How would you describe your parenting style?

[enchantmentandlove]

I find different parenting styles/child development really interesting, and was wondering if anyone would like to share what their parenting 'style' is (if anything)? I don't believe that there is one right way to do things or anything, as all children are so unique.

DD is only 9 months, but I would say I try to follow my instincts and I also love a lot of gentle parenting. I've also been looking into things such as Montessori and Reggio Amelia a lot.

[enchantmentandlove]

Reggio Emelia that should say!

[enchantmentandlove]

That rather Emilia

[corythatwas]

I think my parenting style could be described as "do more or less what your own mum did, which is what she learnt by watching what her mum did." Not sure this deserves the dignity of a name, though.

As a family (grandparents, parents, siblings, uncle, cousins, me), I think we tend to be quite calm but firm around children, not a lot of punishing, but as adults we do expect to get our way, even if that means manhandling a toddler. Smacking has not been in our parenting repertoire since around the year 1900.

Quite enjoy talking to them and playing with them and want to involve them in anything we do- still have fond memories of my nephew being handed the tiller of the boat aged 2, or other nephew cooking a stir-fry aged 4. Tend to give teens quite a bit of independence, but expect good behaviour in return.

Nah, doesn't really sound like a "method", does it?

[Groovester]

Threats, bribery and gin

[thatdearoctopus]

Benevolent dictatorship.

[smilingsarahb]

Inconsistent. ..but then I've had to maintain a style for 10 years I aim to be very gentle and nurturing and try to support my children be in charge of themselves . ..initially stuff like getting dressed and making their own cereal but more and more about the best course of action to take. I also agree that there are lots of equally good ways of doing things and different styles probably suit different children and ages.

[Afreshstartplease]

I'm quite firm. Things have consequences and I always follow through with them. I have high but also realistic expectations of the DC with regards to behaviour etc.

[SoAngryArghh]

I try to be positive and encouraging. I challenge them when they doubt themselves. I like them to be independent. I give lots and lots of kisses and cuddles. I probably shout more than I should - but I get tired. I do apologise.

Also I like to have lots of fun with them and silly jokes.

Discipline and boundaries wise - if I'm not shouting I'm generally persuading or telling!

[BounceBounceSplishSplash]

I have no clue what my style is yet. DC1 is nearly 9 months and I'm just making it up as I go along and stumbling through so far

[FormerlyFrikadela01]

Fuck it that'll do.

In all seriousness though DS is o my 8.5 months and has barely any routine so were quite relaxed about the whole thing.

[MyBreadIsEggy]

Everyone fed.
No one dead.

I have two under 2, so am pretty much winging it. If everyone gets through the day in one piece, it's a good day!

[Oliversmumsarmy]

Think what my mother would do then do the exact opposite

I am really laid back about certain things certain things are non negotiable

[Afreshstartplease]

Everyone fed no one dead is my motto eggy Some days MUCH more than others

[BertieBotts]

DS is 8, it's been a long time since I've thought of myself as having any kind of "style"

I probably have some kind of philosophy, but the parenting style thing... it just doesn't "keep up" as they get older.

When he was 9 months I definitely would have described myself as an attachment parent or gentle parent.

If I could go back and start again I'd like the wisdom that there are really no parenting "styles", there are a series of decisions about how you approach different problems or challenges, but to be open minded - just because someone advocates something I wouldn't like to do, such as sleep training for example, does not make their opinion null and void, not even on sleep. I wish I'd understood that people doing things differently to me didn't make them the enemy, and that their advice might be helpful, even if it was based on a premise I didn't agree with.

I also have been surprised as time has passed by how much grey area there is between parenting styles. I used to think that if someone did things differently to me it meant that they were the total opposite, operated on different principles, etc. Websites really don't help with this perception! Any websites/books aimed at "gentle parents" seem to peddle this myth that "the mainstream" is all thinking children are manipulative and naughty and must be trained into submission and that reward/punishment is all that works whereas most people don't think that way at all and use a range of techniques to get their children to behave with reward/punishment being the edges or a shortcut rather than the core. And any websites/books with a more firm approach seem to pander to the myth that "gentle parents" are just wishy washy nonsense peddlers with no backbone and out of control kids, which again, just isn't true, as most people who follow gentle parenting ideas still have boundaries. The "camps" are far closer together than it appears when your kids are little, and the most valuable thing I've learned is to listen to advice you disagree with and evaluate it rather than dismissing initially out of hand.

Sorry... bit long! But hopefully interesting.

[PutThatPomBearBack]

Waits for someone to say crunchy

[vaginasuprise]

I once filled in a parenting survey and was told my style is 'progressive' although I'd call it instinctive and laid back.

DCs are adults now, bloody brilliant people and I think I've done a good job. Nothing in life will ever come close to the joy of raising my boys.

[BertieBotts]

Isn't "progressive" US-speak to describe perfectly normal things like being accepting of gay people and mixed race relationships?

[BoboChic]

Attentive

[vaginasuprise]

Haha I think you are right Bertie , I didn't give it any thought at the time, I'm not American and quite old so assumed it was modern day crap labelling.

[bookworm14]

Making it up as I go along.

[Camomila]

If I had to label it I'd say fairly attachment parenty (which makes me sound like a twit) with a good dose of when in doubt just do what my mum did with me.

[Melaniaspilatesinstructor]

I think I'm intuitive and also hugely open to changing tac based on the host of factors at play in any given moment! (Doesn't roll off the tongue as a 'style')