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Appropriate consequence for this behaviour?

(16 Posts)
2468whodoweappreciate Fri 24-Mar-17 21:03:14

I feel in shock.
My 6 & 8 yr old went upstairs to get into pj's etc while I quickly vacuumed the lounge. Once out of sight, elder DD1 picked up the younger DD2 (which I've already banned cos of potential danger, she's not strong enough to do it safely). DD2 after a bit says 'put me down'. So DD1 goes 'ok' literally drops her, DD2 smashes her head on the floor, I heard an almighty bang from downstairs which alerted me to it all followed by screams. Initially DD1 lied & denied, which is less significant but still awful to not take responsibility although after 10 minutes she did.
When I spoke to her to ask, why? DD1 said I just did what DD2 asked. She is 8 ffs, she knows it's wrong & dangerous and not what DD2 had asked her to do. She loves DD2, who trusts her absolutely, but deliberately chose to hurt her. I am so shocked & upset.
I've put them both to bed now but I need to be ready for the morning. How do you deal with behaviour like this? What is appropriate? DD1 hit me 3 weeks ago, maybe coincidence, and different circumstances (she was very tired & said I was treating her like a baby when I tried to help her undo her dungarees quickly for the toilet). I took away all treats for 3 days after that. Not much point doing that again though if it didn't work! I'm horrified she hurt her little sister in this way, DD2 is the most gentle kind & thoughtful sister she could have. Ideas for dealing with this??

Sleeperandthespindle Fri 24-Mar-17 21:13:19

I think you're really overreacting. A telling off is fine in these circumstances. They were playing and it went a bit wrong. They sound like they get on well - maybe you could relax a bit.

Describe the 'hit' a bit more? Sounds like she was telling you she really didn't want/ need help with her clothing for the toilet (being eight, and seemingly so grown up...)

TondelayaDellaVentamiglia Fri 24-Mar-17 21:14:26

i have three....I NEVER sent them anywhere together...that's when the magic happens!

send them separately, or off in staggered starts ....number 1 off to find jimjams, number two gets to go up for jammies once No1 is in the bathroom, No1 vacates bathroom and second child moves in...and so on

divide and conquer! and the running commentary means you hear where everyone is.

As for the consequences....I'd pile on a nice guilt laden chat for the pair of them about how nonsense gets out of hand and how awful accidents can be.

outofmydepth45 Fri 24-Mar-17 21:17:01

Sorry I think the ship has sailed, you have told her off. You can't let it drag into the next day their memories are not that long, she won't make the linkage.

She needed to be told off for lying and explained too that it is dangerous, It doesn't sound like a purposeful act

picklemepopcorn Fri 24-Mar-17 21:21:00

It's over now. She's probably shocked and horrified by it, which is a better lesson than anything you can punish into her.

Timeforabiscuit Fri 24-Mar-17 21:28:28

You know that she is normally kind and gentle, id be tempted to see the massive error in judgement as part and parcel of learning.

If she wants to test her strength picking up heavy things, show her the "lift with your knees" technique and to crack on with the sofa or similar inert non living thing safely!

2468whodoweappreciate Fri 24-Mar-17 21:59:29

Really? But she dropped DD2 on purpose! On her head! You'd all shrug it off?
We did speak tonight, she apologised to her sister, she understood it was wrong. It just seems really serious to me & needing more than a chat to demonstrate that, as much to DD2 as DD1. Maybe I'm draconian in my parenting style, but purposefully hurting someone is serious in my book.
It's tough this raising-little-people malarkey.

FeckinCrutches Fri 24-Mar-17 22:02:20

How on earth did she lift her upside down? confused

Haggisfish Fri 24-Mar-17 22:04:07

But siblings beat the crap out of each other! Tell them off, move on.

2468whodoweappreciate Fri 24-Mar-17 22:15:24

Not upside down. DD2 fell backwards & hit the rear of her head on the floor.
Perhaps me & my siblings didn't fist fight enough! Might explain a few things!

naturalbaby Fri 24-Mar-17 22:22:09

She dropped her and caused her sister to bang her head. I'd think the upset of that would be enough of a deterrent. I would talk to her again to hear her side of it but since she's experience the consequences herself, that would be punishment enough.
I have 3 boys, similar ages, and they love each other dearly but still hurt each other on purpose almost every day. Punishing them doesn't do anything to stop it or prevent it.

Silverdream Fri 24-Mar-17 22:32:01

She let go of her on purpose but didn't think that her sister would bang her head. That part wasn't intended.
You are overreacting thinking she purposefully dropped her on her head and making it into something cruel and callous.
She has learnt the consequence of her action. Lying is a natural protective instinct in that age range so don't be shocked that she did it.
A chat about thinking before acting.
TBH you saying they can't pick each other up would cause mine to have been tempted to do it. They would have thought it was ok. Seen others do it to each other and probably pick friends up in play so gave it a go.
You dealt with it. Job done.

ecuse Fri 24-Mar-17 22:41:54

Agreed. Bit of a bollocking was right, now let it go. Siblings play rough.

Patriciathestripper1 Fri 24-Mar-17 22:48:05

I'd let it go op and do what to suggests.
They will both wake tomorrow having totally forgotten last nights going son.
Do t keep it going. Just change the way things are done.

Patriciathestripper1 Fri 24-Mar-17 22:48:29

Goings on

Jazzywazzydodah Fri 24-Mar-17 22:56:01

I'm pretty strict with my girls but I'd let this one go.

I bet dd1 feels wretched, I bet she has punished herself enough just by her thoughts what happened and possible punishment.

She said sorry, you know she loves her. I doubt she will do it again.

Honestly my brother and I crucified each other grin

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