then I got a bf and decided it would be a bit too embarrassing to do that anymore and after a while I just stopped. I had years of braces as a result too, I think your dd is right. It's not causing any harm, just leave her to it.

Greenfingeredfun Wed 05-Apr-17 15:46:20

I smell bullshit

Itaintme Wed 05-Apr-17 15:51:07

As if you would wash a 15 year olds mouth out with soap.

I'd just ignore the dummy thing.

HecateAntaia Wed 05-Apr-17 15:52:04

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Persianprincess69 Wed 05-Apr-17 15:53:04

Mmmmmm it is a bit unusual to do it that old. Why does she need comfort.
And a mother of teenage girl, I think you may be naive think that she doesn't drink. They all want to fit in with the crowd! I would buy my daughter a bottle of Smirnoff ice n that would do her. Rather than her trying other peoples.
But she needs to stop dummy. Her teeth will be ruined

LovingLola Wed 05-Apr-17 15:53:58

I would take a photo of her with it in her mouth and post it on her social media accounts. That would teach her to tell me to mind my own fucking business. If I was you.

AnyFucker Wed 05-Apr-17 15:54:08

What is it with these threads today ?

LovingLola Wed 05-Apr-17 15:54:27

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

JustAnotherSilentOldNumber Wed 05-Apr-17 15:56:06

Adult Baby fetish.

Ohb0llocks Wed 05-Apr-17 15:58:20

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

happyhappycat Wed 05-Apr-17 15:59:25

I was the EXACT same as your DD! I've never spoken to anybody else who was like it. I had my dummy until I was 14 - was a very popular, happy teenager with loads of mates (none of them knew about the dummy) and no other issues. My DM and DF just simply never tried that hard to take it off me. No idea why. They did get on at me and ask when I'd give it up but there was never any 'You have to get rid of it' so i just didn't - it was a comfort thing. I was convinced i wouldn't be able to sleep without it.

I randomly woke up one day and just thought why the hell am I still using a dummy?? And threw them all in the bin. I remember it like yesterday - I expected it to be really hard without it, thought I wouldn't be able to sleep etc, but within a few days I'd pretty much forgot all about it and never went back. I did have to have braces though to sort my teeth out.

I agree with PP - maybe when she gets a boyfriend and starts stopping over at people's houses more often she'll get rid of it. You're definitely not a shit mum - I'd never think of my mum as shit and she never even tried to get me to give the dummy up!

Cloudsarebright Wed 05-Apr-17 16:00:11

Um no I'm not lying actually but will leave her to it as I agree there's not anything I can really do.
And as far as the swearing goes it was a one off and I had been having a go at her, she apologised straight after so I'm not too bothered by that actually.

MrsPacMan Wed 05-Apr-17 16:00:12


TheFirstMrsDV Wed 05-Apr-17 16:00:30

Will this one be investigated and no reason to believe the OP isn't on the level too? hmm

floraeasy Wed 05-Apr-17 16:03:11

Oral fixation.

Still stuck in the oral phase according to Freud (has he now been discredited? I don't know).

Boozing and cigs are part of the same deal, so at least it's not that.

Starman16 Wed 05-Apr-17 16:03:12

Fwiw I sucked my thumb until I was 17 and then I got a bf and magically stopped haha.

Happily married mother of one here who still sucks her thumb at night grinblush

UnmentionedElephantDildo Wed 05-Apr-17 16:03:23

Non problem though, isn't it.

It really doesn't matter whether or not someone sucks their thumb or a dummy. And only she can decide to give it up. Or not to, and take the consequences if her friends tease her.

People are way more likely to blame a parent for her swearing than they are for a seein a teen with a dummy. Loads doing it in public nit so long ago anyhow (I haven't seen one in a while though, so if it's becoming passé perhaps she'll choose to stop)

TooManyTrolls Wed 05-Apr-17 16:05:54

Umm ok. 🤔

PrivatePike Wed 05-Apr-17 16:06:42


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