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Mums have it easy

(35 Posts)
jfkfc Fri 24-Mar-17 13:54:23

Some interesting points of view here:

www.pistonheads.com/gassing/topic.asp?t=1661404

"I imagine much of the moaning about being a mother is an attempt to justify sitting on one's backside for most of the day".

think my favourite comment was

"I find it all quite simple and enjoyable. It just takes a little organisation. All household tasks can be done in the morning quite easily, leaving time to get on with the more seldom done tasks like cleaning the oven/microwave/toilet/car in the afternoon, things my wife never does. I think it's just an attitude thing really."

ImFuckingSpartacus Fri 24-Mar-17 13:56:01

And what are the toddler and the baby up to while I clean the oven, jackass?

Bunch of twats, they wouldn't last a day!

SaltBae Fri 24-Mar-17 13:57:53

Ridiculous article,

But I did find it very easy and exactly like the moron explained.

My daughter had play pens and other such things to keep her entertained while I cleaned and did the housework. Postnatal depression was hard but actually being home all day and having free time was absolutely great.

Oliversmumsarmy Fri 24-Mar-17 13:58:16

I presume the wife has taken them out.

ImFuckingSpartacus Fri 24-Mar-17 13:59:33

My daughter had play pens and other such things to keep her entertained while I cleaned and did the housework

So just the one child, who would happily sit in a play pen? Yeah that sounds pretty easy! <I wish>

Whatthefreakinwhatnow Fri 24-Mar-17 14:02:56

He sounds like a sanctimonious twat, butI agree to a point. I have two under 2, 19 months and 3 months and manage to get housework and washing etc done in the day, so does DP when he is home with them.
Maybe we are the odd ones out but I've never understood the posters who say they don't shower, clean etc because of small children, I can't relate at all.

Jaynebxl Fri 24-Mar-17 14:07:48

You can't assume that because it works for your children it works for everybody's. Different temperaments and personalities mean some children are easier to handle than others. Plus lots of parents want to spend some time actually playing with and parenting their child rather than just sticking them in a playpen so they can do jobs. And many parents like to take the children out to toddler groups and activities some time too for the child's benefit.

Whatthefreakinwhatnow Fri 24-Mar-17 14:10:39

I wasn't saying it should work for everyone, and I do take my children to groups and play with them thanks!

I just also manage of stick a bit of housework in too, what is so wrong with that?! confused

fuzzywuzzy Fri 24-Mar-17 14:12:10

With my first I was trying to establish breastfeeding and recover from episiotomy after a forceps assisted delivery, and the post partum haemorrhage at a week post partum. So yes for a few weeks I didn't know which way was up and as I did all feeds and night wakes I was a zombie for months. With a colicky baby I was one of those who would race it shower and a good day was if I managed to put a comb thro my hair.

I went back to work at fourteen weeks post partum tho.

Also managed to do all housework and childcare and paid for childcare when I was at work.

Because ex was/is a dick.

It's easier when kids are older but as babies anyone not physically recovering from birth has no idea.

And breastfeeding is really really physically draining. I still remember the physical exhaustion and how weak I felt from the clusterfeeds especially during growth spurts when dc only wanted it be attached to my boob for what felt like days on end!

And if it's so easy why is that person complaining about women handing over childcare duties to their partners when they come home from work. Surely if it's so easy it's fine?

HecateAntaia Fri 24-Mar-17 14:12:58

Well; it isnt that hard, in many cases.
But so what? It doesnt have to be back breaking akin to 12 hours down the pit to be important and worrhwhile!
Plus day in day out is different to once in a while.
Tiredness can be accumulated.

There's 15 months between my two and they both have disabilities. It has been knackering at times and a piece of cake at times and everything in between. Doesnt mean it's not a worthwhile way to spend time or as valid a choice as any other. People should not feel they have to defend themselves or account for their day. Fuck that!

Hassled Fri 24-Mar-17 14:15:34

In fairness to the Pistonheads, who seem like quite a polite, reasonable bunch, there's a lot of posts refuting the OP - people saying it's bloody knackering etc.

Dontactlikeyouknowme Fri 24-Mar-17 14:16:25

Have you linked that thread to start a pistonheads v MN war?

Hassled Fri 24-Mar-17 14:19:44

And yes, so much depends on the children involved. I still clearly remember sitting on the stairs one time with a screaming 2 year old in one arm and a screaming newborn in the other, having no idea what to do to make it stop and being overwhelmed by tiredness and hormones. I went back to work pretty soon afterwards - it was much easier. But those were my older DCs - the younger 2 were a doddle by comparison. I had the time to bake and actually have fun with them - it was a whole different ball game and going to work would have been a lot harder.

Pinkheart5915 Fri 24-Mar-17 14:28:43

Everyone Is different though so some Mums find it easy others don't. I also think different people find different ages easy.

My 2 dc are 11 months apart ( DS 18 months & dd 7 months) and so far I have not found being a Mum difficult, not because I am superwomen or amazing but just because of luck I guess

Both births were fairly text book, breast feeding with ds was a walk in the park but with dd I did struggle a lot it was so painful I had many a nights crying but it's now well established.

They both sleep fairly well which I think helps a lot as me and dh can both get a good nights sleep, so I am not dead on my feet.

I spend my days doing fun activities with the babies and yes I do still find time to relax and have a shower/haircut and I really enjoy baking which I still do a lot off the babies sit in high chairs and "help" me as they are happy to do so but that's what my babies are happy with and I'm not saying all children would be happy.

To be fair my dh is brilliant me and him have always been equal and he certainly does his share of home stuff and children stuff. I think having a good dp/dh is important or you are doing everything and you will be stressed!
We also have mil living 5 minutes away and she will always help we just have to ask, which again is a great support

SparkleTwinkleGoldGlitter Fri 24-Mar-17 14:36:05

Every Mum is different
Every child is different
Every relationship is different

I had my first baby last year ( now 7 months) birth although emergency csection it wasn't truly awful, breastfeeding I found easy BUT the mind numbing boredom of being home was horrible. I went back to work after 6 months instead of taking the 18 month maternity package, I just couldn't cope with the boredom.

If I am completely honest I do not find being a Mum easy at all, sometimes in fact I really struggle. Today I hate the no sleep, dd no matter what I do she will not sleep! I hate the way dd screams and I do not know what she wants or what I can do. I hate weaning all dd will eat is yoghurt everything else is thrown! BUT then I have days that are fabulous and I love it all

My dh is fab and I think that is a very important thing, he is marvellous with dd and doing his bit around the house etc. I imagine if you have a lazy arse to deal with you are going to be more stressed

Jaynebxl Fri 24-Mar-17 14:42:10

I wasn't saying it should work for everyone, and I do take my children to groups and play with them thanks!

It's not all about you, Whatafreak.

Zoe1983 Fri 24-Mar-17 14:49:20

Really pleased that some mums are able to put their babies in play pens, do housework etc.

I have a 12 week old who still cries inconsolably if I put her down while I have a wee. She breastfeeds hourly. She was happier in a wrap, soI had my hands free but has decided in the past few weeks she doesn't after all and screams in that too. When my husband gets home, the first thing I do is pass her to him so I can pee, have a hot drink and eat.

Maybe I'm a failure, I literally cannot do any housework as she is either feeding or screaming and I'm not emotionally strong enough to leave her to cry it out.

TheWeeBabySeamus1 Fri 24-Mar-17 15:36:01

My sons 2 now and still won't play on his own - not even for 5 minutes. Any jobs I do in the day are done with a toddler clinging to my legs shouting "Mummy sit and play, Mummy build tower, Mummy, Mummy, Mummy..." You get the picture grin

So it's hard to get things done and also mentally quite suffocating. I'm a single parent and he still only goes to sleep with me in the room and often takes hours. On a good day he might be down at 9 and I can get some jobs done then on a bad day it can be nearly 12 and then I just crawl across the hall to my room and go to bed without so much as my dinner or a shower.

Zoe1983 Definitely not a failure, 12 weeks is still so young, and seeing to her needs is more important than a pristine home. Plus snuggles are much more fun than dusting the skirting boards 🤗

Zoe1983 Fri 24-Mar-17 15:46:44

Thank you TheWeeBabySeamus I'm currently trying to work out why my 12 week old has been screaming like a banshee all day and not only can I not put her down, I have to hold her "tiger in tree" and bounce her...after 4 hours of this my arms are on fire and my head hurts. I'm now just desperately counting down the minutes till DH is home at 5. I will then be lucky enough to have some help, I honestly think you're Wonder Woman for doing it alone.

Oliversmumsarmy Fri 24-Mar-17 16:05:05

A 3 year old unsupervised with scissors!!!

I have to say I couldn't let either of mine out of my sight

A lot of mums are still suffering years after giving birth. I had a couple of slipped discs caused because of pregnancy which weren't diagnosed or treated until 5 years later. Friend has another issue caused by pregnancy. She is now registered disabled.
You cannot tell by looking at someone what is happening. The writer acknowledges he cant give birth or breast feed. I suggest putting him into a situation so his body feels like he has had his nipples chewed off on a regular basis and his body feels like he has either squeezed a melon out of an orifice of choice or had a couple of abdominal surgeries then say it is easy

TheWeeBabySeamus1 Fri 24-Mar-17 16:15:09

Definitely not Wonder Woman - just seriously lowered my standards as far as personal grooming and housework goes wink And if DSs dad was here he'd be having a toddler launched at him as soon as he walked through the door, make no mistake grin

Yes, because more judgement is exactly what mums need hmm

It doesn't matter who has it harder; it's not the Hardship Olympics. I've enjoyed being a stay at home mum for the last six months because physically I don't find it that hard, I'm going back to work because it's emotionally draining. I love DD but when the only person you see all day, every day is a toddler (friends all live a distance away, don't have the car during the day, can't afford toddler groups etc) it becomes isolating. So the emotional difficulty should be considered too, on both sides - working is emotionally hard because you're away from your child a lot and feel that you're missing out.

Some people find it all piss easy, some people find it all difficult, some people are somewhere in the middle, but none of us benefit from judgy comments. If people are struggling surely they need support rather than people whingeing about them?

Parents are damned if they do and damned if they don't, let's not add more reasons to make them feel like shit grin

redjumper Fri 24-Mar-17 19:26:40

Mum's are bloody amazing!!

They grow a human in their belly.
They give birth, no fuss.
They feed and nurture and grow their baby.
They get up in the night every night to tend to their child's needs and sacrifice their own sleep.
They soothe their baby and dry their tears all day long.
They are their child's nurse, teacher, friend, confidant and mother.
Their child loves them more than anyone else in the world yet it's nothing compared to how much the mother loves them.

Who gives a fuck about housework vs 'men's work'. We are amazing for all of that big stuff and everyone knows that.

Gillian1980 Fri 24-Mar-17 19:51:17

It's just one of those subjects that people will never agree on as there are too many variables.

Personally I find it much much harder being at home with dd than being at work - and my job is a fairly stressful one! I love being with her but I find it physically and emotionally draining.

user1490392653 Fri 24-Mar-17 22:29:51

This is hard to read. The OP has his opinion and he's a full time "Mum" too. Would you have attacked the OP if it was a female?

BTW I gave a LOT of fuss during childbirth redjumper

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