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How to deal with DH

(10 Posts)
Lisa9819 Fri 24-Mar-17 14:13:37

A little back story.. I have always tried to involve my husbands family in as much as possible.. ex: invite them over, out to parks beaches, sent pictures, spend holidays with them, buy them 'just because' gifts randomly, etc. They have always been extremely demanding of us despite us never trying to exclude them, until now that is.

They have demanded more visits, claimed it was their right as grand parents. On top of all of this MIL AND FIL make so many passive aggressive comments directed at me. This includes sideways comments about me breastfeeding, how DD only loves me because I feed her??, that my husband does all the cleaning/cooking (not true at all as I do 90% of it), guilting us relentlessly about not seeing them more (we see them every week), comments about my weight and appearance to the point it has had me in tears on many occasions. I have never wanted to break apart the family, but DH has never been able to stand up for me to them. It is infuriating. I don't want him to cut them out of our life, but to defend me as his wife. sad It has caused a major rift and I no longer even look at him the same as he's pretty much just over and over again watched his family bully me. It has made me question ever having children with him sad .. I love my babies more than anything but these people have practically ruined the first few years I had with them because of the weight of stress they have put on me.

It is sad because of this I no longer go to them for their help. They used to almost force me to allow them to babysit when my DD was only a couple of weeks and on when I was not comfortable being away from my new baby yet. I used to have them occasionally watch them, but now I get help elsewhere as I cannot deal with the stress of seeing them or hearing from them any more than we already do. I have also slowly began to distance myself from them more and more.. for years I felt I was under their control. How do moms cope with this when dealing with people who have no concept of boundaries?? I have tried many times having conversations with them to try and improve our relationship, but they basically tell me I am too sensitive and to do whatever DH says. angry

outofmydepth45 Fri 24-Mar-17 21:23:21

Stop trying to involve them, let DH deal with them. Do not engage, you do not have to do anything you don't feel comfortable.

You can always say No, practice saying it.

Good luck

NeonGod73 Fri 24-Mar-17 21:32:46

Your husband is a spineless bimbo. He should defend you and tell his parents not to speak to/about you in such a disrespectful manner. You are his wife, his chosen family, and he left them for you. Call him to the computer and show him that NeonGod is saying this!

Astro55 Fri 24-Mar-17 21:40:49

Agree - backbaway and don't feel bad! Let DH deal with seeing them - make yourself scarce - you don't have to be available to any bully

QuiteLikely5 Fri 24-Mar-17 21:42:59

Avoid them. See friends, hair apt etc

neonrainbow Fri 24-Mar-17 21:44:31

Yeah just don't see them. Keep your dc contact with them to a minimum.

ClemDanfango Fri 24-Mar-17 21:47:58

Cut them out, let him deal with them. Oh and he's a complete dick by the way.

Aquamarine1029 Sat 25-Mar-17 12:46:43

I would absolutely refuse to spend one more minute with them and I wouldn't hesitate to tell them exactly why right to their face. If your husband wants to see them he can do so at THEIR house. Stop allowing yourself to be treated like shit.

shineon Sun 26-Mar-17 12:55:49

From now on your husband brings your children to their house to visit. You stay home. Cut contact with them. You are an adult and dont need to put up with anyone.

DonkeysDontRideBicycles Tue 28-Mar-17 18:03:24

Grandparents can be a valuable element and PILs can be so kind and supportive it is a shame you are not able to get any of that.
Carry on breastfeeding for as long as it feels right. Ignore any snide comments about how DD only loves you because you feed her that way.
You don't have to make a dramatic announcement just tell DH you feel it's best if he sees them on his own or with DD, (at least until you feel stronger and able to confront them).
If they shower DD with gifts that's up to them, it doesn't entitle them to 'buy' time with her.
Some grandparents are greedy for witnessing firsts and will take pleasure in boasting "So-and-so did this while you were gone" so if DH has taken her round and they fill you in on the details just let it wash over you.

Carve yourself out some 'me' time when possible and don't let PILs dominate free time at the weekend with DD and DH, it's family time for your little family not them when they dictate.
If DH is seen as Super dad just because he can hold his own baby without injuring her, and do some housework now and then, the fatherhood bar on his side of the family needs to be raised.

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