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could social services help?

(6 Posts)
happyfrown Fri 03-Mar-17 10:23:07

I don't want to write this post but im hoping I can get some advice / opinions.

to keep it short, I have BPD/EUPD. since I was young, don't cope well with people/ relationships. I struggle with being a mum but my kids are fed well, clothed and basics looked after, but the emotional, huggy, supportive part I find even harder. I have near no bond with ds2 he is either angry or teary and I hate the thought that my mental health and parenting is damaging (or has damaged his childhood)

its like my childhood all over again, i fear the cycle will re-run when he is older and he will be sitting in a therapy room!

he wants to live with his dad who has agreed to have him, his dad is more likely to sit and talk/ listen than fly off the handle then go and sob into a pillow.
problem is his dad is sharing a room at a friends house due to lack of funds for a deposit and cost of private renting, so has no where to keep ds. i went down the housing to see if they could help for the sake of mine and ds mental health - not for a free home. but they seemed to think it was a plan to get ex P a flat. sad

ds is hard to talk to and smashes his belonging through frustration. he cant talk to me but can with his dad. he takes it out on his 6yr old sis, will push, hit and scream at her even if shes just asking him a question. theres been days when ive been so low and ds has been angry where ive had to stop myself calling his dad and saying ''come and get him i don't care where you go'' sad

i was considering calling SS to see if they could help ex P get some help with housing, but im worried. i don't want them thinking i cant cope with the kids and they take them all off me. ex P has said he would take both DS's but DS1 isn't sure how he feels about that. i have a DD from another partner (ex). i have a closer bond with DD and it would be the end of me if they took her away from me.
SS was involved in my childhood and was put in care for a few months, i want them to help me but im scared they will make me feel constantly on edge and make me worse? i really don't know what to do.

happyfrown Fri 03-Mar-17 10:25:00

sorry that still turned out long.

happyfrown Fri 03-Mar-17 17:36:36


DoublyTroubly Sat 04-Mar-17 21:02:51

Sorry, I can't help with your question but I'm just bumping for you x

user1487175389 Sat 04-Mar-17 21:13:08

Contact your health visiting team. Ask them to send a Nursery Nurse out to see you to help with behaviour. Get yourself down to your local children's centre to find some support for you. Try to get out of the house and take them to groups. Get some childcare in place to give you regular breaks. Speak to your gp about your mental health - can you get counselling?

Unless you feel that either you or your kids are in some form of danger I would try the options above before reporting yourself to social services. They're a very blunt instrument - not known for their sensitivity or sympathy necessarily. Not necessarily best for you right now.

As for your ex, stop assuming he's better than you. He has to sort out his own housing, and as a single man it may take a while. There may be a point where he's in a position to have overnights and give you a break but right now I think you're better off focusing on other sources of help.

happyfrown Tue 07-Mar-17 23:05:38

sorry I thought it was an unread lost post so didn't return to the thread.

doublytroubly thanks for bumping.

user ds is 12, sorry I didn't word it right. as I have two ds's I put ds2. ds1 is 15yrs. health visitors stop from 5 I believe. I tried the school for support but they say he is fine and doing well in school. ds isn't into parks now and we don't have family to visit. I have social anxiety issues so going places like cinema or similar packed venues panic me. we don't get out much due to this.

im under the mental health team and have had and still having help.

calling them is my last resort and I know how blunt they are which is why ive been holding back. I just need some support to help us (not so much for arsewipe ex!) but to help me and ds he will need suitable accommodation before anything gets moving.
even if its not a full move and we can do shared caring would help ds as he can go there on days he feels he needs to talk. he cant open up to me but his dad is more laid back and can calm him down. where as I panic I cant cope and just stress out. sad

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