I'd love to hear from those who don't find parenting difficult(73 Posts)
Please don't mistake my intentions, I'm not in any way being smug.
I'm currently sat snuggling with my 10 week old
who is currently resting after a mammoth screaming fit... I'm convinced his teeth are moving and have just read a thread where posters were talking about the challenges of parenting. This isn't a taat but I feel alone.
I've made efforts to get to groups and meet people and have built a new network of friends but there always seem to be people who are ready to talk about how hard parenting is.
I can say that I haven't found it challenging, frustrating or any of those things. It's so hard to join in with my friends complaints about fussy babies, sleepless nights, etc because although I am still experiencing that, surely it's just one of those things.
Seems weird to be complaining about not struggling but I'm scared to seem smug, dismissive and just to not be included with the woes of having a tiny baby.
Please tell me I'm not the only one who doesn't find it challenging?
Ps, I do get that my baby is only ten weeks and I may hit a brick wall soon another disclaimer - he was poorly when born and in special care so we have had our challenges and haven't just breezed through everything
I will tell my dd to ensure she has a child with a supportive partner otherwise she will struggle more.
I have sometimes found it difficult but really I just then delegate to my other half so it hasn't been stressful.
You are not smug but you feel alone (*alone*, no less) because your life with baby isn't hard?
Some babies are easy. Some babies are fucking hard work. It's not that your friends are wimps and you are a natural Earth mother taking it all in her stride. It's that their babies are not as easy as yours.
I didn't find the newborn stage hard at all. My experience was enjoyable and relatively stress free. Nothing like all the warnings I had from people when I was pregnant that having a baby would be 'like a bomb going off'. And the first 6 weeks would be 'hell'. None of that happened! I didn't have the perfect baby; he had colic from 6 weeks & sleep has always been a mixed bag and teething has been hard. But I just found if a straightforward process. He's now a toddler and absolutely lovely.
It's great that you're enjoying your new baby and long may it continue but at 10 weeks you know nothing really about parenting. Some people do find certain stages easier than others I hated the baby stage (non sleeping baby/pnd = bad combination) but have found her school years a doddle.
Strange post. Some find it hard, some don't.
The first 10 weeks certainly isn't the most challenging bit though.
Wait till they get older, is all I can say!
But Yes to the supportive partner, makes the world of difference!
I am pleased you are enjoying your parenting experience so far. I have 4 children aged 6-16 and let me tell you that the baby stage is the easiest bit by far!!!!
The first year with my eldest (now 17 and probably more challenging than almost any young person I know!) was the most blissful, content year of my life. I felt so fulfilled and happy and drifted around in a baby bubble making new friends with the baby I adored more or less attached to me.
Now with three teens or almost teens I still find parenting rewarding although I'm not exactly drifting around blissfully anymore
Enioy it! And it's a good thing - it sounds as if you are set up to cope
With anything parenting throws your way.
I'm glad to hear your baby recovered well and that you are managing everything ok at the moment. Long may it continue. Personally I found the newborn stage a piece of piss. The rest? Ha. Not so much
at week 10 of being a mum I thought it was a piss easy.
at 1 year I thought the same.
then I had another one. and my older one became a toddler.
parenting isn't as black and white that. there are lovely easy bits. there are backbreaking difficult bits.
There are some things about parenting that I find (at the moment) pretty straight forward that I know others have struggled with. But also vice versa! For example, our DCs don't do a lot of back chat, although I can see it coming, but one is a nightmare with food, and the other really struggles with his emotions.
There is a huge amount of different things about parenting and so it's normal that we all find different things difficult.
However, every time I think that I've nailed something it comes back to bit me on the bum. I was saying to DH on Monday how lucky we were with DS that he is not struggling with friendships like some of his peers. He came home on Tuesday in tears about falling out with friends...
It's a marathon, not a sprint. I is wonderful that you are enjoying the first 10 weeks. Please do not worry that you are enjoying it too much! Having a baby can be the most fun, and the best thing in the world. Just relish it. Don't be smug, but don't beat yourself up. Lots of people find the new baby but easy. The challenges are coming. We just all cope with them the best we can.
I'm glad you are enjoying your little baby boy though! I found the first few months blissful with DD1. Not so much with DD2 when I had a non sleeping 19 month old to contend with at the same time.
With DD I was in a wonderful wee bubble at 10 weeks, she was a really easy baby, slept through and all that. With the boys (one older than DD, one younger) I was at breaking point by 10 weeks because neither of them slept for more than 20 minutes at a time (now know DS1 has ASD and DS2 had CMPA) and I literally put one foot in front of the other for about the first year but don't really remember it. It's ok to find it easy, but it's also ok to find it hard. We're all different.
Ah my post has massively been misinterpreted. I was just looking for reassurance that I'm doing ok. I don't claim to be an amazing parent, to have everything sussed or to be superior in any way. I just want to know that it's ok to feel like this.
I could dwell on the fact that my baby was in special care, couldn't breast feed because he was so poorly, have extra visits from the health visitor as they think I'm at risk, have had six weeks of colic and screaming for four hours every evening, have had epic reflux and stack loads of medication, a wound that won't heal, very little money and arguments with my husband. But I'm asking for reassurance that it's ok that I'm not complaining
I think expectations play a huge role too.
It's almost impossible to define what 'hard' is. If you were expecting being a parent to be really difficult, you might say it's not that hard because it's not as bad as you expected. Other people who were imagining it all to be about cuddling cute babies, and hadn't properly considering the tougher elements, might get a shock and describe it as tough because it's harder than they expected.I
Perhaps a bit like the 1-10 pain scale thing you get asked about in hospital. I always think it's not that meaningful, because some people are very stoic and downplay their pain, whilst others will exaggerate. It's so subjective.
I found maternity leave and life with a newborn easy and massively enjoyable too. I know what you mean, people are desperate to talk about how terribly hard maternity leave is but I have a really hard job so it was easy compared to that!
Everyone has different experiences and everyone copes differently. I had many conversations with people who would describe perfectly normal baby behaviour in the context of stress and awfulness and as an example of how hard their baby was.
At the same time, different ages bring different challenges, so just enjoy this time and stick pile energy for the difficult times to come! Enjoy this and just look on it as a lovely extended holiday
I don't think it's just down to easiness of external factors btw. My eldest requires 24 hour 2:1 specialist care and is the opposite of easy. I still enjoy time with him & only really find it difficult when he is hurting himself or having seizures. We have had to adjust a lot but we still have plenty of joy in our relationship and I still find being his parent very fulfilling. I'm not sure everyone looking in from outside understands that.
I do have a supportive partner - that helps a lot. And I have been able to work around the way I want to parent - that helps a lot as well.
It sounds like you are sturdy of mental health and confident in your decision making. And that's a good thing! Because you're happy!
A lot of women beat themselves up when they can't breastfeed. A lot of babies don't get diagnosed if they have reflux or the like.
But it is ok to dwell on the troubles you've had if want to. sometimes a good moan and/or cry can be cathartic
It's fine that you're not complaining.
You're not a complainer nor a drama queen. Some of us aren't.
Other people compete to see who had the worst life. It's not you, it's fine.
Then you'll get the competition for the best (and worst) child. It's fine if yours is average.
Mine didn't sleep through from day one, nor did he wake up every hour. I managed to get through every difficult period and here we are 12 years later without major upsets.
OP you sound like you have an inbuilt robust sense of perspective. And that's why I said you were in good stead to cope with anything parenting throws your way. It's definitely a blessing - although having been through what you have been through will have reinforced that perspective.
I have long thought perspective is the key to happy parenting btw.
I also loved the baby stage with my first (it was not so fun 2nd time around with a toddler too 😜).
I think Did join in the complaining about certain things because that's what others did - I should have just relaxed & enjoyed it more!! Maternity leave, one baby who I was in love with. Total bliss.
I have found other stages since harder, balancing a non sleeping toddler & work is a a fat bigger challenge than newborn when you are on mat leave in my view.
It's nice that you're coping. That's lovely and it's also lovely to hear about how positive you feel despite all the set backs.
Just try and empathise with your mummy peers a bit and you'll be fine x
Of course it's ok to be enjoying it and not complaining, why wouldn't it be?
Join the discussion
Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.Register now
Already registered with Mumsnet? Log in to leave your comment or alternatively, sign in with Facebook or Google.
Please login first.