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Please tell me the 2nd baby guilt will go away?

(8 Posts)
ppandj Wed 15-Mar-17 06:30:26

DS2 is 8 days old, he's a little beauty and feeding well and sleeping as well as can be expected. Pretty much a "dream baby"! DS1 is 22 months old and is such a sweet, funny and energetic little thing. He is being really sweet towards the baby and seems quite interested in the whole thing. But he is obviously very anxious and insecure about such a big change. I work nights so for the past 2 years almost it has just been me and DS1 all day every day (pretty much, with the odd few days with other people while I have done a short training course etc) and our whole world has revolved around him. Now we have a baby who I am bfing and I also had a c-section so can't lift DS1 up at the moment.

DS1 has been waking at night and crying "mummy" for the past few nights and DP has gone to his room, put him back into bed and settled him as I haven't been mobile enough or have been feeding DS2.

I just feel terribly guilty at the moment. I don't want DS1 to feel I have abandoned him and I feel really sad when he is anxious or upset. Then I feel guilty towards DS2 because I feel all the worrying about DS1 is overshadowing DS2's arrival and that I should be enjoying him more. Has anyone else felt like this?

cheminotte Wed 15-Mar-17 06:39:11

Yes this is totally normal. I think the guilt will fade, especially as you see them develop a relationship of their own.

Lilaclily Wed 15-Mar-17 06:42:53

Oh yes totally normal and he's so young that he won't remember when it was just the two of you (sadly !)

I used to have a special box just for ds so that when I was stuck to the sofa feeding he'd get it out and it had a little book, a baby and a bottle, a muslin or anything that he's interested in for him to occupy himself while you're feeding
We would snuggle all 3 of us watching cbeebies while feeding too
At the weekends dh would be around to take the baby for winding etc so I could do painting etc with ds
Plus the more you go out to the park etc the more the baby sleeps so you can play with ds

You're doing fine, congratulations!

Lapinlapin Wed 15-Mar-17 06:46:31

Yes, I was in a similar position and felt exactly like this.
My ds1 was incredibly jealous of the baby as well.

The 'baby' is now 3 and they adore each other!
Yes, they're noisy and of course they fight, but they constantly hug and kiss and want to play with each other. It's so lovely to see.

I always imagined my relationship with my children, but never gave all that much thought to the extra dimension - their relationship.

Enjoy your baby and don't feel guilty. All you have 'done' to ds1 is hopefully provide him with a 'best friend" as my two say!

Treysanatomy Wed 15-Mar-17 06:47:35

Yes, totally normal but it'll get better soon. The guilt feels awful I know but it'll soon pass flowers

For the first few weeks after dd2 was born it felt as though DH and I had a child each. I was with DD2 24/7 as we tried to establish breastfeeding and DH did pretty much everything for DD1.

It all settled down quickly and DD1 loved being a big sister. She's just turned 4 and doesn't remember those early days at all. Her little sister is her best friend smile

LaContessaDiPlump Wed 15-Mar-17 06:58:02

Absolutely normal. I must admit that I barely felt sorry for DS1 at all though (although still guilty, weirdly), because he kept trying to hurt his brother. I found that the red mist descended upon me quite quickly at those times.....DS1 does still try to upset him but thankfully DS2 is old enough to reciprocate now grin

It does get easier, and they will be friends eventually which is lovely to see. It's just the beginning that sucks.

seafoodeatit Wed 15-Mar-17 10:39:12

Totally normal, it will pass though. Our emotions do strange things to us, DC 2 took 4 years to conceive, I used to cry that I was depriving DC1 of a sibling and he seemed to really want one, when I fell pregnant I was crying because DC1 would have to share attention and what if he felt left out!

ppandj Wed 15-Mar-17 12:16:22

Thank you so much for your replies, it makes me feel better that I'm not the only one.

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