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How is 2nd baby going to work with intense ds1?

(12 Posts)
Kimchikimchi Sat 25-Mar-17 23:08:16

DS1 is 2.5?still breastfeed, co sleeps, not potty trained and knows he is the apple of our eye. I've tried nurseries, crèche at gym but nothing works. Husband is not home until after 8pm and this won't change. No family friends to help. My parents are elderly, husbands are too and in another country. Delighted to be pregnant with no 2 but freaking put a bit about logistics. I do t want to force things on my son like potty training and nursery but I don't know how I'll manage. Any advice from attachment style parents who've coped without having to be abrupt with child No 1 would be really helpful. Can't sleep an so nervous.

Crumbs1 Sat 25-Mar-17 23:17:18

You might have to,bite the bullet and let him grow up. If he's attached properly through a healthy relationship thus far then he developmentally needs to expand his world. It's not loving him less to let him take steps towards successful independence.

teaandbiscuitsforme Sun 26-Mar-17 08:34:40

Maybe choose one thing at a time to tackle?

My DD is a bit younger (almost 2) and DS is now 11 weeks. She has always done 2 days at nursery from 12 months but was also BF (still is!) and we co-slept. I decided at 16 months to work on co-sleeping so we set up a single bed in her own room. I BF her to sleep in her bed and then would get into bed when she woke up. She loved her bed! At 17 months we decided to night wean so I still BF to sleep, but then if she woke between 10 and 5, DH would go in and lie with her to get her back to sleep. Within a few days we decided DH would do any wake ups after I'd BF to sleep and almost straight away she started sleeping through.

DS was born when she was 21 months so DH started putting her to bed then as well which stopped the feed to sleep. I still BF first thing in the morning and before her nap. She wanted to feed a lot more when DS was born but after 2 weeks, I decided I had to be strict about it.

When DS was 6 weeks, she decided she didn't want nappies any more so we've also done potty training!

Good luck!

Acorncat Sun 26-Mar-17 08:44:22

No help, but I'm in almost exactly the same situation, except mine does go to nursery 3 days a week while I work. I'm really worried too. I'm not worried about potty training, there's no hurry and it'll happen when he's ready. I'm happy to keep cosleeping with both but babies are so noisy and I'd hate for older one to be woken numerous times a night. I'm worried he'll want to feed more when the baby does, I've read that can happen. Aargh, I'm sure it'll all be fine sad

Kimchikimchi Sun 26-Mar-17 19:19:33

Thanks for these replies- I'm sorry I've only just seen them. I would like to get him In his own bed but I need my dh's help and he's not home
In time. I hoped my
Milk might start tasting odd to him
But unfortunately he does not seem
Put off. It's really good to know others are in the same boat.

Crumbs1 Sun 26-Mar-17 19:39:08

He's 2 - what can your husband do to get him to bed that you can't? Genuinely curious.

teaandbiscuitsforme Sun 26-Mar-17 20:05:13

Crumbs The OP's DH can't breastfeed (I presume!)

Crumbs1 Sun 26-Mar-17 20:24:18

No but why does that mean she needs her husband to put the little one to bed? Can't see the connection except the child saying he wants to feed and mother might say no or feed him and say that's the last feed tonight. He's old enough to understand.

HiMyNameIsUnknown Sun 26-Mar-17 20:52:05

Can you start slowly with half days at nursery and build up over a few weeks to some full days? Are there any nurseries he can join where he knows some of the kids from playgroups so it may help him fit in?

SprogletsMum Sun 26-Mar-17 20:58:53

I'd tackle one thing at a time personally. So if he usually feeds to sleep then do that and put him into his own bed.
Once he's cracked that decide what you want to tackle next. I weaned my dd at a similar age by using nail biting stuff on my nipples. Technically she weaned herself because the taste was disgusting and she didn't want to feed again.
Potty training is a ball ache but best left until they're ready.
I don't understand the nursery thing? Does he need to go to nursery? My dd2 is a clingy one and doesn't like me leaving her but despite crying when I drop her off at nursery she has settled and bonded well with the staff and enjoys herself when she's there. If she didn't I wouldn't bother and would have just tried again when she's older.

SprogletsMum Sun 26-Mar-17 21:01:33

I meant to say as well that I'm 36 weeks now with number 4. When I found out I was pregnant dd2 was still co sleeping and I'd never left her anywhere with anyone. She sleeps through the night now in her own bed and goes to nursery and has had 2 practice sleepovers with my dad for when I'm in hospital.

NerrSnerr Sun 26-Mar-17 21:25:02

We weaned our daughter off the breast just after she turned 2 when I was pregnant. We had little choice as I had HG and couldn't manage it. We told her the milk was all gone, she understood and we only had tears twice. She was obsessed with breastfeeding so we thought it'd be so much worse.

Now I'm 37 weeks and she knows the milk is for the baby, I'm not sure how much she remembers feeding but she hadn't asked although she knows the baby will breastfeed.

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