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should i do this back to her what she did to me?

(35 Posts)
shoebedo434 Thu 16-Mar-17 19:33:54

would like to get some opinions on whether AIBU on this?
3 weeks ago, it was my son's 5th birthday, we had a party with entertainer, candy floss, disco etc. I invited 25 children (24 came) and everyone had a great time.
I invited a sort of friend that is more a friends friend but we meet up as a threesome for playdates with the kids. she was late (as she always is). I had asked for presents to be put under the table for later. anyway near the end of the party she came up to me and said she had got my son a birthday card but hadn't had a chance to get a present but would get one and drop it off at my house in the week.
anyway here we are 3 weeks later and no present. i'm not really bothered about the gift as he got lots of presents but it's more the principle of it. who turns up at a childs party with no gift? she did a similar thing at Christmas too. I haven't bothered mentioning to her.
anyway now we have received an invite to her sons party in May and part of me wants to do the same thing to her that she did to me. just take a card and say will drop the present off later but I feel that is abit mean but I begrudge buying a present. thoughts please?

FishInAWetSuitAndFlippers Thu 16-Mar-17 19:36:23

If you can afford it I would give a present.

She is probably struggling for money and embarrassed but wanted to show face at the party.

I would knock the christmas presents on the head though, it's expensive enough at that time of year without having extra kids to pay out for

aintnobodygottimefodat Thu 16-Mar-17 19:36:39

YABU. A gift is not mandatory surely?

RandomMess Thu 16-Mar-17 19:36:50


Perhaps she can't afford gifts. Presence far more important than presents IMHO.

EweAreHere Thu 16-Mar-17 19:37:19

Does your 5 year old really need another present to add to the presumably 24 other presents he got from the other children?

Maybe she's financially hurting, and you don't realize it. Was a gift really the price of admission? Or was your son just happy to have his friend there to celebrate?

I think of weddings, where the point is really supposed to be about getting a gift ... it's about celebrating a life event with your friends. Are birthday parties not supposed to be the same things?

shoebedo434 Thu 16-Mar-17 19:39:38

I don't care about the present, as I said it was the principle
and secondly yes she can afford it, I know she can

littleblackno Thu 16-Mar-17 19:40:38

If she hadn't mentioned it would you have noticed? Seriously I think you are being a bit petty.

Foureyesarebetterthantwo Thu 16-Mar-17 19:40:45

You could lower yourself to her level...

Avioleta Thu 16-Mar-17 19:42:05

YAB massively U.

You invite kids to parties because your DS wants to celebrate with them not because you'll get a present out of it.

Perhaps she genuinely forgot. Perhaps she is struggling financially.

Did your DS really need another present? I'm guessing not since he got 20+ others!

I would never want any of my party guests to feel obliged to bring a present they couldn't afford. And only a twat would take 'revenge' on a small child because their mum didn't get your DS a present for whatever reason.

DextersMistress Thu 16-Mar-17 19:42:33

Just don't go to the party and don't meet up with her again.

Btw, I hope you haven't mentioned anything of this in front of your ds, he'll grow up to be a spoilt entitled brat like his mother.

Lugeeta Thu 16-Mar-17 19:43:15

I would rise above it. It not about you and her. Get her child a present if you can afford it.

littleblackno Thu 16-Mar-17 19:43:18

I don't think anyone can ever really know if someone else can afford something. Most people would think I could afford something like this. You can't judge what her priority is to spend money on.

AllllGooone Thu 16-Mar-17 19:44:06

I wouldn't worry about her not bringing a present, and don't take one to her dd's party if you don't want to. It's not that serious.

MistressMolecules Thu 16-Mar-17 19:45:35

You sound proper grabby and entitled! I'm glad you're not my "friend".

There could be any number of reasons why she didn't bring a present.

fizzingwhizbee Thu 16-Mar-17 19:46:03

I honestly would not give a shit if someone didn't buy my son a birthday present. Even if they'd said they would.

Jesus. My house is already filled to the brim with his plastic tat, I don't need anymore!!

Buy her child something noisy and obnoxious for their birthday. That way you're not taking your (I think unreasonable) anger out on a child and you get to fill someone else's house with plastic tat.

Win win!!

piginboots Thu 16-Mar-17 19:47:34

You are weird.

piginboots Thu 16-Mar-17 19:48:07

(and unreasonable)

Hercules12 Thu 16-Mar-17 19:49:25

I don't suppose she's givenot it a second thought nor should you. This is nothing, really it isn't.

Hoppinggreen Thu 16-Mar-17 19:50:11

Well it depends if you invited her child purely to get a gift

GlitterGlue Thu 16-Mar-17 19:51:22

You need to let it go.

shoebedo434 Thu 16-Mar-17 19:52:00

thank you for your comments. obviously I am being unreasonable and should just let it go and have a nice time at the party
and to the people who made nasty comments, I thought this was supposed to be a friendly forum. I don't think I will post again

triskele Thu 16-Mar-17 19:57:19

I don't think you are being unreasonable to be annoyed. Maybe doing the same back is petty though.

It's the fact that she went to the trouble of saying she'd get a present then didn't bother - if she's struggling for money she should just give the card and not make false promises! I'd be annoyed too just because she's made it awkward.

gamerchick Thu 16-Mar-17 19:58:53

Let it go OP it's not important and don't punish a bairn to get revenge.

oleoleoleole Thu 16-Mar-17 20:14:44

I actually wouldn't get a present. Reply to the invite with a yes but say that you think it's the way forward not to exchange presents as it gets a bit expensive and ridiculous and the DC get too much!

piginboots Thu 16-Mar-17 21:10:54

Sorry op, i do think your reaction is slightly odd but really didn't mean to upset you or make you feel unwelcome.

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