DS is 14 months old. I have struggled for months with feelings of frustration surrounding certain things eg not settling for naps, continuous grizzling/whinging, DS rolling over on nappy changing table and refusing to be changed etc - I know all these things are normal to be frustrated about but in my case the frustration is immense and turns to feelings of rage and I literally have to leave the room I am so wound up.
I have been seeing a therapist and she has diagnosed me with PND and anxiety and thinks the angry feelings stem from my anxiety which makes sense. I have also just started my periods again after 14 months postpartum (still BF) which hormonally could be contributing to the feelings. We have discussed medication but right now have decided to try to make some lifestyle changes to see if that has enough of an effect.
I feel so guilty. I know that rage can be a manifestation of PND but I've never read much about it being directed at your baby. Obviously I don't hurt DS and never would, but I have shouted at him, picked him up too quickly in frustration and put him down a bit roughly. These are times when I should leave the room but I react before I've had a chance to think straight. I also bite my hand during these "episodes" purely to relieve the anger/frustration and have marks all over my hands. It feels like my rational brain disappears and my fight or flight response just takes over.
I can't believe this is happening to me. I'm not an angry person generally and I don't show rage towards DH or anyone else. DH is massively supportive and currently is doing all the nights so I can get some sleep. We are having a nanny start asap 3 days per week so I can get back to work and hoping that this will help.
Has ANYONE ever suffered from this? I feel like a monster. 99% of the time I am an attentive loving mother and DS and I have lots of fun and cuddles together but when these episodes happen (they are happening most days at the moment) I feel like a monster and the worst mother in the world, once he's gone to bed I spend the evening in tears racked with guilt. Please can anyone relate.
Please or to access all these features
Please
or
to access all these features
For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.
Parenting
PND/anxiety and rage towards DS
17 replies
munchymoo · 09/03/2017 16:50
OP posts:
Please create an account
To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.