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How did being a parent changed your views on your own parents - if at all?

(19 Posts)
tossacoin Fri 17-Mar-17 16:47:04

Just curious of your experiences.

user1487854472 Fri 17-Mar-17 18:15:10

That I have the best parents in the world 😍 They're not only the best parents, but also the best grandparents. They have always done anything for me and my sister, but I also like how they raised us to appreciate everything we had. Being a Mum has made my relationship with my parents so much stronger

Knifegrinder Fri 17-Mar-17 18:16:34

Let's hear yours first. Too many 'journalists' getting copy here these days.

Oblomov17 Fri 17-Mar-17 18:22:03

That my parents were incredible. That my mum made it look so easy, when it clearly isn't.

It has made me wonder how my mum was able to turn a blind eye to me being bullied for six solid years at school, even though I went to her in tears because I was so desperate.

It has made me wonder why she never bothered to follow up, after that first time I told her I was being bullied, even though I became very withdrawn and depressed. Did she never wonder why I was so quiet and unhappy - or did she think she wouldn't ask because, if the bullying was still going on, she might actually have to DO something about it.

norbert23 Fri 17-Mar-17 18:27:12

I realised that being a single parent, my dad must have really missed having someone to share all the funny day to day things, or the worries. I'd never really understood that side of it til now.

HubrisComicGhoul Fri 17-Mar-17 18:28:01

That my mum clearly had 2 very bad cases of PND that significantly affected bonding. There are some things that you can't forgive, but understanding has meant that I don't hate her anymore.

TheUpsideDown Fri 17-Mar-17 18:32:11

Yes. I realised my parents should never have been parents. They were very selfish, controlling, bullying, critical, unloving, unsupportive as well as physically abusive. We lived under an iron fist in perpetual fear and unhappiness.

It put me off having kids for a long time as I was so worried I may have inherited the 'bad parent' gene from them.

When I had my own son at 30 I hoped it would shed light on why my parents treated us so poorly Maybe kids REALLY were such hard work the stress drove you to being so hateful and miserable.

My son is hard work. VERY hard work. But oh my god, I have never loved another human being so intensely in all my life. I can't understand why my parents didn't feel that way about their own children. Or why they had 3 kids together when they clearly didn't like children AT ALL. Not even their own.

0dfod Fri 17-Mar-17 18:35:34

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Slightlyperturbedowlagain Fri 17-Mar-17 18:37:41

It reinforced to me that my mum is very self-absorbed, had no interest in me being an independent person with my own thoughts and feelings. She did take me to stately homes though.

YesILikeItToo Fri 17-Mar-17 18:41:03

I have realised that when I was upstairs shouting 'Mum' at the top of my voice and then louder even than that over and over again, my Mum could actually hear me.

Wishiwasmoiradingle2017 Fri 17-Mar-17 18:54:39

Made me see she was much much more crap than I had thought..
Nc for 16 years.

Aria2015 Fri 17-Mar-17 23:13:45

Gosh! My mother has raised 4 of us largely on our own (father left when littlest was 3). Between 11 and 14 I suffered from an eating disorder and put my mother through the ringer. Thankfully I was treated at a wonderful hospital and recovered. Having my lo and then more recently a scare where a Dr thought he had a terminal condition, I never really thought too much what my mother went through. Now I can't stop saying sorry! My mother won't hear it of course but I'm sure she appreciates that I can at least imagine what she went through.

Ps. I would never received the treatment I did if she hadn't relentlessly harassed doctors and hospitals all over the uk. She's amazing. I sort of knew it but now I definitely know it!

wizzywig Fri 17-Mar-17 23:17:04

That im so glad my kids have me as a parent and not my parents. They were cold and cruel. I try to always do the opposite of what they would do

WyfOfBathe Fri 17-Mar-17 23:20:13

It's made me more amazed at my mum having me at 19, when I had my first at 29 and found it exhausting.

On the other hand, it's made me not understand why my parents smacked me as punishment. I questioned my parents as a teenager - when they were doing it to my younger sister - and I accepted their explanation that it's necessary to make DC learn. SDD is 5 and I've never felt the need to smack her.

user1471467016 Fri 17-Mar-17 23:33:18

i loved her always, but appreciated her more, when I knew more. Things must have been hard being an only parent, but it never seemed that way. She was strong, kind, loving, fair and fun - always in the background. My sister and my greatest supporter- I knew it when I was younger, but only understood how amazing she was later. I'm incredibly proud of her and that's grown more and stronger as I've got older.

NotCitrus Sat 18-Mar-17 10:21:40

Much more understanding of what they went through when I was little - I was born very prematurely and taken to another hospital and my mum didn't see me for another three weeks. They kept being told I would likely die until one day it was "actually she seems OK, here, take her home, bye" and never had any support at all after that. With that and some previous experiences, no wonder my mother was rather disocciated from me. They worked hard at parenting and did all you'd expect, but never really 'got' it.

duxb Sat 18-Mar-17 10:28:06

An understanding that always means always. My mum always seemed to be doing something - running round, juggling stuff, doing chores. I didn't realise how true and absolute this is, even things you don't see.

Also how when she said she would saw her arm off if it meant protecting me - that she genuinely meant it, it isn't metaphorical

It is heartbreaking that there are so many of us who have learned how NOT to parent, from our parents. sad

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