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I think my 16 year old daughter may be sleeping with her boyfriend

(17 Posts)
Polly53 Fri 31-Mar-17 16:08:48

I think my teenage (16) daughter may be sleeping with her 15 year old boyfriend. They have been seeing each other for almost 3 months and are "madly" in love, in typical teenage style. They have bought each other rings which they are wearing around their necks, are spending lots of time together and are constantly on line messaging or on face time. She has been on the pill for a while as she had very painful and heavy periods so the contraceptive angle is covered. I have spoken to her about her sexual health and safe sex. I have also talked about the emotional involvement of a sexual relationship and what consent means. While I think she listens and she joins in a bit she tells me she is not going to confide these issues in me because it is embarrassing talking to me about such things. When I have asked her straight out "Are you having sex" she says no. She is aware however that I am a bit old fashioned in my views, I am an older parent. I like the young man, he is very polite, respectful and friendly. Am I worrying about nothing? Is there anything else a good mother should be doing?

boolifooli Fri 31-Mar-17 16:11:01

Rather than asking questions maybe start conversations about condoms, sti's. In the car is good. Make the conversations a normal part and she may feel more comfortable with talking to you.

MaidenMotherCrone Fri 31-Mar-17 16:12:16

How old is an old parent?

Polly53 Fri 31-Mar-17 16:14:20

Mid 50's

BeingATwatItsABingThing Fri 31-Mar-17 16:14:40

You have discussed safe sex. Maybe buy her some condoms because you can't stop her from having sex, just prevent her from having unsafe sex.

AndKnowItsSeven Fri 31-Mar-17 16:15:07

No you aren't worrying about nothing her boyfriend is too young to consent.

TheHiphopopotamus Fri 31-Mar-17 16:16:02

Remind her that her boyfriend is under 16 and it's illegal for her to have sex with him.

BaDumShh Fri 31-Mar-17 16:17:01

If they were both over 16 I would be telling you to mind your own business as they are legally old enough to be having sex.

However, her boyfriend is currently underage and if she is sleeping with him, she is breaking the law. Perhaps you should remind her of this.

defineme Fri 31-Mar-17 16:17:42

I think you have covered it all. I think you sound like a good concerned mother. Now she's 16 she needs some privacy, so perhaps stop asking her? There's a lovely book by Gemma Cairney called Open which has a chapter on first love and is a bit like advice a sensible best friend would give. You could give her that?

goodpiemissedthechips Fri 31-Mar-17 16:17:50

I will be that age by the time my daughter is 16.

She doesn't have to tell you anything, of course. Just keep pushing the safe sex message, make sure there are condoms available, and that even though she feels embarrassed to talk to you, you're always there to listen.

I suppose that's all you can do. You sound like you're handling it pretty well so far.

MargotLovedTom1 Fri 31-Mar-17 16:21:45

I hardly think anyone will make anything of her having sex within a loving relationship with her boyfriend who is a matter of months younger than her.

I agree with pp - she wants her privacy. Yes - remind her about condoms but after that leave her alone; you have tried to talk about it and she's obviously not comfortable doing so right now.

Polly53 Fri 31-Mar-17 16:23:26

I have already told her about the age of consent and that as the older young person she has to be setting the limits because he isn't 16 yet. Not sure that will resonate in the head of a love struck teenager! I may be older but I am not naive.

ohdoadoodoo Fri 31-Mar-17 16:27:18

I hardly think anyone will make anything of her having sex within a loving relationship with her boyfriend who is a matter of months younger than her. I agree with pp - she wants her privacy. Yes - remind her about condoms but after that leave her alone; you have tried to talk about it and she's obviously not comfortable doing so right now

This.

Itmustbemyage Fri 31-Mar-17 16:29:22

Don't be worried about law breaking the police will not be interested in a relationship with an age difference of only a few months, even if one is under 16 and 1 just over 16 (personal experience of this).
It sounds like you are handling it exactly the right way she may not want to talk about it to you and that's fine.
Maybe mention to her that there are many online sources of advice or maybe you have another family member she may feel happier to discuss it with ?

Ohyesiam Fri 31-Mar-17 16:33:46

It does sound like an ideal way to start exploring sex, mutually madly in love, supportive kind parent. Hope it's like that for my daughter.
I guess the 15 year old bf is not ideal, but there isn't the power differential that is at the heart of our dislike of underage sex. When is he 16?
You sound like you've handled it really well.

notanothernamechangebabes Fri 31-Mar-17 16:42:32

I think you've done amazingly well- you've covered all the angles as you say- and the best thing you could do now is just remind her often that she can tell you anything at all without your judgement, and in confidence.

When my younger sister started to have sex aged 15, my DM was brilliant- she took her for the pill, I gave her condoms, then we both listened to her, laughed with her about the ... relative disappointment she found it to be the first time- and then DM and I backed off. And as a result, Dsis never ever felt she couldn't tell us what was going on- she's 25 now- and never had an unplanned pregnancy scare, never had an sti, never had any secret dilemmas about relationships.

Having sex early often only turns into a disaster when parents make it something to be kept secret.

Isadora2007 Fri 31-Mar-17 17:27:04

Honestly she is doing nothing wrong and neither are you. I'd leave condoms in her room as well as her being on the Pill... though assuming they were both virgins I don't think stds are an issue for them.
It's tough when your baby is growing up but you're doing great and she sounds lovely. flowers

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