Have two DC, 4 and 18 months old. The 4 year old is a nightmare, I can't cope with him and I'm starting to really dislike him.
He is just so naughty and rude. I set up play things and he trashes them. I cook dinner and he refuses to eat anything except pasta with tomato sauce. We go out for the day and he throws epic tantrums.
At nursery he is well behaved on the whole and does well reading and writing. Even though he isn't at school yet he is able to read very easy books and write. He is a great conversationalist but has no filter but he is empathetic and picks up on people's emotions. I asked nursery if he could be assessed for behavioural issues or if he might have special needs and they laughed and said definitely not (he does full four days).
DH is very hands on but neither of us can cope and we dread weekends. Our second DC is the total opposite and an absolute delight. He has his moments but you can reason with him or calm him down. With DC1 there is NOTHING we can do. It's making me really dislike him.
I don't know what to do. I asked my HV and she said it was normal but I don't see friends struggle in the same way we do.
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I dislike my pre-schooler
Edgeofinsane · 07/03/2017 19:32
I don't like mine much at times. He's in reception now and is a little sod at home but good as gold at school! Someone told me that they hold it together at school/nursery and then they release/relax when they're in their comfort zone. Apparently it means they feel very secure and safe with you so it's a back handed compliment of sorts! I always try to say positive things to him whenever possible but it's bloody hard to not just battle with him half the time.
But there's always a new phase around the corner. Fingers crossed he comes through the other side soon. 
All children are different. Don't compare yourselves to others. I have 4 DC and DC2 was like your son. At nearly 6 she's just starting to calm down, but she still has her moments.
Its really hard to stay consistent when you have a child like that as it wears you down, but its important that you do. I use the supernanny naughty step system and reward sticker charts. Sometimes its easy to throw in the towel and think this isn't working, but don't. Keep on keeping on. Eventually he will learn there are consequences for bad behavior and rewards for good behaviour and that his life is much nicer when he behaves well.
My daughter was just like your son in that she was perfect at nursery and school. I don't think the teachers believed me about her behavior at home. But the fact that he behaves at school shows that he is capable of it and that he knows how to behave acceptably.
For my daughter I was very much a trigger for her bad behavior, I think because she sought attention from me, whether bad or good. There's not much you can do about that, except be aware of it and I find the two methods above really help with that as the child is getting what they need I.e. attention, but they learn the difference between positive and negative. It also helps you remain calm and in control if you have steps to follow.
Stay strong. Its tough times, but this too shall pass
Because nothing has ever mattered to you as much as he does.
You're doing all the right things. Just keep doing what you're doing. You've got to be consistent. He and you will get there.
In the mean time, a large glass of wine after he goes to bed helps 
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