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I am a miserable cah to my dd atm

(5 Posts)
brillopants Fri 31-Mar-17 21:48:16

Looong sigh and sorry for myself post. But mainly sorry for dd.
She is very difficult , I am a lone parent and we have been through the ringer in terms of escaping domestic abuse.

I just feel I have reached my limit. She has unstable attachment, and is hyperactive most of the time. She's 5, but has regressed behaviourally despite being very bright and in the top band at school.
She needs to be in absolute control, minute things set her off like if I walk slightly too ahead of her, I have to go back and she makes me stand still and shouts at me, . I lie with her til she falls asleep at night but lately she's been insisting on putting her legs over me so she wakes up when I try to sneak out. She speaks to me unkindly and of course this is very triggering for me as her dad was v controlling.
I am so tired of repeating and repeating myself. I am not enjoying this and am sick of the sound of my voice. I'm tired of being ignored ( no don't have a biscuit it's bedtime- proceeds to take one) . Consequences aren't appropriate and her explosions are extreme. But have improved now I have stopped 'plan a' behaviour. ( taking stuff off her, sticker chart shit etc)

I try to use plan b from the explosive child book ( collaborative problem solving) and not sweat the small stuff.

I remind myself these are her survival skills and once she feels safe they will reduce. But it doesn't fucking help when I need to get stuff done. I feel I'm just going through the motions .

We used to have such fun together, and now it's such a grind. She won't go anywhere, or if we do she'll insist on going back. I just want to appreciate this precious time but I'm resenting it at the moment and am so sad about it.sadsorry so long.

WhyTheHeckMe Fri 31-Mar-17 22:34:25

I have no advice as ds is only 1 but I just wanted to say you sound like you're having a really bloody tough time and I hope somebody comes along that can help

Be kind to yourself, you sound like a lovely mum!

brillopants Sat 01-Apr-17 16:38:25

Thank you. It's been a tough week where I've felt like I've let her down.
The main priority is connection. Consistency. Fine when my tank is full. I'm empty and on last fumes atm.

ImperialBlether Sat 01-Apr-17 16:45:08

I don't think I'd be able to deal with this without professional help, tbh. You sound amazing and I know you want what's best for your daughter, but particularly when you're a single mum you have to be kind to yourself, too. Have you seen a GP about her?

brillopants Sat 01-Apr-17 18:47:41

Yes she's been referred several times to cahms but isn't deemed bad enough. She has help at school through a therapeutic classroom in the mornings. Gp and other agencies aware. Just need to top up my juice, remind myself of her triggers and breath before I speak.

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