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Am I really overreacting?

(15 Posts)
Sarahrellyboo1987 Wed 05-Apr-17 00:52:34

So today my daughter (nearly 6) came home from school and said a boy took her glasses from her and would only give them back if she him her privates. She said she tried to snatch the glasses back but there was a bit of a kerfuffle where she felt that he was going to pull down her tights. She didn't let him but that she was scared and knew it was wrong to do that.
I work in a school and I went in very level headed, explained my concerns and stated I wanted to place a safeguarding concern about what happened to my child to ensure that there is an appropriate action plan made and that I want to place another safeguarding concern about why a 5/6year old boy feels it's ok to manipulate people into exposing themselves and then why he then tried to pull her tights down.

I know that exploring bodies is somewhat natural but I feel that this very much crosses a line - in adult terms it is coercion, manipulation and attempted sexual assault!

The headmaster seemed to brush it of as if it happens everyday and just get over it! I wanted to talk to the boys mother (I'm not confrontational btw) and talk through my concerns. I was shocked that they felt a conversatuo between two adults was a terrible idea!!

Anyway, I've gone to the LADO as I don't feel my safeguarding concerns we're dealt with.

But, am I really being unreasonable to think that this behaviour isn't normal and should not be normalised?

mrsusername Wed 05-Apr-17 00:54:07

I'd have gone fucking nuclear your poor DD! If I'm honest my DH would have been visiting the boys parents in a fit of rage

toffeeboffin Wed 05-Apr-17 00:55:49

I'd be raging too.

RD82 Wed 05-Apr-17 09:04:36

You aren't overreacting, god I'd be so upset & totally livid.

Heirhelp Wed 05-Apr-17 10:01:43

I don't think it is appropriate for you to talk to the boy's mother. That would not be allowed at the school I teach at.

But you are right that this is a safeguarding concern. Is it an LEA school? I would be contacting to the LEA safeguarding time, the safeguarding chair of governors and SS.

mrsusername Wed 05-Apr-17 10:18:35

What the school allow is irrelevant now with their blase attitude to this awful incident - fucking disgraceful attitude tbh

Sarahrellyboo1987 Wed 05-Apr-17 11:45:02

It's an academy school.
we encourage parents to communicate with each other and feel that it creates a much better understanding of the situation.
I had no intention of being mean to the other parents - just a 'hey, by the way....' kind of conversation. I would hope that if parents had an issue with my child they would feel that they can come to me....after all, parents do have the right to talk to each irrespective of what the school says
The more I think about it the more mad I get! The LADO is currently investigating and has advised in place a formal complaint with the Academy's trust (which I already had done) and then a complaint with Ofsted as well.

Sarahrellyboo1987 Wed 05-Apr-17 11:46:45

The LADO is the county safeguarding specialist who deals with complaints about safeguarding parents/staff etc don't feel have been dealt with adequately or deals with concerns that the school are not experienced anough to deal with

Heirhelp Wed 05-Apr-17 15:58:56

In cases of suspected abuse the parents are NOT informed until contacted by SS so from a safeguarding point of view she I don't think you should be allowed to speak to the other parent.

CauliflowerSqueeze Wed 05-Apr-17 16:03:13

I don't think that you can say that on the one hand you feel it needs logging and intervention by a safeguarding officer and that in adult terms it is "attempted sexual assault" and on the other hand suggest that your conversation with the parent would be "Hey, by the way..."

I do think it needs flagging by the way but I don't think a conversation with the other parent is a good idea.

Sprungout Wed 05-Apr-17 16:18:54

I would also be raging. Glad someone is taking it seriously. Frankly, I would also be concerned about a head teacher who tried to shrug it off as "routine".
They don't have to deal with it all guns blazing- who knows what the other kid is dealing with to behave like this - however they do have to deal with it.

Sprungout Wed 05-Apr-17 16:22:00

By the way, your dd deserves praise for telling you.

It's great she was able to fight back but I absolutely don't judge anyone who can't fight back .

Sarahrellyboo1987 Wed 05-Apr-17 16:35:04

My comments in regards to sexual assault were intended more for the head than the in the head just thinking it's ok.
As someone who deals with safeguarding concerns I am more than aware that just because a safeguarding concern is raised does not mean that there is no communication until SS are involved. A safeguarding concern does not have to go to social services. A safeguarding concern can be dealt with in a variety of ways and can be for a variety of reasons.

CauliflowerSqueeze Thu 06-Apr-17 12:09:52

No I think you're misunderstanding me. I'm trying to say that, bearing in mind you are so upset, your planned "Hey by the way.." casual style conversation with the other parent is unlikely to go well.

Aquamarine1029 Fri 07-Apr-17 17:13:01

I hope you told your daughter how proud you are that she came to you and told you what was going on.

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