To have a third baby?(94 Posts)
I just feel so torn and can't decide! Myself and dp have two lovely girls aged 5 and 20 months. We'd always hoped to have two dc and I wanted my family to be complete before the age of 40. However, I'm 40 now, and a few months ago started to feel intensely broody! We eventually got my coil out a couple of months ago and are seeing what happens. I work part time and dp full time, another child would stretch our finances but would certainly be doable. We're engaged and would like to get married next year, but both happy to put it off for a little longer if necessary. It's just that life is becoming easier and more ordered with two and I'm wondering if we should just be grateful for two healthy dc and stick with that? The overwhelming broodiness has eased off now, and I'm just wondering if we'll regret not having a third if we stop trying or possibly even regret having a third if it does happen!!
Anyone?! Sorry in advance if this is a topic which has been done to death - I'm new to Mumsnet, and just hoping people can share their experiences
Don't children usually get more expensive not to less as they get older? Also be prepared to the older you are the more chance you have of multiples for number 3 could turn into number 3 and 4!
I can only speak from my perspective of course, but I had my youngest at 40 and thought we were done with two girls also. I'm now 45 and bitterly regret that I didn't go for number 3. It would have stretched us in all ways but I really wish we had done it. Too late now.
There is a lot to be said for life being a little bit more settled though...
I think you wouldn't regret having a third child but would regret not having one.
Why not put a deadline on it, give it another year and if you haven't fallen pregnant then decide not to carry on ttc.
Thanks ladies, really helpful to hear your opinions and experiences. I just wish it was an easier decision to make. The thought of regretting not going for it in the future is always niggling away..........if I was a few years younger I'd put it on hold for a couple of years, but haven't got that option, hence ttc when not being 100% sure! Twins is a slightly terrifying thought!
Yes neon, I think babies/toddlers don't have to cost much, but teenagers will I'm sure. Then there's university.........stopping at two is the sensible option, but that urge to have another can be so powerful. Bloody hormones!
I've just had my 3rd. I'd always said 3 from the start. She's only 6 weeks old so can't comment too much on how easy/hard it is yet. But getting 3 car seats in the back of our fairly big car was a struggle and we had go buy 2 new seats. That was a stress when i was pregnant. And i can see holidays being difficult, we booked a hotel and its fine as she'll be in a Moses basket but most of the common hotel websites would only let us type in up to 2 kids.
I was upset when DP has the snip after our 2, but now I feel free and it's lovely knowing we won't ever have an accident again.
I wasn't sure, but now I know I'm happy with our two gorgeous children and I'm glad I get to spend more individual time with them as they grow up. DP also has 2 children from his marriage, so he knew he was done. When they are here, it is chaotic and noisy and I don't enjoy it.
It's a terrible time to have children - global warming etc. A lot less selfish to stick at 2.
Have to say I'm 46 and was thinking about a third. I had my DCs at 37 and 42. So my youngest is 4. I've had a full medical - including a very detailed ovarian scan and lots of health checks. The only issue at my age is increased likelihood of multiple birth. DS and other genetic problems that increase with age... Plus I don';t do pregnancy very well!
Mumoftwo, I think by having something as final as the snip kind of helps in a way to accept and embrace your situation as it is. I'm trying to remember just to be in the moment and enjoy our two as much as possible, instead of stressing about a third. We are continuing to ttc, and will for a few more months. But will put a time limit on it and stop if it doesn't happen by then.
Boodle, environmental issues are a consideration when thinking about a third, but probably not enough to swing it completely for me
It's going to be a really unpopular viewpoint, but the combination of all the efforts of reducing carbon footprints by everyone still won't reach the amount saved by having no children.
Obviously, this is an unfair and unrealistic request to make of people but when people already have two children and are considering one more I do wish they would consider the environmental impact.
Sir David Attenborough spoke out about this in Life Of Mammals - "Instead of controlling the environment for the benefit of the population, perhaps it's time we control the population to allow the survival of the environment." Sir Peter Scott, founder of WWF said "our objective was to save species from extinction. But we have failed completely ... if only we'd put all that money into condoms we might have done some good."
I know I sound harsh and I am absolutely 100% against dictating to people whether they have children or not. But with two healthy beautiful girls and given the above, I would please be content with your lot. X
I have 4 and still got intensely broody as I turned 40. I'm glad DH said no now though! I'd go for it, OP!
What puts me off is purely from the perspective of my child.
I want to be around for as much of their life as possible. Not old and needy, but active, healthy, supportive. Able to tangibly help with grandchildren.
Say the child is a girl has their first child at 32, and a second at 34. Just taking averages around here. That means that I would be 80 when they are 6 and 8, a proper old granny (and even older than that of a son, as average age around here (affluent Kent) is 35 for first child.
I am 36 and motherless. It's a huge gap in my life.
That can happen at any age though Blinky, although I sympathise with what you Neanderthal.
Yes, death can happen at any age, but surely you can't argue with fact that more likely to occur as one grows older?
My point wasn't just concerning death. It's about the difference between a 70 year old and an 89 year old. It's not just ten years. It's the difference between being really involved in your grandchildren's (and indeed children) lives and sitting on a chair watching them play.
Again I don't disagree but given that health isn't a given, people function just fine without grandparents, and that being a grandparent isn't a given, I don't think it's a reason to NOT have a longed for child. I do think already having two children is.
I'm 36 and don't have children!
Agreed, it's not necessary to have grandparents. It's a a nice to have I suppose!
I'd love to be there for my children though. I really really would. And I'm more confident that I will be there for them given I have them 29 and 32, than if it was ten years later.
I'm not criticising. I'm honestly just explaining my view.
I have two wonderful children - DS (8) and DD (4) and we've been thinking about number 3 for not far off 2 years now. I've gone a bit hot and cold on the idea a few times during that time...my heart would love another but my head always talks me out of it for a lot of the reasons you mention. But I'm 38 now, I'm on the pill and I really want to come off it. So it's kind of got to the point where it's got to be now or never.
My DH is very happy with 2 children but has said that he'd happily have another if it's what I really want, but he's a bit concerned about going through the ttc thing again as second time round it was quite a long and painful process. So I'm in a similar place as you.
So in 2 days' time I will finish my last pill pack and we've basically said let's see what happens for a few months. If it's meant to be it will be and if not I still have the most amazing little family
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