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starting to hate my 7 month old

(19 Posts)
downinthedumps91 Wed 05-Apr-17 09:30:24

Help! i have two kids who i love to pieces but my youngest who is 7 month old does not sleep well and all he ever does is whine and cry none stop can never get anything done and don't sleep much also i can not give my 3 year old the attention he wants/needs its starting to make me resent my baby i constantly get angry with him and i feel myself not wanting to be near him. i know this makes me a terrible mum and it makes me feel completely heartbroken but i just cant help it!! i have little too no help from family and my partner chooses to work all the time so he doesn't have to deal with it then moans at me when i'm stressed and angry. i have found myself close to walking out and feeling like i will never come back i don't know how to cope with it please any advice would be great

highinthesky Wed 05-Apr-17 09:36:47

You do not hate your baby, you are chronically tired. You're a mum with 2 young children, not superwoman.

Start by being honest with DP, as he will need to start helping you get the baby into a routine, esp at night. Also speak to your midwife to make sure there is nothing physically wrong with the baby.

Sylvannas Wed 05-Apr-17 09:38:01

I'm so sorry you are having such a crappy time. You aren't a bad mum, sleep deprivation is a former of torture in some cultures.
My DS has been teething his back molars since 3.5 months. Too early to be coming in and he's really struggling to sleep, crying all the time. Every time I feel myself getting too frustrated or even angry I just keep telling myself .." it's not his faukt" " he didn't ask to come into this world, your his mother" It helps me get back on track and realise what's important.

Were all just muddling through the best we can. It won't last forever xxx flowers

Blackbird82 Wed 05-Apr-17 09:40:21

You're struggling and it's completely understandable. You're at a really tough stage right now with a baby and toddler.

I agree you need more support from your partner, not made to feel worse!

fruityb Wed 05-Apr-17 09:51:14

As mum of a seven month old who does have a supportive OH and only the one child I just wanted to echo the above! My DS whines a lot and it's bloody wearing. He is currently in his bed shrieking the house down as he needs a nap but won't have one so is crying because he's tired but doesn't want to be in his bed having a sleep. He rolls round his cot onto his front and then cries because he can't get back (he's more than capable but won't in his cot). The noise can really be draining as there's nothing and no one to distract me half the time!

Then my OH says "he is still a baby" and I remember that I can't ask as much as I want from him as he doesn't know yet.

It's fucking hard work and it's bloody miserable at times. But the good times make up for it. He just pissed on me when I went in to change him and I couldn't help but laugh.

You need more support from your partner and he needs telling as much. My other half is great but i do need to nudge him every now and then. His current favourite is putting the lights on when we put DS to bed - when he's asleep already.

ODog Wed 05-Apr-17 20:15:53

It's tough. DS was like this. A good sling will change your life. Baby is cuddled and less whiny, you have both hands free to deal with toddler/do other stuff. Everyone wins. I have a 23m age gap and although my 2nd DC is a relatively easy baby, she has still spent a lot of time in a sling. She's nearly 11mo and was in a sling while I romped around after her brother at soft play today.

fruityb Fri 07-Apr-17 14:21:05

I don't know if I could manage DS in a sling while I'm getting on with stuff. He's huge! He's so tall, not particularly chunky but very long.

DaisyQueen Fri 07-Apr-17 14:28:37

You're exhausted and need to cut yourself some slack. My 2 have a similar age gap and I was in a very similar position with dd2 who cried and whinged non stop for pretty much the first year of her life she's 3 now and so much easier. You need to get some support from your partner. A great tip I found was when it was getting overwhelming was to put dd somewhere safe and take myself outside for 5 minutes. It gets easier x

mainlywingingit Fri 07-Apr-17 14:33:27

I found a few reverse lie ins where I literally went to bed at 7.30pm would sort me out.

Kids with tiredness is hell. Having sleeper really helps.

SleepWhatSleep1 Fri 07-Apr-17 14:48:41

Sling on your back - they don't get in your way, and if overtired it tends to send them to sleep especially if you keep moving

waterrat Fri 07-Apr-17 15:15:22

You are in the worst bit !! 4 months to 8 months killed me and then when they can crawl about and entertain themselves it gets much better.

Could you afford more help - does the 3 yr old go to nursery ?

fruityb Fri 07-Apr-17 15:18:48

I have a sling and he can go on my back I might give that a go!

ODog Fri 07-Apr-17 20:27:44

DS was 99.6th centile for height and i wore him on my front and back u till he was almost 2. You can definitely do it with the right sling. DD is also pretty tall and I do all sorts with her in a sling. Get to a sling library if yours isn't working for you. The right sling will honestly save your life.

Jemimapiddleduck Fri 07-Apr-17 20:37:19

Mine was no less fussy when in the sling - I used it all the time because he liked to be held but he was still a very grumpy/upset baby.

We also co-slept and bf on demand.

Just mentioning that because they are always thrown around as the answers to everything

SleepWhatSleep1 Fri 07-Apr-17 20:52:04

Oh agreed! Mine still whined and grumbled in slings, but at least they were next to me, and i could do stuff, and they often went to sleep! Also my 3 have all preferred different slings. Dd1 loved a woven wrap. Dd2 preferred being on my hip and was up and down lots so we mainly used a ring sling, and dc3 seems to prefer buckles or a mei tai - something with structure anyway. So often it's about finding the sling that works for both you and baby.

Wolfiefan Fri 07-Apr-17 20:58:16

You are not a terrible mum at all. You are exhausted and not being supported. Your partner needs to step up and give you some time off and allow you to spend quality time with your 3 year old.
If he's crying all the time have you spoken to GP or health visitor? Is he feeding ok? Nappies ok!

ShakingAndShocked Fri 07-Apr-17 22:00:03

Oh, bless you flowers

It can be very, very, very shit when LO can't settle and is constantly crying as it can be so bloody hard. And that's without built up chronic sleep deprivation too. Agree your OH needs to pull his finger out but that does mean you have to be deadly straight with him.

Also agree you should get LO seen by GP (ideally straight to a paediatrician if you can afford it or can force a referral on NHS given they are experts in babies in ways that GPs are sadly not IME) to exclude things ranging from Coeliac Disease if you've started weaning through to lactose intolerance.

I'd also gently suggest you talk to either your GP or you HV about the possibility of post partum depression? I suffered it (only once thank God) and can honestly say was one of hardest times of my life - I genuinely believed my baby hated me, that I was no good for them, that stuff was shit and would never change. I do now know (older and wiser!) that I was statistically more likely than the average first time Mum to get PND given I had a big Mum shaped hole where my Mum should have been, is that the case for you too or do you have good parental support? Also wondering what other RL support you have so you can work in 'breaks' (even just a couple of hours) where someone else watches the kids whilst you grab a kip.

flowers and wine for you, and very un-MN {{{hugs}}}

Ohyesiam Fri 07-Apr-17 22:11:53

That sounds do tough, my heart his out to youflowers
We took our very disgruntled baby daughter to a cranial osteopath, and it improved her sleep, and stopped her daytime fretting a lot too.
My sister took my nephew to a homeopath because she could not coffee with his incessant crying, again with good results. Really worth thinking outside the box with this one.

TanteJeanne Fri 07-Apr-17 22:11:55

Would you consider contacting Home Start to see if they can help? They might be able to offer you some regular practical and/ or emotional support.
It really is so difficult when you don't get enough sleep and your baby is challenging and your DP is disengaged. It doesn't last for ever.

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