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Pregnant with twins and boyfriend still will not help.

(16 Posts)
3babies1234 Wed 05-Apr-17 14:10:16

I'm 14 weeks pregnant with twins and we already have a 14 month old little boy.
My boyfriend is 21 years old (and i am 17, i know what is bad) and still wants to hang out with his friends every afteroon but at the same time he tells me he loves being a father and wants a big family.
He does spend time with our son and he is a good father but he only plays with him, he never feeds him, bathe him or puts him to bed, he tells me that is my job.
My boyfriend works 45-50 hours a week and i am unemployed so when he gets home, he mostly sits in front of the tv, hangs out with friends or plays video games, i have to do all the cooking, childcare and cleaning, i would not be so bothered by that because i understand he does work and pays all the bills but i just wish i could go out with friends maybe 1-2 a month at least or that he would look after our son for 30mins so i could just go to the shop or a walk by myself because my son has become so clingly i never get a second to myself, and if my boyfriend comes home and the house is messy he will spend all afternoon yelling at me, calling me lazy, bitch, etc.

I honesty don't know how i will handle a clingly toddler, two newborns and my boyfriend (even thou i do love him).
Sorry i just needing to vent, any advice would be nice too.

Floggingmolly Wed 05-Apr-17 14:13:44

You should be in school.

user1490817136 Wed 05-Apr-17 14:13:46

It's not okay for him to yell at you or call you names. Are you sure this is the man you wish to spend the rest of your life with?

waterrat Wed 05-Apr-17 16:44:25

OP you need to talk to someone in real life about this - before you have two newborns to look after and a toddler. IT will be insanely full on - and you will not be able to look after them all without proper support

WHat is your family set up - where are your parents?

Ca you takl to your midwife and say you are realy worried, they may be ale to get homestart help for you.

Is there any way you could go home to your family for the first few months when the babies are born?

HerOtherHalf Wed 05-Apr-17 16:49:49

You'd be far better off without him. The not helping out is one issue but the abuse when you don't do what he wants is far more concerning. Is this really what you wanted for yourself - to be treated as someone's domestic slave for the rest of your life and verbally abused as it takes his fancy?

coldcanary Wed 05-Apr-17 16:52:17

You definitely need some real life support. Talk to your midwife asap about your boyfriends attitude towards you and find out what there is for younger parents in your area for a start. Are your families supportive? If they are talk to them as well.
You need to do this well before the twins are born - 3 small children and an abusive partner will do nothing for your health flowersflowers

Stormtreader Wed 05-Apr-17 17:16:22

"He does spend time with our son and he is a good father but he only plays with him, he never feeds him, bathe him or puts him to bed, he tells me that is my job."

I play with my friends kids, that doesnt make me "a good mother". He leaves you doing everything and then shouts at you when the housework isnt done? I really dont see what he DOES do apart from make more work for you.

Toobloodytired Wed 05-Apr-17 20:34:56

Oh yeah, tell OP AFTER she's had a baby & is now pregnant with twins, that she should be in school hmm

She doesn't need advice about the past, she needs advice about the present.

Floggingmolly Wed 05-Apr-17 20:39:00

So what advice would you give to a soon to be 18 year old mother of 3, bloodytired?

Afreshstartplease Wed 05-Apr-17 20:41:46

Do you have any support from your parents op?
It sounds like you are going to need it.

GeekGoddess Wed 05-Apr-17 20:42:29

You get one life op. You don't have to spend it being belittled or yelled at by anyone. Whether you go it alone or give him the shock of his life so he knows he has to grow the hell up NOW, is up to you to judge. These years will be hard enough (but wonderful too) without him making it harder. Do NOT accept him calling you a a bitch or shouting you down, would you want that for a daughter of yours, who the fuck does he think he is? You are better than that and you don't have to put up with it.

Can you move back home for a little while when the babies come?

All the best op brewflowers

Heirhelp Wed 05-Apr-17 20:44:57

OP this sounds so difficult for you. (Flowers)

You do need to speak to someone in real life, perhaps your HV or midwife. If you don't know how to start the conversation then write it down and hand it over to them. Can you text or ring them and ask if they can see you at home or for another appointment?

TalkingofMichaelAngel0 Wed 05-Apr-17 20:46:50

He is not a good father. He is a disney dad. Good fathers are involved in all aspects of their child's life, not just the fun stuff.

Tell you mw what youve written here. Ask for help.

Owllady Wed 05-Apr-17 20:50:53

Where is your Mum? Xxx
You are the same age as my daughter and tbh you need a hug and some love

Cranb0rne Wed 05-Apr-17 21:00:18

I'm 37 and would have really struggled with my new born and toddler without my parents dropping by all the time. I couldn't imagine having new born twins and a toddler and doing it all on my own at the age of 17. If you have no other family nearby, your bf seriously needs to man up. Could you ask your midwife about getting help after the twins arrive?

Pansiesandredrosesandmarigolds Wed 05-Apr-17 21:02:45

Forgive me for saying this, but you do not have to have the twins. It is your body and your choice.

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