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Non Father Help.(5 Posts)
Long story short. My Ex and I had a beautiful baby girl, that's all the good I can say there. He was abusive and controlling and left us when she was barely a few months old. I met my current fiance when my girl was 7 months, he had a son also from a previous relationship who is also 7 months. He has been the only parent figure in my girls life. She's had operations and he's been at our side. She started calling him Daddy and he accepted her as his own. She is now 5 , 6 in July. She has a close relationship to my soon to be step son and loves my fiance. We are getting married this year.
One thought that troubles me is , well, when do I tell my daughter the truth? My fiance wants to adopt her one day, I know if we tried now my ex would make it difficult for me , she's a smart girl. She will notice that her 'brother' is the same age and figure it out more. How can and how do you even go about doing it? I know I will have to tell her one day. What age? Will she hate us for lying ? It's a big worry. Please anyone who has been through it or has advice please please answer. Thank you.
Doesn't she have any contact with her birth father?
I'm not sure what I would do OP. If she ever directly asked I would tell the truth but apart fron that I think all you can do is take it day by day and try to decide if she's ready to understand and deal with the information.
Sounds like you all have a very close bond so she will hopefully feel secure and loved and be able to process and ask any questions she has.
My only advice is don't leave it too late. I find younger children are often more accepting of situations than older children/ teenagers.
I think it's better to be honest from a young age but I know that is hard
I never had contact with my biological father. I always knew this, so not the same situation I know but I did have a half sister the same age as me and in the same class at school (yes, my biological father had an affair ). Our Mothers (neither with the womaniser anymor) decided to tell us age 8, before he potentially find out from someone else.
I believe that knowing my father was a complete waste of space from a young age. Meant I was never interested in a relationship! However, if your daughter finds out at a later age maybe she will rebel and want to find him after you 'lied' for so many years.
There is really no right or wrong here. It is yours and your partners decision and I wish you the best of luck whatever you decide.
Your daughter will always know who was there for her. As I was, with my stepfather.
You tell her the truth now!! Anything else and you are just storing up a big bag of hurt. Sit her down and tell her the truth.
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