Struggling to cope with DH working away

(4 Posts)
HRMumness Sun 19-Mar-17 12:54:55

That's it really. SAHM to a 4.5yo and 2yo but no family nearby. Every time I feel like I'm getting a handle on things lately, my DH has then had another round of being away and I feel like it's back to where I started again.

We had a really stressful period in the lead up to my second child's birth (We lived in our house as we had a big renovation project, not ideal with a toddler) and then had very unhelpful family stay with us immediately after for more than a month. Although my youngest was an easy baby, she didn't sleep for more than 3 hours at a time for the first 18 months. My eldest has always been a challenging child and I had both the children full time for the best part of the first year before my eldest started nursery. I feel like I've never really recovered from that tough first year (and realistically PN depression). Now they both sleep and things are easier with them but I feel like I'm back in the midst of it, every time my DH is gone for another stretch or I'm stuck all holidays on my own with them because he can't take any time off for holidays.

He is generally a supportive partner otherwise but he just doesn't seem to understand how much I've struggled. He will give me a few hours "off" but usually it just means I have to catch up on all the other things that need to be taken care of. Maybe I just need to pull my head in, I know plenty of other people have it much worse than I do.

Heirhelp Mon 20-Mar-17 11:41:03

It sounds tough. Do you work? Is the older child at school? How long does your DH work away for at a time and how often?

I only have 1 child and when DH went away for a week when she was 6 months old 'high needs baby' it felt like every day was a military operation.

Bluntness100 Mon 20-Mar-17 11:46:34

How long does he go away for. Can he change job to one he doesn't have to go away?

My husband was in the forces, so for the first couple of years he was away for three month stretches, with no contact permissible from his side. I just kind of got on with it and can't say I was particularly bothered, however I worked full time and had a child minder.

You need to organise yourself, understand what you've got to do and when, and don't get too upset if it goes off routine.

Can you afford a child minder, even for a few hours a week to give you a break and allow you to catch up? Or can your youngest also go to nursery?

thethighshaveit Mon 20-Mar-17 12:05:29

It sounds pretty full on. Despite the fact that your situation is better than other people's you can still feel overwhelmed and unhappy about it - that's ok!

As others have said could you get a childminder or even a babysitter for a few hours a week for you to get some time to yourself? If not is there another mum in a similar situation that you could do a swap with for a few hours.

It will get easier - keep repeating the mantra 'the days are long but the years are short' and before you know it they will be grown up and you will long for the days when they left finger prints everywhere. Hard to see when you are in it but try and find the little happy moments every day. You are not alone, there are so many people doing the same... it does get better.

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