Why did you choose to have children?(40 Posts)
Sorry if this isn't the correct place to post this, I'm new. Also just so we're clear this isn't a trolling / horrible judgemental question. I'm genuinely curious as to why you had children?
I'm turning 25 in a few weeks and out of nowhere I'm getting a bit broody. I know I don't want a child/children at the moment but I do think I'll want one in the future.
I want to know what made you say "let's do this, it's time". How did you know you were truly ready / making the right decision?
I always thought I'd have kids, one day. I got so caught up with my career that I didn't have "time". At work I started feeling really sick. To cut a long story short, it turned out that my bottle of red wine, throw caution to the wind, fun with dp ( who I wasn't living with at the time as I wanted to maintain my independence) resulted in pregnancy! Anyway, after the initial shock & panic and moving in with dp and giving birth to this beautiful being I was so overwhelmed with love that we decided to try for another, took a long time next time around but I have two beautiful babies and I love being
a mum, still love my career, but for me although the most knackering thing I've ever done, the best. So I guess, we're all different, sometimes the decision is made for you and some of us are lucky to have that choice. Good luck whatever path you go on.
Because I didn't want to not have kids.
I had always wanted to have children but it suddenly became such a strong need to have a child all my sensible reasons to wait didn't matter anymore. The feeling of needing a child became so strong it was like the need to breathe.
I have never had a broody day in my whole life - I have 4 children
For me it was always a long game: I am not that bothered about babies/toddlers and frankly I had to just get through that stage for each of them. Babies are cute and that is how they con you in to looking after them
I wanted children to then have adult children (halfway there!) and maybe grandchildren and to be part of something ongoing? bigger than myself? an ongoing timeline? I dunno really....
Oh, and I was 37 when I had Nr1 and 44 for my last.
Good luck whatever you decide.
I always wanted children at some point. I was never fussed about having babies, but saw myself in the future with older kids and then adult children. As Pacifîc, I've never felt broody and put it down to a disinterest in babies and toddlers.
We were very nearly about to start trying, and had started gearing up for it, when we had a happy accident. So in the end we didn't decide as such, it was thrust upon us. DC2 was planned but in a logical rather than emotional way if that makes?
It's stressful, exhausting and relentless ATM (ours are 2.8yo and 8mo), but I can already see a glimmer of what I was hoping for. I'm excited for the future and I've even discovered I quite like babies and toddlers (most of the time).
Same as pacific and skanking - never broody, no interest in babies and small children but always envisaged myself with grown up children (have a very long way to go yet!)
Another one who didn't want a baby, but did want children! Mine are 13, 15 and 17 now, and are
mostly great! Not sure I remember very much of any of their first years, I had crushing pnd, but went back for more (though the 13 year old is the result of a mirena failure)!
Because the alternative was to actively make a decision not to have them. When its 'now or never' (ie aged 38) it becomes difficult to go against the tide of people who have converted to parenthood. Fear of missing out plays a part.
Until age 38 I was adamant I wasn't having them, as was dp. Dp turned first.
An attack of curiosity when I was 39. Having a child is one of the very few things in life which is both irreversible and impossible to experience without doing it yourself.
I got married and was overtaken by this internal, overwhelming 'need' for a baby that came out of nowhere. Then she turned 4, went to school and it happend all over again!
Both of my parents died in quick succession, so like pp have said, it was more existential than hormonal drive. That was for number 1, 38, life is short, now or never. Number 2, pure hormones, I was like a crazy person longing for second baby!
I come from an abusive family so wanted a chance to build a 'proper' one. Turns out the newborn stage is really really hard so we are just having the one. I now have the family I always wanted and it's awesome (although knackering)!
I had a conversation with a (by choice) childless colleague after Christmas, along the lines of "nice Christmas?" "yeah, very quiet though as we don't have kids".
I'd been on the fence myself but in that moment I knew I didn't want quiet Christmases for the rest of my life. I wanted kids tearing off wrapping paper and traditions and early mornings and excitement. We started trying six weeks later, 14 months later I fell pregnant and my four week old DS is currently asleep on my chest.
Well I am currently listening to the my 8yr old dd screaming at her 11 yr old brother whilst he is teasing her (a daily occurrence ) I have no idea !!
Because I didn't know any better
At 25 I wasn't even thinking about kids. Had my first in my very early 30s. I wanted to have a family - as someone said I wanted to be part of something bigger than myself and dh. We have 3. I found the baby years gruelling but joyful, the kid years were brilliant, the teen years are a mixture of fun, joy, pride, worry, worry, worry and worry. Oh and I worry a lot more than I ever thought I would - did I mention that.
I always wanted children. That said, DS wasn't exactly planned, I was only 19.
There was more of a thought process into TTC "properly" in my twenties with DH. Again, we always knew we wanted more, so it was just a case of when. What happened in reality was that DH went home (we live abroad) and his family bugged him about babies and he went to see a friend with a newborn and said that "it didn't feel scary" and he came back and said "Let's try now, why are we putting it off?" and we talked about it and we didn't really have any reasons to put it off so we started trying properly.
11 months and 2 miscarriages later we are still trying and hoping.
I can't explain it really, it was just a need, I couldn't imagine a future without having a child, I feel I am very fortunate to have been able to have my lovely son, he's all grown up now, where did that time go!
Massively broody, we got married and started trying. As old fashioned as you can imagine.
I got pregnant unexpectedly on the pill (had been unwell so it was less effective, and I wasn't totally compliant anyway with medication then). I had been forced into a termination by a former partner which I had regretted (he wouldn't let me use contraception and was horribly abusive and controlling but did not want kids) so I knew I couldn't have another abortion. Had been with my now DH for 3 months when I got pg with our son and while I was young and couldn't imagine being a mother, I went ahead and am so glad I did because we can't have any more kids. So a happy accident who is now 16 and I wouldn't be without.
No idea what changed and why. I never wanted kids, I couldn't understand why anyone would ever want kids. I also didn't want a partner. I think I was just too selfish and wanted everything my way. I focussed on my career, which meant that money wise could do what I wanted whenever I wanted. Then, for some reason, I changed... Human evolution and instinct maybe??
This happened around 3-4 years and now I am married and 12 days away from the due date if our first child. I couldn't be any more content and happy
I thought it would be quite nice to be a father. You know, have a little baby to play with when it suited me, but give it to mum for the difficult stuff, play the 'work card' when it woke up at night, and not have my body destroyed getting it here.
Unfortunately, I am a woman.
Eventually decided that it would still be worth it even though I'd have to do the hard stuff.
Join the discussion
Please login first.