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7 year old not invited to play dates

(11 Posts)
Sheehu Fri 31-Mar-17 20:27:29

Name changing.

My 7 year old has started at a new school last September and has only had one play date invite. We reciprocated by sending a follow up email which was warmly received initially but when I emailed again to firm up a date - the mum never replied back!

To provide further context: at the school gate other parents hardly talk to me and in fact blank me out. I think it may be because we are less well off than the other families (the ones working to pay school fees at a private school as opposed to those with trust funds). My DC also is a little quirky and so not the most popular in class.

Lack of play dates may possibly be a combination of all of the above. It does bother my DC at some level but doesn't mention it unless probed. Should I just leave it or try to arrange some more play dates at risk of being ignored? More specifically should I ask the mum who has not responded to my email or understand that she is not interested.

BackforGood Sat 01-Apr-17 01:07:48

As you are new, and it is your dd that is looking to make new friends, then you will obviously have to do more of the inviting in the first instance. Other dc will already have friends and there isn't as much incentive to go out of their way to start inviting someone new.
Ignore the odd folk who think there is some sort of 'turn taking contract' in having a child round to play - if your dd likes someone and wants to invite them, then invite them.

I also expect that the parents have not made a judgement about you or your income at all - that's your paranoia. They probably haven't even noticed you. 3 or 4 years in, (or longer for those with older dc) people will have just fallen into a habit of standing in a particular spot, and will just chat with those near them. Nobody is there looking out for new parents to welcome them with some kind of formal greeting ceremony, but it doesn't mean they are 'blanking' or judging you, they probably haven't even noticed you.

Oh, and my ds started at a new school 4 weeks before the end of the school year, when he was 7 too.

Sheehu Sat 01-Apr-17 05:51:32

Thanks it's true I should make more effort. Just to explain the school started in September and everyone is new in the class (some knew each other from their previous school but half the class is completely new from different schools). My email for a play date has been ignored twice in fact by two different parents and so I wonder whether it is time to back off or give them the benefit of doubt and be persistent! The thing is the parents who ignored the emails are the ones my DC wanted to have a play date with. We have friends from previous school so we do still have play dates with them but I am feeling that my DC may eventually start to feel a little isolated as other kids are always talking about their play dates.

waterrat Sun 02-Apr-17 08:27:58

I am sure they are not judging you. Could you face to face approach some mums and ask to have their kids over?

2ndSopranos Sun 02-Apr-17 09:49:03

We do very few play dates. This is because I work four days a week and the fifth day the dc have music lessons after school. It's not deliberate, but given that one of us would have to take time off work to facilitate an after school play date, it's not something we can do very often, if at all. Same for several of their friends tbh.

We do try in the holidays.

It may be that many of these families are in a similar situation.

Trb17 Sun 02-Apr-17 13:55:02

Emailing isn't really the best way. It's a bit cold and efficient. Try approaching the other mums in person and then you'll get a vibe for how they react to you too.

Sheehu Tue 04-Apr-17 08:16:47

Thanks I will try the face to face approach and just ask if they received my email. That mum invited my DC to a play date via email and so I communicated back the same way - I will get a better feel for sure in person.

witwootoodleoo Tue 04-Apr-17 08:46:31

Don't ask if they received your email. It can come across a bit passive aggressive and noone likes being put on the spot about having not replied even if it was a genuine oversight.

Would it be worth a word with the teacher to see how she's getting on with the other kids? Just because your DD wants a play date with particular kids doesn't mean those kids want a play date with her sadly.

Once you know from the teacher who she's seems most friendly with a casual verbal invite to the mum at the gates would be the best way.

brassbrass Tue 04-Apr-17 09:02:37

forget about emails, just be brave and introduce yourself in person. Keep it quick and smiley and ask if their DC would like to come round to play.

You'll soon know if they're blanking you or not.

Lowdoorinthewal1 Tue 04-Apr-17 09:14:12

So is this a new Independent school (you say the other parents are working to afford fees)? If so maybe the parents are there because the wrap-around is good so play dates are not easy for a lot of people?

I agree with having a check in with the teacher to see how things are going socially in class.

Sheehu Tue 04-Apr-17 09:24:57

No the school has mostly kids with trust funds where parents don't need to work. We are in the minority ie we don't have a range rover and a multi million pound house like the rest. That is why I feel, maybe paranoid, that they may be a little class conscious.

Even if they do not want a play date with my DC, it would be polite to at least respond to my email with an excuse.

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